“It sucks to be alone”

Or so the good people at my favourite diamond store want us all to believe in their new advertisement…

But does it really?  I thought about that this morning on my slooooow ride into work (gotta love Toronto winters).  I came to the conclusion that yes SOMETIMES it sucks to be alone.  Especially at this time of year, when everyone is so happy and “joy to the worlding” all over town. 

But why it sucks can change over time and even differ on the same day.  I have been alone (aka single) at numerous points throughout my life, and it hasn’t always sucked…sometimes its been the best time of my life.  I had a couple of months in between boyfriends where my best friend took me to NYC and gave me an amazing tour of my now, favourite city.  Another time me and another  friend had a summer of adventures, dancing to Spice Girls and flirting with cute boys.  What is the common denominator here…my friendships! 

I have some amazing friendships.  Friends I would give anything to and for.  I don’t consider my self to be the most social person in the world, but I have a handful of great friends (most of whom don’t know each other) that I can lean on, bitch with, party with, dance with, eat with, nap with…you name it!  I love each and every one of you and you have all at one time or another helped me get through the sad part of “being alone”.

Almost turning (30) adds a whole new dimension of “suckiness”.  I had always assumed I would be married young with lots of little babies running around.  But dreams change and evolve.  I still dream about being married with babies, but obviously unless I order a husband online (ewwww) my timeline will have to change.  I know my family probably assumes it’s just never gonna happen for me.  I mean my brother had his kids young and got married this year (finally) and I have had two very long-term relationships that could have turned out great in the marriage/kids dept., but again, it didn’t happen.  It’s when I think of these things though that I realize even though it does sometimes suck to be alone, I am also truly blessed.  I have had two wonderful relationships with men that I don’t doubt loved me and I loved them.  Not everyone can say that…

I am going to enjoy this single time and try to move quickly past the “sucky” days into the fun days where I experience new adventures and spend time with my great friends mentioned above! 

My advice: hmmmm…if you feel like “it sucks to be alone”, then it probably does.  But there are some great people in your life, just waiting for the opportunity to make it better!  Let them!

XOXO Nikilee

Am “I” really doing this…

…It appears so

I have read blog after blog and I always thought “hmmm I would like to start a blog” I mean I have lots to say that I don’t normally get to.  I want to start out by saying that 2010 has sucked ass big time! Can you swear in blog world?? I am turning 30 on January 10 2011 and I am praying, hoping, begging for a much better year.  Do I sound desperate, well I am in many ways, however I don’t want to focus on the past, it’s over.  Instead I am going to blog about all the great and possibly not so great things that happen to me over the next year! 

Are you ready for ME? I am…as much as I love Christmas, I don’t this year and I am READY for 2011 to start.

Here are a list of goals (not resolutions cause let’s face it no one ever completes a resolution list) I want to accomplish within the next year:

1. I joined Weight Watchers in October 2010 and I would like to lose minimum 25 pds this year!

2. My credit card is maxed with school fees, shoes and clothes and my car etc etc.  If I stick to the budget I have created for myself then I will have no credit card debt by January 2012!

3. I have not travelled very much in my life and I would like to travel more.  I don’t care where really.  I would just like to travel to 2 or more places this year. 

4. My hope is that I won’t turn down ANY invitations this year.  If someone wants to go out – I am going out (unless it doesn’t work with the budget I talked about in number 2).

5. Last one…I lost the love of my life this year and my goal is to enjoy being single, enjoy being me and maybe even figure out who I am.  I am not saying I won’t date this year (or maybe even get back with said ex?!) but I need some time for self discovery, self love and a whole lot of fun!

So this is what my blog will be about…me…in all my honest glory, the good, the bad and the ugly!  It’s possible no one will even read this, and worse off, possibly trash me on the internet!  But I need this…and I can’t wait to see what the blog, and 2011 brings me!

xoxo Nikilee