There is no love without forgiveness and no forgiveness without love ~Bryant H. McGill

This is my issue right now – how do you forgive someone who has done so wrong by you that your heart actually feels like is breaking in two?  I don’t know if it’s possible?  But what if I want it to be possible? What if someone truly felt sorry for their mistakes and did what they could to right them?  Could forgiveness be possible then?  I think, maybe, it can.

My ex has made a lot of mistakes (as have I, trust me, I am not the great, loving person everyone has me pinned out to be), but his mistakes have cut deep to the core and affected every part of my life – inc. work, which in my sheltered little world where work is all I got, is a big no-no!  So if he righted his wrongs and proved just how deeply sorry he was, could I fully forgive him? 

My brain says “of course, he was your best-friend“, my heart however is still a little fragile.  It has major walls built up.  I think if we took things slowly and just started talking and supporting each other again then maybe it would be possible. 

I love him, shame on me I guess cause I know lots of people who think I am moronic for even thinking about him and they don’t know the whole truth.  In reality, I don’t know the whole truth, but maybe with some forgiveness I can learn it and accept it and move on, with or without him – though I know I am still hoping it is with him.

I have been able to forgive my mother, for the mean girls in school, my brother every time he screws up (that one is a lot tougher then most) so why not forgive a man who has had one bad year, when we had 11 great years?  I guess only time will tell.

The dilemmas at 30 seem eerily similar to that of being 20…until next time…

XOXO Nikilee


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