And the Oscar goes to…

ME!  YAY ME!  WOOT-WOOT

Okay so this was my dream a looooong time ago.  I used to dream of being all dressed up wearing nice jewels and having on way to much make-up making my acceptance speech.  I wanted (like many little girls do) to be an actress.  I wanted to be rich and famous and fall in love with a handsome actor and have lots of famous little babies. 

Now, at age 30, I am a little more realistic (plus my acting abilities suck and I am way to shy).  Now I watch the Oscars and look at all the pretty people wearing the jewels and the makeup and hoping selfishly that someone will trip or fall flat on their face – I know that is SO mean right! I can’t help it. 

Last nights Oscar Red Carpet show was great, I loved lots of the dresses and I saw many of the stars I was hoping to (Jennifer Hudson, Natalie Portman etc), but the Oscars themselves – I would have turned them off had I been home.  But I was at E’s house with J, H and J.  The night itself was great, I love all those people so I had fun, but Anne Hathaway and James Franco as Oscar hosts?  NO THANK YOU.  I like funny Oscar hosts – Ellen Degeneras and Chris Rock, heck even Billy Crystal were all MUCH better choices than the two youngens they had on last night.  Anne Hathaway did look stunning though in every dress she wore and James Franco – while cute – also looked stoned the whole night.  I wasn’t surprised at anything, nothing caught my attention, nothing was funny and by 11:00 I realised I would be better off in bed sleeping then watching any more. 

Here is the lovely pic of J-Hud looking stunning (all thanks to hard work and Weight Watchers)

So after saying my good byes,  I went home and crawled into bed hoping for a good week!

How was everyone’s weekend?  Did you watch the Oscars?  What did you think – remember, the above comments are MY OPINION only and I am by no means a professional critique.

XOXO Nikilee

I love short weeks

So since Monday was a holiday for all of us in Ontario, I only had a 4 day week.  I really, REALLY wish all weeks were 4 day weeks I would even work longer on the 4 days we did work, just to have a Monday or Friday off every week!!!

I went to therapy last night (ya I see a therapist – what’s it to ya – oh you don’t care…right!  LOL…my bad) and she told me I really need to focus on a couple of big things and or 5 smaller things.  I decided that a couple big things are very important to me so I would go that route. 

1. My debt – good grief, I know I complain about this all the time, I just can’t help it.  Shopping is a good form of therapy, but it ruins what I am trying to do – get out of debt, save for a house!

2. Focus on Weight Watchers and lose this extra weight I have been carrying around for 8 years.  It’s not even about the weight right now as it is about being healthy and feeling confidant! 

So while I had my New Years goals – these are  the New Me goals…

I love my therapist she really breaks everything down for me and makes me see how fabulous I am and how I empathize with people who REALLY don’t deserve it. 

I am feeling good blogging people, and granted my ex has not contacted me in over a week so maybe that’s why, but I feel good!  Really good!  YAY ME!  YAY FOR MY FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU ALL HELPED ME!

XOXO Nikilee

Wel THAT was hard…

So I had to do my grocery shopping yesterday.  I was exhausted,and  had a not so great day at work and all I wanted was to go home, through my feet up and lie on my couch.  But, I went, knowing I needed lunch stuff and my father would probably throw me against a wall if I didn’t do it (okay so he would never/could never throw me against a wall – but you get my picture). 

So I drag myself to Metro yesterday around 5:00 and everything is going well, I get everything I want and need in the veggies/fruit aisle and it’s all fresh and yummy looking *love my salad for today*!  Then I see her.  An adorable little girl (probably around 4 yrs old) crying with tears and mucus running down her pretty little face.  Her mother, who looks like a cracked out street-walker, is yelling “come on, my god”.  First off honey, if you believed in God, any God, you would not have your baby girl walking through a grocery store crying, second, she clearly is upset about something, and even if it’s just because you won’t buy her a candy bar, TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD!!!!  ‘

I am sorry.  Nothing infuriates me more than when I see children crying their eyes out and the mothers or fathers are ignoring them completely.  I understand that kids like to cause scenes – I was queen of the scene makers – but seriously, even MY mother would not leave me bawling in a grocery store, walking away from me.  I wanted so badly to give the little girl a hug and clean her face, but I had no tissues and the mother was a big woman – not fat – just like a big person, so she probably would have killed me right then and there.  That poor little girl, I hope she grows up knowing she is loved by someone and not ignored by everyone like the ignorant mother she has.

Sigh…rant over.

Meanwhile, my salad today for lunch is baby romaine, avocado, strawberries, cucumber, goat cheese and prosciutto with a ranch dressing (fat-free).  YUMM I cannot wait till 12:00!!!

Have a good day bloggers! 

XOXO Nikilee

Tuesday updates

So I am not blogging quite as much as I thought I would be by now, but honestly a lot of bad stuff that happens, I really don’t wanna bore you with so I don’t blog about it.  However this weekend (long weekends are on my top 5 favourite things list) was fairly safe, sane and peaceful. 

Saturday I weighed in at Weight Watchers and I lost the 0.2 pds I gained while in Bahamas – so I was happy about that, but I was really hoping for more of a loss.  Then I had dinner at my favourite restaurant Makimono with my sister-in-law and my youngest niece K.  I was happy to be out with them and even though me and T couldn’t gossip with K there, it was nice to be out and about with family – since that was our Premiers purpose for the extra day off right – spend it with family?? 

Sunday E called me.  Her and H were lying on her couches hung over so I agreed to come over and chill out with them.  Now I know my father was pissed because I didn’t get to the grocery shopping, but I like H and because it’s not really a secret (E has a big mouth) I wanted to go over.  Now we are just friends, but still being in the company of someone you have a tiny crush on, after being completely crushed all month by someone who totally doesn’t deserve you, is really, really nice.  We all just hung out, ate pizza, watched a lot of Dog Whisperer and hung out with E’s dogs Cairo and Vegas (my two favourite dogs EVER – especially Cairo the whore). 

Yesterday was the day I planned on cleaning, organizing and being productive.  And I was to a point.  I got the laundry done, I cleaned N’s bathing suit for her sisters Cuba trip and I packed up another box of stuff.  But at the same time, I didn’t feel like doing nothing at home, I wanted to do nothing with friends.  So I went to K’s house and we hung out and did nothing there.  We watched tv (The Closer – great show, Kyra Sedgwick) and ate Mr. Sub.  By the time I got home, I showered, started reading the new House of Night book K lent me, and then at 10 went to bed, knowing full well Tuesday morning would come swiftly and early.  And it has.

This week I have a work meeting for PAYE (partnership to advance youth employment), I have to finish grocery shopping, I need to go to Wal-Mart and pick up my pictures I printed for my massive picture frame, I need to pack more boxes and I would love the time to clean out my car.  Now if anyone wants to do any of the above for me, that would be great!!!  How did the rest of you spend your long weekend?  I would love to hear!

XOXO Nikilee

You never know what tomorrow brings

When the heel of your shoe breaks you fix it or throw it out, when your car breaks you fix it or replace it, but when your heart breaks, it’s not a simple fix, you can’t through it out or replace it.  You know I have been dealing with this broken heart for over a year now, but now that the final nail has been hammered into the coffin, my heart, which has felt so many emotions, is now – just empty.

I am a different person.  Within 24 hours my whole world and outlook on things has changed.  I don’t know why – I didn’t really learn anything new, I wasn’t shocked or surprised by my last conversation with the ex, but it’s like I have used up all of my emotions and I am empty.  Completely.  I need to time to fill up again.  Feeling my own heart break and seeing it mirrored in someone else is gut wrenching.

So today was a bad day.  Tomorrow will be a different day…better or worse, it will be different so I will keep one foot in front of the other.

XOXO Nikilee

P.S  “Autumn Came Upon Us With Some Confusion
Felt Like The Love That We Had Was An Illusion
When Winter Came In, Oh So Cold
It Froze Up Every Road” ~DRU

Candy, chicken and flowers

So of course yesterday was Valentines Day…and don’t we all love to be loved and spoiled – of course…I don’t know one girl who does not adore spoiling!  Well at work yesterday I brought yummy cookies, and a lot of other people brought chocolate so needless to say my diet went flying out the nearest window!  No, I was pretty good.  I had three cookies and three little kisses chocolates, but I ate a large salad at lunch so it was all off setting right!?

Then I went with N and K and N’s baby and mom to Swiss Chalet for our V-Day dinner.  It was super yummy and even though I was made fun of quite a bit, I barely touched my fries, focusing on my salad and chicken!  YUMM.

I went to K’s after dinner for some much-needed girl chat and got home around 7:20ish.  Well as soon as I walked in there was a huge wrapped bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table.  I unwrapped it not knowing who it was from. My dad was sure my ex had sent it because that’s what he does – grand gestures, but I figured since he skipped town (did I tell you he skipped town? well he has and I have no idea where he is) that there was no way he would have flowers delivered to my house!!!???  My friend M might have because he ditched me for dinner Sunday, but since he has his own relationship woes to deal with I doubted it. 

So I opened the flowers – beautiful – and the card, and yep, it was from the ex.  Now this bouquet is stunning.  I wish I could add a pic, but I am at work, not home – maybe later…and the card had a hand written note which was lovely.  But I am not sure what I am supposed to do with this.  It doesn’t say “hey I have been an ass, let’s make things right!”  So I am not going to do anything.  I am going to enjoy my beautiful flowers and my nice card and keep moving forward.  I have come so far and I am not going to go back to “limbo”.  The gesture was great, and I appreciate it because though I know a lot of people who don’t – I LOVE Valentines Day and I like getting flowers any day of the year, so yay for me! 

I hope everyone else had  a great day yesterday…care to share – comment please, I love hearing what everyone else did!!!

XOXO Nikilee

Each day’s a gift not a given right

We all know this right! Right?  I mean any day now we could die or be hurt and while we may not want to think of such awful things, it’s a reality.

I’ve been thinking, have I been living each day like it’s a gift?  Maybe not to the fullest, but I have gotten better.  I mean I am eating better, spending more wisely, enjoying my friendships, talking to new people, but even I know that there is more for me to do – more for me to accomplish.  I am still very dependent on my life being kept busy by others – if someone cancels plans on me with no warning, it upsets me.  If I am looking forward to something happening, and it doesn’t – I am hurt.  But I also know what it takes to make me happy, and that is me being me!

What a great concept!

Tonight I made lasagna and while I am sure some people wouldn’t like it – I am no E, not a chef in the least, I loved it.  It was fun and my dad loved it.  I cleaned up afterward and am now thinking of tomorrow – I have made cookies for staff and am having a V-day dinner with N and K which I am really looking forward to.

Life is looking up – and each day is really turning into a pretty great gift.  I can’t wait to see what I get tomorrow!

XOXO Nikilee