Everybody dies, but not everybody lives!


After months of feeling stagnant and unsure of myself or my future, I finally feel like I am living again, or at least able to see myself living!  I Nikilee30 was FLIRTING again.  I mean I haven’t flirted with someone in months!  I am the queen of flirting, I always get in trouble for my flirtatious manner.  I mean my ex would always tease me about my flirting, but since last year, other than with K, I haven’t flirted at all, at least not successfully.  But last night talking to N (Eharm guy) I actually had a fun time, joking around and flirting!  TA-DA!  Ya me! 

Last night I made these yummy Filet Mignon’s from m&m’s.  All I did was broil them for 30 minutes (15 min each side) and seasoned them with Mrs Dash and they were absolutely heaven!  I am not even a good cook (at all – seriously), but I ate it up with numerous points to spare!  I have the other one for lunch today and while I know it won’t be as good re-heated, I am looking forward to it! 

Tonight I will be going by the Scarborough Town Centre – I need to pick up furnishings (a.k.a bra’s and underwear).  I can’t wait till I can go shopping at Ricki’s and maybe be a size smaller – 16 pds down – a whole lot still to go, but I am determined now more than ever and I will succeed on my own – by living my life to the fullest!

XOXO Nikilee

Dating is like a box of Chocolates…

You never know what you’re gonna get…

Well thankfully, my date with N last night went well.  We met for coffee, chatted and had a pretty good time considering the blindness of our date!  I left pretty happy!  We txted back and forth last night and hopefully we’ll see each other again. 

I am horrible at dating, I have never really “dated”.  Not the way you see on tv anyway.  I mean, I usually have always dated someone I knew prior, a friend or a friend of a friend.  I am a relationship kind of girl, this dating thing is soooo new to me.  I like it though.  All the nervous anticipation – at least on my part – but like many other things in life, I believe dating is a skill you can improve with practice.  So I look forward to improving this skill!  LOL…

I always feel like I talk to much, or don’t talk enough – what if there is silence – can’t it be a comfortable silence even in the beginning – if so, why does it always feel awkward?  What topics are taboo – I know bringing up the ex is supposed to be off-limits, but I have two very long relationships and most of the last ten years I have had a boyfriend who was a big part of my life so it’s hard not to mention something.  I know there are a million and one books on dating, but really – reading a book for dating…it just shouldn’t be that hard or complicated.  I will figure it all out, I mean if I can get this far in life successfully I am NOT going to let dating defeat me!

Today is mentoring day which always makes me happy!  However I must admit I am so excited for the day to be over and for me to go home, cook dinner, shower, get in my pj’s and watch the Biggest Loser with my dad – Tuesday night tradition!

Have a great Tuesday ya’ll!

XOXO Nikilee

A weekend of good news and peace!

So Friday when I went to my specialist office she gave me great news!  My wound, after two freaking years has finally closed!  WOOT WOOT!  I joked about how my ex was sabotaging my healing efforts so he could spend more time with me – but really my body just likes to take its own sweet time with healing.  BUT IT’S OVER! 

Friday night R and K, my nieces, slept over and we watched Megamind.  What a horrible movie – Will Farrell, Brad Pitt – you should be ashamed for making such a lame child’s movie.  But the girls had fun and they loved it. 

Saturday, after dropping the girl’s home and picking up their mother, I went to my weekly weight watchers meeting – I was down another 1.8.  Could this weekend get any better???  YES!  Cause my sister lost 3.2 and my two friends A and C I go with also lost weight!  We are all losers baby! 

Saturday afternoon was N’s sons 2nd birthday so there was a tonne of kids (littles and biggies) and I was fairly well-behaved.  I had one cupcake, no hot dogs and no pop!  Go me!  J was adorable and everyone seemed to be having a great time!  After everyone left me, K and N and her family all went to Jack Astors for dinner.  I had a steak, veggies and mashed potatoes – overall it was a high point dinner, but that’s what weekly points are for right!  At Jack’s I saw this girl who is a good friend of the above mentioned ex.  She didn’t mention him, but just politely said hi.  More than I could have expected from her so that was good – the last thing I want to do is re-hash my ex files to his friends and in front of MY friends!  Ick.

Sunday was church (Global Kingdom Ministries in Scarborough) and grocery shopping.  This seems to be my new Sunday ritual.  Church was great as always, my sister is coming with me next week and it was nice to come home and relax, watch movies (Confessions of a shopaholic and Love and Other Drugs).

I talked to Eharm guy quite a bit this weekend and we are supposed to meet today for coffee after work.  Wish me luck!!!

The only crappy thing this weekend was me falling down my front steps in front of the house and landing on my side.  All my muscles hurt – they have hurt since yesterday now.  It’s my own fault.  I didn’t shovel the stairs after the big snow last week and the porch doesn’t get enough sun long enough to melt.  Needless to say I have thrown a tonne of salt down so that won’t happen again!

Have a great week bloggers! 

XOXO Nikilee

Maybe I need Iron?

So I was talking to the guy from EHarm yesterday through text and it was like 9:30ish.  I turned my tv off as there was nothing on and I wanted to talk to A – who is now N (long story).  I sent a text and the next thing I know my alarm is going off and its 6 am!!!  I checked my phone – yep he had texted me a couple of times and then guessed I had fallen asleep – shoot me now.  I make such great impressions right!  A 30-year-old woman who can’t stay awake past 9:30.  I am going to be single forever!  LOL

Thankfully he joked about me falling asleep so hopefully he isn’t too insulted.  N if you ever read this – I swear I did NOT fall asleep because of our conversation…I think maybe I need to add Iron to my vitamin list.  UGH!  So sorry!  xoxox

I would like to vent today about alllll the people driving on the 401 yesterday around 4:30.  In Toronto the weather has been really decent.  The snow was gone, the roads dry.  Yesterday we got walloped with 10-14 cm of snow.  Okay, we have been dealing with snow since December!  How did you all forget how to drive in it?? I get it, its slippery and we all must drive with caution.  I have no problem with that, I was expecting my drive time to be probably double what it normally is – but triple!  REALLY???  I wish it was Spring and so do most people, but we live in Canada which means possible snow days until at least May “cast not a clout till May is out” says my father!  Todays drive was much better!  I am so grateful my snow tires are still on my car – she is my baby and if she got hurt, I would kill the sucker that hurt her – okay maybe that’s to dramatic, but I’d be really, REALLY mad!  LOL…

XOXO Nikilee


I am not talking about dreams as in your hopes and dreams…I mean the pain in the ass things your brain conjures up when you are sleeping.

So for 7 (SEVEN) nights straight I had a dream with a recurring theme – the ex, being his now usual jack ass self with A.  BUT last night…I had a fantastic dream, if not a little creepy.  Because I love to share – here I go.

I was at this place where I was handing out books.  I saw Damon (from Vampire Diaries) and he was about to kill someone (aka bite them).  I screamed so instead he grabbed me and ran (Twilight style) to a house he shared with his brother (Stefan).  Now I know this seems insane so far…but I love these two men and I was so happy it kept going…

Stefan fell in love with me – of course – but Damon also had feelings for me, but he wouldn’t admit them, he just sulked and acted annoyed whenever I was near Stefan.  Now the only thing that sucked at this point in the dream was that Stefan was feeding off my blood and it hurt whenever he would cut me to get some blood.  I saw a lot of crazy stuff/stuff that should have terrified me, but again, I was never scared.

Now I knew these people in my dream who hated Vampires so as me and the boys were walking along the Skywalk in Toronto, one of the people grabs me and tells me to close my eyes, being startled, I do.  Then the next thing I know Stefan is staked and dies and something happened to Damon as well.  I was left crying on the floor for both men.  Intense right – okay maybe not, but I loved it (not the death part).

Okay so yes I watch too much TV we already came to this conclusion…BUT I have not watched Vampire Diaries or Twilight in weeks!  In fact there has been no Vampire tv shows or movies or books on my rader.  I don’t know why I dreamed this…could Stefan and Damon really be A and K…HAHAHA  wouldn’t that be just like my brain to play tricks on me. 

Ya these are the guys I loved and who loved me back – what a great dream!  I love my dreams sometimes…

On to more interesting things…E-harmony is going okay.  I am still talking to that same guy I told you about last week.  Another guy messaged me so we will see what happens there.  I don’t understand most men, clearly, but one guy R sent me an icebreaker  “seeing your face made me smile”.  I thought that was sweet, so even though I wasn’t that impressed by his profile, I sent him some questions and he what did he do – he closed contact with me!!??  WTF!  Why send an icebreaker if you are not interested??  Dumb men.  It’s fun though to talk to new people…I am just glad I haven’t been matched with anyone I know yet – that would suck!

Have a great hump day everyone!

XOXO Nikilee

On-line dating…uh huh

So I have been sending questions back and forth to one guy A and we seem to want the same things in a relationship – he seems nice, he’s a bit young (27), but I am trying not to let that affect anything.  I mean I am only just turned 30 right.  Two other guys I sent questions to closed our match so being rejected kinda sucks, but I mean, I have turned down and closed a few matches as well so I guess I shouldn’t feel bad if not every guy I want to talk to doesn’t feel like talking back to me.  😦  LOL

I really wonder sometimes how they match people.  I mean I specifically have said I am looking for a husband and I want a family.  They are matching me with guys who say “maybe” to wanting children.  I don’t even bother looking at them, because I know what I want.  I am not going to waste energy trying to convince a guy to have a family.  I already spent 5 years with M and 5 years with A wanting a family and getting nothing but disappointment.  I am not giving up hope that maybe E Harm will be successful for me, I just need to get my head straight and let go of the past and look forward to the future.  We will see, time will tell!

It’s Friday people!  Enjoy your weekend, have fun, party, relax, sleep in and eat yummy food!  I’ll be back on Monday!

XOXO Nikilee

Happy St Patrick’s Day

Hello everyone!

So today is the day the Irish get to celebrate!  Wear your green and wear it proud!

Now while I am not Irish I am still wearing my green in support of St Patrick’s  Day and I know that if I liked beer I would go and drink a pint of  green beer along with everyone else this evening, but I don’t so I am not going to.  But at work today we are having a potato lunch with all the trimmings!  YUMM

On another note, I signed into E Harmony the other day, just to see what could happen.  I mean you never know right…I could meet my actual Prince Charming and if not, well at least I will meet some new people and maybe even go on a date or two.  It could happen (couldn’t it?).  I will update you all with my dating adventures if it does.  So far I have made contact with 4 guys and one guy A has sent me a couple of messages now so we will see!!!  Wish me luck (or if you know a guy between 30-38 who lives in or near Toronto who is gainfully employed, single and an actual “nice guy” you can send him my way!  LOL…

Have a great GREEN day everyone!

XOXO Nikilee