It’s Friday already

So I know you are not supposed to complain when Friday comes about, and I am not really…it’s just been a crazy week having been off sick Wednesday, at the job fair Thursday and today at P’s mom’s funeral. 

What a beautiful service it was though.  The church was gorgeous and the prayers and hymns made me question my own faith (or lack thereof).  I haven’t been to church in a few years even though I feel very comfortable and at home at Global Kingdom Ministries in Scarborough.  I don’t know why I stopped going, I guess I was hoping my ex would come with me, to build our relationship with each other and with God.  But he never did.  He always had a reason – he was working, he had baseball etc etc…and for some reason I let that impact my own relationship with God.  Now I am not the preachy type, I will never tell you to believe in God because I am to new to the church to even begin to understand what that would mean for someone’s life.  I have been touched by God and I know many families who believe in the Lord or of a God other than the one Christians believe in and they all feel like He has touched their lives and the lives of those around him on a constant basis. 

I want to start going to church again.  For myself, not for my ex or for my friends or for my family, but for ME.  Because I choose the life I lead, and I haven’t led a happy one for a long time. 

I went and saw S last night, my therapist, and we talked about what I am now looking for in a man.  It was simple and yet not so simple at the same time.  I am looking for a husband, or at least someone who wants to be a husband, and a father to the children I want to have.  But even more so then that, I am looking for someone who simply just loves me and can say it to me AND show it to me.  Someone who can communicate with me and whom I can discuss MY fears with and HIS fears with.  I want someone who puts our relationship first because I will do the same thing for him.  Anyway, that’s just what we have been talking about. 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with surprises and happiness!  Take care till Monday!

XOXO Nikilee

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