So I know you are not supposed to complain when Friday comes about, and I am not really…it’s just been a crazy week having been off sick Wednesday, at the job fair Thursday and today at P’s mom’s funeral.
What a beautiful service it was though. The church was gorgeous and the prayers and hymns made me question my own faith (or lack thereof). I haven’t been to church in a few years even though I feel very comfortable and at home at Global Kingdom Ministries in Scarborough. I don’t know why I stopped going, I guess I was hoping my ex would come with me, to build our relationship with each other and with God. But he never did. He always had a reason – he was working, he had baseball etc etc…and for some reason I let that impact my own relationship with God. Now I am not the preachy type, I will never tell you to believe in God because I am to new to the church to even begin to understand what that would mean for someone’s life. I have been touched by God and I know many families who believe in the Lord or of a God other than the one Christians believe in and they all feel like He has touched their lives and the lives of those around him on a constant basis.
I want to start going to church again. For myself, not for my ex or for my friends or for my family, but for ME. Because I choose the life I lead, and I haven’t led a happy one for a long time.
I went and saw S last night, my therapist, and we talked about what I am now looking for in a man. It was simple and yet not so simple at the same time. I am looking for a husband, or at least someone who wants to be a husband, and a father to the children I want to have. But even more so then that, I am looking for someone who simply just loves me and can say it to me AND show it to me. Someone who can communicate with me and whom I can discuss MY fears with and HIS fears with. I want someone who puts our relationship first because I will do the same thing for him. Anyway, that’s just what we have been talking about.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with surprises and happiness! Take care till Monday!