Cedarbrae CI. 50th Anniversary

My high school is having its 50th anniversary reunion this weekend.  I am not joining in on any of the festivities.

The social, popular side of me is pretty bummed because it would be great to return to my high school where I first fell in love, learned what real friendship was and had teachers that encouraged and inspired me.

However, the adult in me, the rational, logical side of me thinks if I had gone, it would have been taking a huge step back and that is not something I felt prepared to do.

For one thing.  I met the ex while in Cedarbrae and granted we were just friends, but we were the best of friends and I have given up that friendship – I need no reminder of that.

Second, a lot of ass holes went to my high school.  Kids who were bullies and treated me and others like they were better than me because they had money and were athletic and got great grades.  Why do I want to remind myself how badly I wanted to be in their clique??

Third, thanks to facebook, I have reconnected with every single person I lost touch with after highschool that I wanted to and for the most part, I de-friended them because we had grown apart and didn’t have a lot in common anymore.

So as much as I can look back at my high school days and remember all the good times, I am in a much different place in my life then I was 11 years ago and I love where I am.  I refuse to allow any set backs!

Cedarbrae Collegiate – you are my past, a past I will never forget, but I am looking to my future, my amazing, healthy, happy future.  I am grateful for the lessons you taught me, but because I learned them so well, I was unable to come today.  I hope you enjoyed opening your doors to your alumni!

XOXO Nikilee

What happened to original movies?

So it’s Friday, me and R are still getting to know each other and wanted to go to a movie tonight to spend some more time together.  He told me what was playing and more than half of what was out there were sequels!  Well he has not really seen many movies since coming to Canada so there is no point in going to a show!  Between Hangover part two, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Fast Five etc I can’t help but wonder – does no one have an original thought anymore? 

Now we are going to stay in, (which I am NOT opposed to by any means) watch movies that are rented (or bought so the case may be) and I will work on catching him up on great American cinema. 

Hopefully after watching movies at home for a while he will be ready to go back to the theaters and watch the million sequels that are out there. 

I shake my head at you Hollywood!  With so many talented directors, writers, actors and actresses, you leave them nothing interesting to do, but the same old same old! 

Have a great weekend everyone and if you have ideas for movies to show R (on DVD) pass them along!

XOXO Nikilee

How could someone so happy be so grouchy??

Oh the early stages of love – they feel so … whats the word – heavenly.  The butterflies, the nerves, all the thoughts that run through your head about the future.  It’s amazing.  My relationship with R is building nicely.  He is kind, considerate, handsome, sweet I could go on and on, but I know some people would never return to this blog if all I did was talk about how great my boyfriend was – besides I did that last time and look where it got me – uh huh!

I went to R’s apt last night because my sister-in-law is not feeling well.  It felt so good to see him, even though I just saw him Monday.  I just feel so at peace when I have him close to me, the smile on my face never leaves. 

Until I got outside and left his apt and the pouring rain made it next to impossible to see more than two feet in front of my face!  Have I ever mentioned how much I hate rain, being wet and cold, not being able to see while I drive?  It puts me in such a foul mood.  Waking up this morning was next to impossible with the overcast sky – the threatening rain I just knew was going to start falling when I started for work.  Luckily R called me and woke me up, because I was contemplating staying in bed and being miserable for the day.  So now I am at work, wet and cold because of the rain, which means I will be grouchy for a majority of this day.  I think on days like today, everyone should get a mental health day.  All this rain and cloud cover can not be good for ones mental health.  I believe it has probably rained or at least spit outside everyday for like 2-3 weeks.  I know on Saturday it stayed dry, but the clouds threatened rain which was close enough for me to call their bluff! 

I am hoping we get some sun, some beautiful vitamin D to soak into my skin, so I can fully enjoy this new glow I have with R.  I guess it’s only fair that something NOT be perfect, if everything was perfect then I would be spoiled too much!  I will just enjoy what time I have with R now and continue praying for better weather to enjoy time with him outside!

Have a great day everyone

XOXO Nikilee

Patience Pays

So in October, I begged God to take me away from all the pain and suffering I was living through because of my situation with my ex.  I could see no way out of it and I was in a place that I never imagined me being in.

But that was almost a year ago – and while this year has been torturous and revealing of many people’s character, I have survived and come out on the other end so strong and so happy with my life.  However, I never imagined myself falling in love again – or even being open to it.

And now I do.  I met a man on the weekend, R, whom I have been talking to for two weeks over the phone and there was an instant connection between us.  We had a wonderful first date – dinner and a movie *Jumping the Broom*, and yesterday he came to church with me.  He is already a Christian, but had wanted to make GKM his home church for a while now, so when he found out that was my home church, he made the move with me!  I am happy.  I have had a constant smile on my face since Saturday and I feel truly cared for.  We both feel like patience pays because when he came to this country, instead of dating right away, he went to school, got a job and got himself somewhat settled.  When he decided he was ready to date, he was introduced to me (through a mutual friend).

So all I can say to you this Victoria Day Monday, is if there is something you want, something your heart desires, give it to God, but let people know, let people in and accept all of the gifts you’ve been given.  I feel like R is a gift to me that I am going to so gratefully accept.

XOXO Nikilee

I’m so proud I could cry

So the other day my niece R came over and asked me if she could start a blog.  After going through internet safety etc – she is only 12 – I started her out her own blog.  She wanted to write about video games, but I told her she could write about anything.

Today I decided to check out her blog.  She had written about “The Book of Awesome”.  Her blog was so cute.  I mean it will be for younger people obviously as it is written from a 12-year-old girls perspective, but sometimes she just amazes me.

So today is Friday and I am home – why?  Not because I have a headache, but because I am on a vacation day.  What have I done this exciting day?  NOTHING!  I slept in, I finished the second Harry Potter book for the fourth time and I watched tv.  Now I am here, with all of you!  Tonight I am going to a comedy club with my friend E and my sister-in-law and brother  and four of my brothers friends.  I am thinking tonight will be bittersweet.  I love spending time with E and T and even my brother at times.  Heck, I even like my brothers friend T so that will be fun, BUT I do not like any of the other people coming.  They are low lifes, people who I would never associate with given any other choice.  My brother should have more respect for himself and his wife, but whatever, that is his decision.  I will enjoy the evening with my friends and do everything I can to ignore – blatantly, the moronic fools who are also going – Tom and Lorna, this means you.  I know I never use names on here, but really…

Tomorrow I am super excited because I have a date.  I am going for dinner and a movie with R.  We have been talking for over a week now and he is very kind.  A friend of  a friend and that’s all I am saying about that.  I don’t want to jinx anything, but I have a pretty good feeling about this one.

I hope you all enjoy your long weekends and I hope you build many happy memories!

To me, awesome is a four-day weekend filled with friends, family and food! What is your awesome???

XOXO Nikilee

Just when I needed Him, He was there

**Update below my signature**

So as you all know I have started going to church again.  I truly feel that God got me through this past year – especially October through to March which were the hardest few months of my entire existence. 

I have been thinking lately that hating my ex and a certain someone else is a lot for my new slimmer shoulders to bear.  Hating anyone is a lot to deal with.  I will never be friends with my ex again, I can almost guarantee that, but forgiving him for what he has done to me and us is something I think I am ready for.  I have been praying about it – a lot – lately.  In the morning, at night, at church, begging for a sign that forgiveness is the right thing.  I have also been praying for a way to forgive without feeling like I am letting him off the hook because he does not deserve to be let off the hook. 

Last night at my Alpha class (Christianity for beginners) just before we separated into our groups for discussion, our leader handed out a sheet of paper with no explanation at all.  The entire sheet was about forgiveness, how to forgive, why forgive at all etc.  I almost broke down in tears right then and there.  I just sat there stunned as everyone got up to move into groups.  Then I smiled and felt this huge weight lifted off my shoulder.  I need to forgive my ex and leave the consequences in the Lord’s hands.  Why should I be burdened by it…it’s not worth my time or energy and it does not do me or anyone else around me any good. 

So I am going to work on a letter – for him.  Telling him exactly how I feel and why I feel it and in the end, I will forgive him and leave him to deal with God.

It feels great.  I feel great – well minus the headache I’ve had for a few days – and I will continue feeling better the farther removed I become from this whole nightmare!

XOXO Nikilee

***update***                                                                                                                                                                                                                  at Lunch, I went to mentor – the little girl goes to a Catholic School – the sign outside had been changed to “forgive so all can be forgiven” 

Right, okay, I got the message!

10% – I reached it!

So Saturday morning I was all ready to weigh in.  I knew that I had to lose 0.9 pds in order to lose my 10% thus allowing me to eat Makimono again.  My sister and I agreed a couple of weeks ago that until she reached her 5% and I reached my 10% neither of us would be allowed anywhere near our favourite sushi place.  This was a perfect incentive.  Except for some reason, we both had a couple of weeks where we lost nothing!!  NOTHING!!  Good grief! 

However, my sister stepped on the scale first and she lost 3.2 pds which means she lost her 5%!  We high-fived and screamed and I was sooooo happy for her!  Except now the pressure was on!  I stepped on my scale and thought light thoughts – feathers, balloons, cotton balls – and the beautiful lady behind the counter said 2.4.  I asked the most intelligent question I could come up with: up or down??  When she said down I whooped it up and high fived my sister again and screamed out Makimono!  Now the lady in line behind us was not happy about going after us, but we were so excited we just couldn’t care less about who we were making nervous!  I have lost 22.5 pds and my sister has lost 9.6!  We are so awesome, I am so proud of us both!!

Now I need to lose another 10%.  I am starting from scratch.  which means I have another 19 pds to go.  When I hit that landmark I have no idea what I will give myself, but it will be good – maybe that sweet leather jacket I want from Danier since I ruined my white one I bought there a year or two ago – blue pen on white leather does NOT come out!  😦

Anyone who feels they cannot lose weight and it’s too hard, go to a weight watchers meeting!  I love this company, I love points plus and most of all I love food and I never see that changing – ever – so at least I have found a way to incorporate my fav foods into my life and still lose weight!!! 

 This is not a sprint, it’s a marathon!

XOXO Nikilee