Just when I needed Him, He was there

**Update below my signature**

So as you all know I have started going to church again.  I truly feel that God got me through this past year – especially October through to March which were the hardest few months of my entire existence. 

I have been thinking lately that hating my ex and a certain someone else is a lot for my new slimmer shoulders to bear.  Hating anyone is a lot to deal with.  I will never be friends with my ex again, I can almost guarantee that, but forgiving him for what he has done to me and us is something I think I am ready for.  I have been praying about it – a lot – lately.  In the morning, at night, at church, begging for a sign that forgiveness is the right thing.  I have also been praying for a way to forgive without feeling like I am letting him off the hook because he does not deserve to be let off the hook. 

Last night at my Alpha class (Christianity for beginners) just before we separated into our groups for discussion, our leader handed out a sheet of paper with no explanation at all.  The entire sheet was about forgiveness, how to forgive, why forgive at all etc.  I almost broke down in tears right then and there.  I just sat there stunned as everyone got up to move into groups.  Then I smiled and felt this huge weight lifted off my shoulder.  I need to forgive my ex and leave the consequences in the Lord’s hands.  Why should I be burdened by it…it’s not worth my time or energy and it does not do me or anyone else around me any good. 

So I am going to work on a letter – for him.  Telling him exactly how I feel and why I feel it and in the end, I will forgive him and leave him to deal with God.

It feels great.  I feel great – well minus the headache I’ve had for a few days – and I will continue feeling better the farther removed I become from this whole nightmare!

XOXO Nikilee

***update***                                                                                                                                                                                                                  at Lunch, I went to mentor – the little girl goes to a Catholic School – the sign outside had been changed to “forgive so all can be forgiven” 

Right, okay, I got the message!

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