The free dictionary describes a compromise as:

1. To arrive at a settlement by making concessions. 

 This one sounds pretty good.  Two parties (or more) arrive at a decision by each one giving and taking a little.  They give on the things that aren’t so important to them and they take on the things that are of most importance.  When two people are in a relationship – any relationship (family, friend, work, or boy/girlfriend) it is a given that compromising will become a part of your life.  Your partner is not going to have every quality that you have.  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses they possess and everyone has something that is a deal breaker. 

When you are in a romantic relationship with someone, it is these deal breakers that make – or break – that relationship.  With my ex there were numerous compromises on both our parts that had to be made.  I realize now that there just ended up being to many – along with numerous other issues.  Our respective issues were deal breakers. 

However with the relationship I am in now with Richard, there haven’t been to many compromises made (at least that I can see).  He has to realize I love my sleep and my girlfriends almost equally and I need time for both.  However I try to ensure that he gets time with me and me alone so that he does not feel jilted in any way.  I have to understand that there are many cultural differences between us and some of these things I need to compromise on, but none of it feels like a sacrifice (at least not yet). 

 This brings me to the Free Dictionaries second definition:

2. To reduce the quality, value, or degree of something.
I didn’t like this definition because it sounds like you are reducing, devaluing the quality of life.  I don’t feel like any compromise should reduce the quality, value or degree of anything and that if it does, it’s to much of a compromise.  I can’t say this for sure, because maybe one day I will have to do so ( shallow e.g. spending no money on shoes because you have babies and they require food, clothing etc). This e.g reduces the quality of my shoe closet which is pretty fantastic, but it’s for a completely wonderful thing (a child).  So while it reduces the quality of one thing – it doesn’t feel like a compromise because it is for your child whom you love and cherish and adore. 
I believe every great relationship requires compromising on certain issues and that deal breakers need to be followed because they are things you do not, or can not, live with or accept.  Every woman and man should have their list of things they will compromise on and things they won’t.  I have my list and it is to great and personal to list here, but after the demise of two, five-year relationships deal breakers are a mandatory part of my life. 
XOXO Nikilee

Down a pound, not happy though

I didn’t earn it!  I have gone four weeks without tracking – its been luck – all luck!  I am ashamed to have lost a pound.  I couldn’t even bring it up at my WW meeting Saturday because it was not earned.  Sigh.  I started this blog because I was hoping it would help me stay on tack – and it did.  At first. 

Once I lost almost my full 25 pounds, I got cocky.  Like many before me and many will after me I. Got. Cocky.  However, since giving up on tracking and not focusing my efforts on my weight loss, I have lost nothing and gained nothing.  I am still just under 25 pounds and have been like this since the end of May.  It’s been almost two months.  I am sad.  I am frustrated – with myself, and I am ashamed. 

When people tell me how great I look, I have to hang my head in shame.  I look the same as I did almost TWO months ago!  I just wear different clothes so I look different in them.  Sigh.

I need to figure out a way to get back on track, do something special.  I didn’t track yesterday or today I so I guess tracking won’t be the thing I do this week – maybe some workouts?  Walks?  I don’t know…

I guess I just need to be my own support, as I have been all along.  Get back to ME time.  hmmmm….

XOXO Nikilee

My dedication to Harry Potter

I am WELL aware of what my friends, family and co-workers think of my obsession with Harry Potter.  They ask how old I am, if I am crazy and they call me many, many names!  Now listen, this is my HP story:

Back in 2002 I took a Children’s Literacy course at Trent University.  One of the books we had to read was Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone by J.K Rowling.  I was not thrilled.  It had never interested me and I had no desire to read it.  However, as it was part of the Curriculum I picked it up and read it.  And a day later I was done.  Not because it was short, but because I could not put it down.  I went out and bought the next two books and finished them within a week.  I was taken up by this boys story with his friends.  Fantasy has never interested me.  Witchcraft and wizardry – really?!  I had never read them as a child and still to this day, they are not the books I go to first.  But HP had me hooked from the first chapter of the first book. 

I have read all 7 books numerous times and for numerous reasons.  I have watched all of the movies numerous times and with various people.  However my one friend EL has to be the MOST dedicated HP fan of them all.  Since meeting EL a few years ago we have spent many days and evenings watching the movies, talking about the books and sharing stories about our HP obsession – and for the record – hers is MUCH worse than mine!  LOL

For the past two movies – 6 and the first part of 7, we have faithfully lined up with all the teenagers hours before the premier and watched the movies together for the first time at the midnight showing.  And that is exactly what we are doing tonight.  I will go line up for ten p.m. and EL will join me after her “business” dinner with her hubby. 

After tonight, it will be all over.  No more new HP stuff to ever look forward to.  HOWEVER, it has been hinted by both J.K Rowling herself and many gossip columns that she MAY let us know what happened before HP was born – the Lord Voldemort stuff…and that would be great! 

I will miss HP, he has become a small part of my life (that is quite fulfilled thank you very much!) that is leaving and while I am excited to see how the movie ends the story, I am a little sad that there will be no more Harry, Hermoine or Ron to look forward to.

I guess all I’ll have left is Twilight – and if you think I am a loser for my HP love – WAIT till you see my Twilight obsession!

XOXO Nikilee

Happy Sweet 16 Nancy

So Nancy isn’t really 16, but she also really doesn’t want to turn 30.  She wasn’t as ecstatic about it as I was.  Nancy is one of my best girl friends!  We have been friend since we were 15 where we met in Grade 9 Computer class.  I could never tell you who our teacher was or what I learned from that class, but I can tell you that I met a girl named Nancy who would eventually become one of my bff’s!

We have gone through numerous ups (the summer of 16, Spice girls concert, boys, Bahamas and parties) and downs (ex-boys, bitchy ex-friends etc) but through it all we have had each others backs and I am lucky to call her my friend.   She is thirty today and I can’t believe we have known each other for 15 years!  WOW!  That is half of our lives which is probably why she was dreading turning 30 – I mean being able to say you have known someone half your life makes you sound old.  But in those 15 years we have learned a lot and grown a lot. 

Nancy has a beautiful son name Jake, she is an amazing mother!  She is a single mom who works full-time, but still tries her best to make time for her friends and family.  I don’t know how she does it, I know I couldn’t, but she does it and her son is an adorable boy who is the spitting image of her inside and out. 

Nancy will be having a great trailer trash party this weekend and I cannot wait to celebrate with her and K.  It will be great and now I won’t be the only 30-year-old! She has jumped ship with me finally and now we have to wait till September to have K join us! 

Happy Birthday Nancy, I love you and I know your 30’s will be the best decade yet!

XOXO Nikilee