Compromising

The free dictionary describes a compromise as:

1. To arrive at a settlement by making concessions. 

 This one sounds pretty good.  Two parties (or more) arrive at a decision by each one giving and taking a little.  They give on the things that aren’t so important to them and they take on the things that are of most importance.  When two people are in a relationship – any relationship (family, friend, work, or boy/girlfriend) it is a given that compromising will become a part of your life.  Your partner is not going to have every quality that you have.  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses they possess and everyone has something that is a deal breaker. 

When you are in a romantic relationship with someone, it is these deal breakers that make – or break – that relationship.  With my ex there were numerous compromises on both our parts that had to be made.  I realize now that there just ended up being to many – along with numerous other issues.  Our respective issues were deal breakers. 

However with the relationship I am in now with Richard, there haven’t been to many compromises made (at least that I can see).  He has to realize I love my sleep and my girlfriends almost equally and I need time for both.  However I try to ensure that he gets time with me and me alone so that he does not feel jilted in any way.  I have to understand that there are many cultural differences between us and some of these things I need to compromise on, but none of it feels like a sacrifice (at least not yet). 

 This brings me to the Free Dictionaries second definition:

2. To reduce the quality, value, or degree of something.
 
I didn’t like this definition because it sounds like you are reducing, devaluing the quality of life.  I don’t feel like any compromise should reduce the quality, value or degree of anything and that if it does, it’s to much of a compromise.  I can’t say this for sure, because maybe one day I will have to do so ( shallow e.g. spending no money on shoes because you have babies and they require food, clothing etc). This e.g reduces the quality of my shoe closet which is pretty fantastic, but it’s for a completely wonderful thing (a child).  So while it reduces the quality of one thing – it doesn’t feel like a compromise because it is for your child whom you love and cherish and adore. 
 
I believe every great relationship requires compromising on certain issues and that deal breakers need to be followed because they are things you do not, or can not, live with or accept.  Every woman and man should have their list of things they will compromise on and things they won’t.  I have my list and it is to great and personal to list here, but after the demise of two, five-year relationships deal breakers are a mandatory part of my life. 
 
XOXO Nikilee
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