I’m to busy to be sick

So the worse possible thing that could have happened has happened.  I am sick.  I knew it was coming, I mean I have been going non-stop since my dad had his heart attack and I was stunned my body gave me so much for the past 10 weeks.

I know I have been a bit MIA for the last little bit, but I have been busy moving, thinking and acting.  Now is the time where I can share with you all.  Richard and I are no longer together.  We broke up a few weeks ago.  I just realized he is a very nice man whom I will never stop caring about, but whom I cannot give all of myself to at this time and it wasn’t fair to him.  I wish him all the luck and love in the world.

I have been looking after my father – making sure he has his food, his pills, that he has attended all his appointments and is in general – comfortable.  He has seen his doctors and they all are very happy with how well he is doing since his massive heart attack back in July.  I love my father and I will do everything in my power to ensure he is a happy, content man until the Lord decides it’s time.  NOW is NOT his time.

Work has been a little more than foolish.  I have attended two, week-long trainings.  One was on Life Skills Coaching and one was Facilitation training.  They were both amazing experiences where I learned a lot, probably more than any other training I have attended.  Everyone is talking strike, layoffs and lockouts in my field.  I mean the City is in debt and the mayor wants to kill that debt.  I am just hoping that people are not part of the gravy train.  All of my co-workers give themselves to their job including myself and layoffs would not only hurt office morale, it would destroy it.  I am keeping my faith in the Lord strong because I know that believing in Him will get me through this round of contract negotiations.

I was in Niagara Falls on Saturday when a very ironic thought hit me.  As of October first 2011 I have been home, away from the ex for one full year.  I know we broke up the July before, but we continued living together until October so I have always thought of that month as the end of the end.  I say it was ironic that I thought of it in Niagara because Niagara I always thought of as “our place” since we went there so often and had our official first date there.  Now I was there with girl friends for M’s bachelorette party with 9 other ladies so the situation was extremely different, if it hadn’t been I might have reacted differently.  So much has changed in a year and I cannot help but think, if I was the girl I am now back then maybe things would have turned out differently.

When I say this, don’t get me wrong, this break-up was no way near all of my fault and lots of things went down that had nothing to do with me, but I do take my responsibility in the break-up quite seriously and I know I was a disappointment and that hurts because he was my best-friend and I have lost my best-friend and part of that is my fault.  However I have changed, I am stronger, smarter, busier, healthier and happier then I have been in numerous years.  Part of this is because of my girl-friends and part of this is because of me.  If I ever get to truly love again and give my all to someone, I don’t want to ever screw it up – or hurt someone the way I hurt my ex.  I have taken this year and grown.  I can truly say I am proud of me.  I am a great person.

Another reason I have been so busy is that I am taking ASL 2 at Seneca College.  I completed ASL 1 with  4.0 average and I felt like I was really good at signing, however since starting part 2 three weeks ago, I have felt like a fish outta water.  I barely can even think of the correct signs I want to use let alone execute them!!!  It’s frustrating, but it’s something I will concur!!  I have never let a course I enjoyed beat me before and I ain’t going to start now!

So this is me blogging friends, I am busy, but I am happy – well other than being sick – but in general life is good.  I miss certain people whom are no longer  a part of my life ( and I am not talking about the ex, well not entirely) but other people who aren’t here with me any more sharing this journey with me, but I am still moving forward and I love that!  I hope you all have missed me, because I miss all of you.  Have a great evening my friends

XOXO Nikilee


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