Feeling a bit blue today

I met a guy that asked me for coffee yesterday.  Being single, and having nothing else to do yesterday, I readily agreed.  It was a great coffee date (okay Vanilla Bean Frappacino, but you know what I mean).  We just talked and laughed and kissed good-bye.  We talked most of the night and the connection seemed to be pretty good.  However, there were a few things he said (and the way he said them) that made me second guess everything.

I woke up at 4 am after a dream of us on opposite sides of a room not able to reach each other.  I was unable to fall asleep again and by the time my alarm went off at 7:30 I knew I would not be seeing him again. I messaged him, then went to church and prayed about it.  I feel so lame, I mean we only knew each other a day.  Why would I be upset about losing a possible relationship that never had time to get started??

When I came home there was a message from him – he was upset and wanted to know why I felt the way I did.  I tried to explain, but everything didn’t feel quite so bad as they had at 4 am.  I stayed strong and even though he asked me to reconsider, I said no.

I have spent the past year trying to figure out what went wrong with my ex and understand my part of it.  I have read and thought and blogged and really contemplated what I want from a relationship, hence why I had to end things with Richard.  I don’t want to end up in the same situation – crazy about a guy I can’t see a future with.

I just worry that one day I may regret ending things before they even began.  I mean, he is a good man, has a big family, has a daughter (whose picture is adorable) is financially stable and really liked me for me.  What if I end up alone??  What if I let the devastation of losing my ex ruin every possibility?  Am I being nit picky?  I always seem to second guess myself when it comes to guys now.

He said we may be able to be friends, I hope that is possible.

What a way to spend Thanksgiving…

XOXO Nikilee