I met a guy that asked me for coffee yesterday. Being single, and having nothing else to do yesterday, I readily agreed. It was a great coffee date (okay Vanilla Bean Frappacino, but you know what I mean). We just talked and laughed and kissed good-bye. We talked most of the night and the connection seemed to be pretty good. However, there were a few things he said (and the way he said them) that made me second guess everything.
I woke up at 4 am after a dream of us on opposite sides of a room not able to reach each other. I was unable to fall asleep again and by the time my alarm went off at 7:30 I knew I would not be seeing him again. I messaged him, then went to church and prayed about it. I feel so lame, I mean we only knew each other a day. Why would I be upset about losing a possible relationship that never had time to get started??
When I came home there was a message from him – he was upset and wanted to know why I felt the way I did. I tried to explain, but everything didn’t feel quite so bad as they had at 4 am. I stayed strong and even though he asked me to reconsider, I said no.
I have spent the past year trying to figure out what went wrong with my ex and understand my part of it. I have read and thought and blogged and really contemplated what I want from a relationship, hence why I had to end things with Richard. I don’t want to end up in the same situation – crazy about a guy I can’t see a future with.
I just worry that one day I may regret ending things before they even began. I mean, he is a good man, has a big family, has a daughter (whose picture is adorable) is financially stable and really liked me for me. What if I end up alone?? What if I let the devastation of losing my ex ruin every possibility? Am I being nit picky? I always seem to second guess myself when it comes to guys now.
He said we may be able to be friends, I hope that is possible.
What a way to spend Thanksgiving…