Oh right it was me who disappeared. Sorry – had surgery. Got an infection. Was in a lot of pain for a little over a week. Had three weeks off work. Didn’t do much of anything except eat the mounds of junk food my friends bought, made and brought me over the said three weeks!
But I am back! Yay me!
I have been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about what this blog was meant for and what it is going to end up turning into. When I started it, I needed to vent. GBF and I were in a bad place – a place I never in a million years expected us to be and I needed a place where I could write and express feelings and get out ideas because I lost my bff who I would normally tell everything to. I have ALWAYS been an open book so I never minded telling the world (or my handful of readers) all about my life. I am not a private person. I didn’t care at the time who read what, where or when.
However a lot has changed in a year and a half. I know of at least three people who don’t like me, hate me even who stalk the blog. Who read it and report on it with a vengeance. It doesn’t really bother me that these people read it – that they find my life so interesting that they had to find it (okay one person I gave the link to because we USED to be friends or so I though), but the problem is, my writing, my openness has changed. I no longer want to discuss details of my life because I know without a doubt I am being judged and criticized and while OF COURSE I am, after all I have an open blog – knowing people are judging and criticizing me outright is a lot different then strangers doing it behind my back.
So whats a blogger to do – ignore the naysayers?? Keep my diary-like blog going and to hell with any consequences?? Or do I change my blog?? Do I write only about books, movies, places, people, news that I have an opinion on? I don’t know. I guess only time will tell. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t wanna hurt me either!
I have a few blogs that I love reading, I do so on a fairly regular basis. They are diary-like blogs and I love them for their openness and honesty. I am not interested in much of the “other kinds of blogs”. You’d think that would be my answer then – stick to me, “do me” as a friend once told me. But if I do, there will be consequences – and I don’t know if I am quite ready for said consequences.
For now, I’ll take it day by day. See if anything interesting pops up…
I hope you all missed me, because those of you whom I love and those of you who have been nothing but supportive and read my blog – I have sure missed you!