Where have you been!!!???

Oh right it was me who disappeared.  Sorry – had surgery.  Got an infection.  Was in a lot of pain for a little over a week.  Had three weeks off work.  Didn’t do much of anything except eat the mounds of junk food my friends bought, made and brought me over the said three weeks!

But I am back!  Yay me! 

I have been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about what this blog was meant for and what it is going to end up turning into.  When I started it, I needed to vent.  GBF and I were in a bad place – a place I never in a million years expected us to be and I needed a place where I could write and express feelings and get out ideas because I lost my bff who I would normally tell everything to.  I have ALWAYS been an open book so I never minded telling the world (or my handful of readers) all about my life.  I am not a private person.  I didn’t care at the time who read what, where or when. 

However a lot has changed in a year and a half.   I know of at least three people who don’t like me, hate me even who stalk the blog.  Who read it and report on it with a vengeance.  It doesn’t really bother me that these people read it – that they find my life so interesting that they had to find it (okay one person I gave the link to because we USED to be friends or so I though), but the problem is, my writing, my openness has changed.  I no longer want to discuss details of my life because I know without a doubt I am being judged and criticized and while OF COURSE I am, after all I have an open blog – knowing people are judging and criticizing me outright is a lot different then strangers doing it behind my back.

So whats a blogger to do – ignore the naysayers??  Keep my diary-like blog going and to hell with any consequences??  Or do I change my blog??  Do I write only about books, movies, places, people, news that I have an opinion on?  I don’t know.  I guess only time will tell.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t wanna hurt me either! 

I have a few blogs that I love reading, I do so on a fairly regular basis.  They are diary-like blogs and I love them for their openness and honesty.  I am not interested in much of the “other kinds of blogs”.  You’d think that would be my answer then – stick to me, “do me” as a friend once told me.  But if I do, there will be consequences – and I don’t know if I am quite ready for said consequences. 

For now, I’ll take it day by day.  See if anything interesting pops up…

I hope you all missed me, because those of you whom I love and those of you who have been nothing but supportive and read my blog – I have sure missed you!

XOXO Nikilee

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2 thoughts on “Where have you been!!!???

  1. Keep writin about what is important to you and what is happening in your life. Love you, love your blog!

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