I know I am. I mean, clearly throughout this blog, and the past two years it is WELL documented how damaged I am, or at least have been. However the more people I meet (and granted I work for the Welfare office so everyone here is a bit damaged in one way or another) the more damage I come across.
The sad thing though is that when I take a real good look at people’s situations, we are helping and contributing to damaging each other.
I met a guy R a few weeks ago – a friend of a friend. We have been texting back and forth, me keeping him at arm’s length because my relationship with MiMo fell apart only a few weeks before that and I have no desire to bring another guy into my life when my heart still has confusion over my feelings for someone else. However, we are talking, and last night I asked him what happened between him and his ex. He told me the story of the demise of their 6 year relationship – which from his point of view seems very bad on her part (but as an ex many times over, I know there are two sides to every story) and my heart felt for him. He says he is okay, but in reality, I know from experience that four months is not enough time to forgive, heal and move on from a relationship that lasted that long.
He is, in many senses, still damaged. I related my story of GBF and MiMo to him and I think he felt for me too. I mean getting hurt in life is a give in unfortunately. It’s guaranteed that at some point in our lives, someone will hurt or disappoint us. However when some people do it so purposefully (like his ex and ex’s in my life) it makes you stop and wonder why? Why do people cheat, why do people abuse, why do people just do sucky things that destroy lives in its path?
I hope that R and I can be friends if nothing else, I hope that we can support each other and help the other one realize that not everyone enters your life with a mission to tear it apart. I hope I can help him realize – as I have, that some people do care, you just have to choose your friends and relationships carefully. I have learned this. I have also learned that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give ourselves!