Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead

Isn’t Adele clever?  No, okay moving on.

When I was in first year University at tree-huggers Trent deciding what major I would through my money away on choose, I was dating Filipino boy.  We had been dating just under a year when I made the trek to Peterborough from Scarborough (about 2 hours away) to study and learn and prepare myself for the future.  He was okay with me going away because we trusted each other, we were each others first love!  We were going to be together forever.  We cried like babies when he had to leave me at my new residence so I could begin a week of frosh. We knew we would make the distance work.

That lasted about two months.  By my third month in, I was so tired of not getting to see him and only hearing him complain about how much he missed me and was upset I couldn’t talk to him all the time (hello long distance charges) that I became severely overwhelmed and promptly broke up with him. 

My heart-broken, feeling like a complete failure, I complained to my new friends and my old friends.  Meaning my Trent friends and my Scarborough friends.  Funny enough, each group had their own thoughts and opinions.

My Peterborough friends who only knew me for a few months but had seen me everyday for a few months were glad that I had ended things.  They were relieved that I no longer had to talk to him every day instead of hanging out with them.  They wanted me to be social and put myself out there.  Only a couple of them were in long distance relationships and they were quickly dissolving as well. 

My Scarborough friends who had known me for years, but hadn’t seen me in the past few months were horrified!  How could I possible have broken up with Filipino boy!  He is sexy, sweet and totally in love with me!!!  They hadn’t seen the sad Nikilee, the one who cried herself to sleep because she was so overwhelmed with school and family and friends and trying to keep a long distance relationship afloat.

It was hard – we weren’t apart long, a few weeks maybe when I came home for a weekend – ran out of quarters for laundry – and he asked to see me.  As soon as I met up with him, my heart jumped and I knew I would give him whatever he asked.  He asked to be together again.  Immediately I took him back – with a promise to be more understanding on both our parts.  He came to visit me much more often after that and our phone conversations were shortned with longer emails which were free!

Why am I telling you this???

Because I have a friend who is now trying to decide if he should give things another go with his ex.  He tells me he still loves her.  He tells me he was depressed before and didn’t treat her very well towards the end of the relationship, but that things have changed and he has changed and he misses her.  Now I am NOT one to give advice right now – I can’t even get over my own ex, but I do know that if you love someone you should fight for them if you have reason to believe a fight will end up in a win.  He doesn’t.  He doesn’t think she will take him back.  So I said why not try anyway.  I mean the way I see it – if you fight for it and win – then everyone is happy.  If you fight for it and lose – at least you know you have given everything possible and have some closure and can begin to move on.

Relationships are complicated.  What works for one person may not work for another.  I wish my friend all the best in his pursuits and I hope he doesn’t get hurt.  All I know is I would take it as a compliment if an ex fought for me, tried to woo me back into his good books.  Good luck my friend! I’ll be thinking of you!

XOXO Nikilee

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