Does VERBAL communication exist anymore?

When I was in the 7th grade, I had the most amazing group of friends, both boys and girls and the whole group of us spent as much time together as possible.  This was way before the days of cell phones so when we were not together we depended on the use of our home phones to stay in touch and communicate. 

Back in those days (early 90’s) we had call waiting and three-way calling so that we were able to talk as a big group fairly often.  I can remember my mom and dad getting so mad at me for being on both lines all night that no one else could get through.  Often when I was just talking to one person and the phone would beep through with another caller and it was for someone else in my small, yet annoyingly popular family, I would become anxious wondering what gossip I was missing out on.  Please remember I was 13 and popular by association, not because I was cool or fancy. 

I would literally talk on the phone from the moment I came home from school until forced into slumber for the evening when I was allowed to.  It never ever occurred to me that talking on the phone would become so passe.  For the past ten years or so, I don’t think I have had one phone conversation that lasted more than an hour at most.  I spend almost no time talking on the phone with friends because we all have cell phones and texting is so much more convenient.  I can text twenty people at once while watching tv, doing laundry and playing a video game.  I would have no chance of doing all that if we were actually speaking to each other.  However, I miss those days of talking to a friend for hours on end, sad to hang up because the conversation was so stimulating.  I have had almost ZERO stimulating conversations through text messaging, with the LOL’s, OMG’s and FML’s going on, how could I? 

I was watching Glee last night and when the main character fainted on stage I actually said OMG.  Not “oh my God”, but O. M. G!  Who does that!??  Acronyms have become a part of our every day life and I almost feel like I am losing intelligence by all the text messaging I do in a day.  One day I am going to try very hard NOT to use text messaging to communicate with people – if I have something to say, I will call them and say hello. 

I hope I haven’t forgotten how to have a conversation over the phone.  What do I say when silence fills the air??  What happened when I was 13 and silence filled the air?  I don’t remember that ever happening!  Is verbal communication a lost art?  I hope not.  I hope my future children learn how to have conversations with their voices and not with their thumbs. I hope to God that they stay up late chatting with friends and I have to threaten gently coax them to hang up and continue the conversation another day. 

If verbal communication is an important part of our past, how do we ensure it stays with us for the future?  If you get a phone call from me, you will soon find out!

XOXO Nikilee

Weigh Watchers and self-esteem

When I joined Weight Watchers in 2010, my self-esteem had taken a beating.  I was feeling pretty damn low and needed to do something for myself to boost my energy and start to like myself again.  I knew WW worked because I had friends that had lost on the program and they still ate out and ate chocolate so it seemed like a good plan to me.

I joined with my sister-in-law, my girlfriend C and her sister.  Those last two immediately started dropping weight like Snoop Dogg dropped it like it’s hot and my sister-in-law and I lost slowly (very slowly).  Eventually I did lose 25 pounds though and I felt great.  I was internet dating, wearing smaller clothes and feeling comfortable withmy  body and what it looked like sans clothes.

But, like everything else, I left WW when I got to comfortable.  I quickly put back on that weight and I couldn’t even tell you today what my weight is.  I might still be down or I might have surpassed my pre-WW weight I don’t know. 

But Saturday I will.  Because I am throwing in the towel.  I am getting my ass back to WW and back to my meetings.  I miss feeling awesome about myself. I miss feeling completely comfortable looking at myself (let alone someone else looking at me) naked.  I will do what I can to focus and look and feel MY best again.

Wish me luck!!!

XOXO Nikilee

We fall in love so easy even when it’s not right

Sometimes, one is burnt so badly by love they put up walls that feel like a million inches thick, walls so thick fire nor wind, nor rain can destroy them.  Hurricane Sandy wouldn’t touch it.  This has happened to me.  I believed strongly that there would be no way any man would break through, that I wouldn’t allow anyone to do the impossible, that no man would find me worth it.

Almost a year ago – someone did.  Someone listened, and talked and opened up to me in ways that no one else had ever done before.  We spent so many of first days and nights together just talking about things we hadn’t told anyone.  It was easy.  Those walls fell down within a week, but it felt like I had known and loved him a whole lifetime.  I was comfortable, satisfied, thrilled and surprised that my life seemed to be moving on.

We both know and understand that we didn’t start off right, that there was complications.  There was issues that I am not going to discuss here but we never should have been together in the first place, but something stronger than either of us could have faced brought us together and we faced it head on.  For 6 short months, I was happier then I had been in so many years I had lost count.

However, all good things must come to an end, correct?  Isn’t that how the story goes?  It’s okay, I mean its been some time now and I have learned a few things.  Being caught up in love and paradise is great, but in the end it’s not real, there has to be something else…

There was an age difference, and age really isn’t anything but a number, it’s not something I was ever concerned about something I didn’t once worry over, but in reality – age equals experience, maturity, life skills and unfortunately me and my love were on very different tracks.  We are both amazing in our own ways and I miss talking, hugging and kissing him every day, but in the end we needed different things and we didn’t continue what we had started.  It ended almost faster than it began.

Sometimes I wonder what he’s doing, sometimes I know it’s better not to know.  I do know he has moved on with someone else, someone who maybe is better for him then I was, maybe someone who isn’t, but it’s been made official and only time will tell if it lasts.  I truly wish him every bit of happiness this world can offer him because he changed me.  He changed who I was on the inside, who I had become since building those walls and you can’t ever really thank someone enough for having that kind of effect on you.  You just accept fate as it was doled out and try your best to move on. If you ever find someone who can do that for you beware that they will be imprinted on your heart forever.

Can I move on, I mean should I even bother??  I want to.  I met someone who I like, but whether that could or ever would go somewhere is beyond my ability to see.  I feel like we may just be friends, but I have friends, friends who know and love and adore me beyond anything I deserve.  Sometimes I feel like moving on just takes too much work.  Those walls that were broken down by my ex have been repaired, they have been recast, maybe stronger than before, taller that is for sure.

I don’t want to fall in love to get hurt again, but falling in love with anyone is a risk, it’s a risk that they won’t love you back, that they will, but may have a change of heart.  That the way you look or the way you are or the way you live your life may not be what they need in their life, even if they fit so perfectly a mold you have made.

I have spent so much of the past two years taking care of everyone else around me while trying not to lose myself that sometimes I feel like I won’t be able to be in a relationship without being the caregiver, the nurturer.  A man doesn’t need that – he needs  a woman, a lover, a friend.  Or maybe a mixture of both.  Maybe that’s where I have gone wrong all along.  I don’t know.  I guess things happen for a reason.  My ex happened for an amazing reason – to show me the light out of a very dark tunnel that was dragging me down, drowning me in my own depression,  not leading anywhere positive, but with that relationship, I also lost someone I had fallen in love with so I am back to square one.

As one of my favourite singers says:

“Ever wonder how the heart can be deceiving, more than just a couple times, why do we fall in love so easy even when it’s not right” 

I don’t want my heart to deceive me again, I want it to be right.  I want to take a long time to fall in love and I want to know I did it in a way I can be proud of.  I haven’t done it right in a while and if I ever allow someone to see me, see the real me ever again all those things will have to fall into place.

XOXO Nikilee

Black Friday I survived, Chrysler almost didn’t

Thursday morning, my sister-in-law T, her cousin L and I left Scarborough for the 4.5 hour drive to Grove City, P.A.  There was no border problems, lots of laugh and even a short nap on the drive up which I never get to do since I am usually the driver.  However as T has a brand new (3 month old) Grand Caravan, she drove so we would have lots of space.

Enjoy your one day of non-violent holiday sale shopping.

We got to the hotel with no problems and immediately I took a nap again (I know I need lots of sleep for a night full of walking and shopping).  We drove to the Subway gas station – love it – and parked our car at the outlet so we had a prime parking spot.  Our walk back to the hotel was a cold one, but we made it laughing all the way.

Some of the outlet stores opened at 9:00 pm this year so we hopped on the shuttle at 9 knowing we would have ample time to get there and start our shopping. 

We had an amazing time!  We shopped in and out of what felt like a million stores, spent hundreds of dollars and got amazing bargains on Christmas gifts our friends and family will love! 

We hopped into bed around 3:30 am and slept till just past 11:00 am.  We admired our shopping parcels from the night before and headed over to the Eat and Park for breakfast!  For $8.00 we were stuffed and ready to shop again.  We picked up some more personal items and got back to the hotel around 5:00pm.  Dinner at the Eat and Park was just as delicious as breakfast and then we came back to the hotel, watched a movie and crashed into bed around 10:00.

Sorry you had a stressful day of shopping.

This is where it got interesting.  We woke up Saturday morning with the expectation of checking out of the hotel, driving to Robinson County P.A and spending the remainder of our money before making the long trek home to Toronto.  However L noticed first thing that our room had NO hot water – not a good sign for 3 ladies who desperately wanted to shower. 

We decided to carry on, checked out and packed the car full.  We got in the car, T turned the key to start it and NOTHING!  The car wouldn’t start.  T called Roadside assistance and they swore it was the battery – we knew differently since the radio, lights and electronic functions all worked – but the lady on the phone SWORE it was a battery issue.  They sent the biggest red neck with a tow truck to come help us and he confirmed it was NOT the battery.  However as he was not a mechanic he had no idea what was wrong. 

We got on the phone with roadside assistance again, to no avail, so we called Chrysler Canada directly and was on the phone with them for about 1-2 hours trying to get a tow with a flat-bed to a dealership that was OPEN!  They said no dealerships were open in the States for the holiday.

My sister paid a Tow Truck to tow us to Buffalo since that was close enough to a border to get a ride home from a friend and the guy who came to pick us up (also red neck) but cute as hell got us all to Buffalo, shaken, but not stirred.  When we arrived in Niagara Falls, NY Chrysler they WERE open and stuck the computer to the “brain” of the car, hit a button and BAM! the car started no problems.  The guys were sweet as pie and some of them were super cute so I guess seeing three stranded Canadian women brought out the gentlemen in them and they stuck around a bit later (since they were closing as we arrived) then usual.

We drove through the border with no problems, and got our way home.  Now besides two issues with traffic coming home, it was great to be on Canadian pavement and even better when I stepped foot in my door.  It had been a long day and the Americans were so helpful (unlike the assholes on the phone from Chrysler and Roadside assistance both Canadian).

I love Black Friday shopping and while this was not my favourite trip, it was a great time and I had fun with both T and L and can’t wait till next year!

XOXO Nikilee

Flight – a review from a non-critic

No one would ever tell you that I have amazing taste in movies…okay some of my best girlfriends would.  I mean Twilight, the Notebook and the first Sex and the City movie rank pretty high!

Last night, GBF asked if I wanted to see Flight since I am a Denzel fan and since it looked interesting, I said sure!

Flight starts off with nudity – full frontal woman nudity – to bad it wasn’t Denzel (though you do get an ass shot later in the movie which had me wondering if Denzel played his own ass or if there was an ass double??).   But what happens after that had me enthralled.  I was riveted.  I couldn’t turn my eyes off the screen.  This storyline was so well written, so well acted that I hated Denzel Washington for almost the whole two hours.  He made me sick and uncomfortable.

I am not going to spoil the movie.  I believe it is based on a true story (which doesn’t comfort my nerves when flying) about a man who IS an alcoholic and drug addict and who also happens to be a captain of an airplane.  He is drunk and stoned the morning he fly’s a plane that is broken and HE helps land the plane and save 96 of the 102 lives on board.  Unfortunately for him (or fortunately depending on your views of alcoholism) they took blood tests at the hospital which showed his blood levels.  A lot of drama goes on and then he has to answer for his crime. 

I don’t want to reveal too much because you have to live it with him to really understand the full depth of this movie.  Please see it, enjoy it and learn from it.

XOXO Nikilee

P.S I’ll be shopping starting tomorrow so I will talk to you again Tuesday!


A little bit of Christmas in my life

With two days left before Black Friday shopping, my tree up and decorated, some gifts bought and placed in the christmas bags they will be wrapped in, and the Pillsbury sugar cookies bought and placed in the freezer, I am ready for Christmas. 

My American money is exchanged, the orders have gone out to my sister-in-law and her cousin  who are shopping with me this year, and my bag is partially packed – lightly of course so I can fit gifts in it!!  I have lots of rules that I have implemented since starting this tradition – and it’s because I am a seasoned shopper now!

1. Pack a big suitcase lightly so you can store some gifts in it on the way home so as not to cram the trunk with random bags

It will never look this neat! EVER

2. Dress lightly but keep the extremities warm – I wear tights and a sweater with uggs and gloves so my toes and fingers are warm, but I don’t overheat so I am too uncomfortable

3. Use one empty suitcase on wheels to pack bags in as you shop so as not to be stuck lugging bags all over the place.  When I had GBF it was no problem as he would carry bags or run to the car to dump them, but now with all us ladies – we need the suitcase

<—much easier to carry

4. Park the car WAY before shopping begins so you get a spot and take the shuttle bus to the mall. This way you aren’t spending time driving around for an hour looking for a place or parking 10 miles away.

5. Don’t drink coffee – at least for me.  Coffee gives me an immediate jolt, but I crash quickly, I need to fight through the exhaustion and get my second wind!  I always do!  😉

I am excited.  I love Black Friday shopping.  This tradition started in 2006 when me and GBF were dating and our anniversary fell over the same weekend.  We would go to Buffalo – changing to Grove City two years later – and shop and celebrate for four whole days!  We would shop all Thursday night and Friday and then go to a nice restaurant and enjoy each other’s company for Saturday and Sunday.

Last year T and Crazy Cat Lady came with me since me and GBF were barely on speaking terms and we had a great time!  This year its T and her cousin, and I am sad CCL isn’t coming!  I’ll miss her but I’ll make the best out of it! 

All my Christmas shopping WILL be done by Saturday which gives me ALL of December to wrap the gifts and deliver them to the right homes.

Cannot wait!  As much as I love shopping, I also love shopping for others – getting the perfect gift!  And it’s the only time of year my anxiety doesn’t go into overdrive with crowds and heat from the stores…


XOXO Nikilee