Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my grandmothers passing.  Not one day goes by that I don’t think of her for some reason or another.  Whether I walk by someone who looks like her or I see a grandmother at the mall with her grand-daughter, or I just think of how so much has changed since her passing.  She was my hero and I miss her – fiercely. 

Her passing has brought some goodness, which I am grateful for because I never thought it would.  I had called and told GBF that she passed and we started talking that very day and have continued to talk almost every day since.  We are friends, I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same, and I doubt we will ever try a relationship again, but having my friend back releases a sort of anxiety only he could.  My grandmother adored him, she didn’t know we had broken up, I couldn’t bare tell her it would have broken her heart. She died believing I had a man to take care of me – she didn’t know, I can take pretty good care of myself – and everyone else.  But she didn’t need to know that.  I am at peace knowing she believed I was in a happy relationship.

Since me and GBF became friends I was able to truly fall in love with someone else.  I don’t know if that would have happened otherwise – I always felt it wasn’t fair to someone that I couldn’t tell my Nana about someone else and I always held back a bit – but with MiMo I was willing to go all out. 

Now that my Nana’s suffering has ended, I know she is happy – I believe she is chilling out in Heaven with my grandpa looking down and shaking their heads at my family’s foolishness and THAT makes me smile.  I got a tattoo to commemorate her.  Our last name initial, her birthdate and a heart with her birthstone.  She would have hated it I am sure, but I love it and it makes me smile every time I look down.

Love you Nana always

XOXO Nikilee


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