The Dating Game

Somehow when I was younger and I pictured the 32-year-old me, I never once saw me staring at a cell phone wondering why it wasn’t ringing or beeping with a text message (okay not to date myself but really text messages weren’t that popular when I was 19, but I did have a pager).

However,  having seen PF twice now – once on Valentines Day – I haven’t heard from him since. He responds casually to my texts but we just had a long weekend and I not only didn’t see him at all, but I never even heard from him. Clearly that chemistry, or what we want from each other, differs.

I find this dating game so strange. When did men start to believe it was okay to talk to someone everyday for a few weeks, flirt and tease and joke, see someone and then drop off the face of the planet??  Men, listen up – it is not okay to do that. It is NEVER okay to do that. Now if I had slept with PF I would be freaking out right now, worried that I had made a mistake, but I didn’t, so I am just accepting our fate for what it is.

My friend NYU girl has many of the same issues, a man who clearly likes her, takes her out (but granted we are guessing he is a bit of an alcoholic) messages her and acts happy to see her, just stopped trying and being the sweet guy he was. It makes no sense. She is gorgeous and has so many things going for her and it bewilders me that men would treat her like she is replaceable! NYU girl and I talk on end about the insanity going on in the world of dating I swear it’s no wonder we even bother! I have read “He’s Just not that Into You” and “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and numerous other dating and relationship guides and a lot of the time it blames the woman (shockingly these books are written by men) for hanging on and not seeing the signs, but don’t we have to give people a chance? Don’t we have to make some kind of effort??

Not any more. I can’t. I’m bored. I want to be chased. I want a man to run after me and not stop running till he catches me. If that never happens, then it never happens, I hope one day I can be okay with that and accept it.

I don’t think I want to do this anymore, I have other plans, plans few know about it, plans I thought might change with this whole dating thing, but if anything they are solidifying those plans. These will be discussed in the spring/summer so please stay tuned.

Things with R were never going to work out because he is not serious enough about us to consider a relationship + he was matched with my friend C and that would have been SO awkward had they started dating. LOL…*shuddering*. He is just not that into me, and I adore him as a friend so I am cool with keeping things that way. I want him to be happy and because we are friends I will get to see that through one day!

No one else is really on my radar. Maybe if I stop looking online Mr Right will show up – maybe not – but I am pretty sure I am okay now with Mr Right Now unless/until Mr Right comes along.

XOXO Nikilee

Zumba – focus!

I have been doing Zumba somewhat irregularly for a while now and I love it. I love my instructor Diana who is full of life, sassy and in amazing shape. Plus she really loves Zumba which is great! Her passion is magnetic. Class is always fun now that I have my sister-in-law, mom, aunt and two great friends joining me every week.

SO whats the problem now you ask?? I have not been focused. I have been angry and annoyed at work and I am letting it affect me. When I was in class the other day, I couldn’t focus long enough to move to songs I knew inside out. I had no energy and I found myself exhausted before I even began. No music or friend or move could get me out of my funk. It sucked.

I just wanted to go home and crash. Unfortunately PF took that moment to call me and I was in bed not having any of it. We did talk (actually talk on the phone) last night though and it was great!  I can’t wait to talk to him again!

I know I need to really focus while I’m in Zumba, I mean I’d like to get “good” at it – or at least be having more fun.

I asked Diana to bring me a DVD so I can practice at home – I’m not a fan of the Zumba DVD I bought which really just teaches you the moves and not the actually dancing to songs so I am going to take Diana’s and make an effort to practice twice a week – which with her class would give me three days a week!

I’d say considering I have no cartilage in my knees that I am doing pretty good. I’m really proud of my mom and my aunt for sticking with it too – because it is way advanced for seniors. LOVE THEM!

XOXO Nikilee

Can ex’s be friends?

This question is always  thrown at me since GBF and I decided to put our friendship above all else and reunite – as friends only.  Of course we have a HUGE history.  A long, emotionally draining history that makes me exhausted just thinking of it, but our History started with us being friends – best friends.

However my answer is always the same – if you want to make it work you can.  We have a history that includes a friendship so we have a basis, somewhere to start from.  We have love and respect for each other so we have a guideline to follow.  We both know we want very different things and as much as we have love for each other, it’s not romantic.  It’s friendship. 

While dating my most recent ex, GBF and I didn’t really spend time together, but we did talk.  It didn’t make my ex comfortable and that was my fault.  I should have chosen my relationship over my friendship with him, but at the time I really didn’t see the conflict.  Now clearly I do and with my next bf I will do things very differently.  I also know that if GBF were to get into a relationship with any woman – but especially back with his recent ex, we wouldn’t be able to continue our friendship in the same manner.  It is threatening to people – our closeness, his concern over me and my family, my need to discuss things  and receive that comfort from him.  It might not be right – but it is what it is.  WE both know our feelings are platonic towards each other and that we both want to leave the past in the past.

But since we won’t be able to be good friends when we start dating other people in order not to hurt them, are we really friends now – or just holding out till something better comes along?  I really hope that is not the case!

I miss my relationship with my ex, more than I should and more than pleases my closest girlfriends, I don’t miss my relationship with GBF.  I don’t want to be friends with my ex – there are still feelings there and I don’t think people can be so close when romantic feelings are still involved on one or both people’s side. 

What am I blithering on about – I don’t know.  I guess I am just scared I am going to lose my friend all over again and all this talk about me dating brings those feelings to light.   I won’t lie to any of them.  With my ex, he knew GBF and all about our relationship, but new guys won’t – but I will be honest with them and explain who he is and what he means to me and hope they can accept it – if not, then what — I lose my friendship?  I don’t know, and I don’t like not knowing.

XOXO Nikilee

What happens when there are a few guys??

So I have been talking to a couple of guys lately. HMMMM…two friends of friends and two guys online (I am 99.9% sure they are real this time)

R is a guy I have been out with a couple of times and even though things haven’t really progressed anywhere I still think he is really cute and has that bad boy look that I am sure my father would hate instantly, which is kind of appealing (to him and other members of my family no one will ever compare to GBF, but they need to get over it)! 

A is a new guy I was introduced to by another friend and I will be seeing him this Friday.  We are going to hang out with some of his friends at one of their houses and go for a steam – ya this house has a freaking steam room!  WARMTH!  He is not looking for anything serious and we are really hanging out as friends, but I guess time will tell if anything moves beyond that.  I am really looking forward to  the steam room – having some new guy see me in a bathing suit – not so much!

Then there are the two guys online who really I just talk to.  Nothing romantic or anything – not even flirty so I have no idea where there interest level lies and I don’t know where mine lies either.  I do know that the one guy PF is cute and we seem to have a lot in common and I have seen about 10 pics of him on his profile and he messages me at all times of day, so I doubt he is an African in a hut waiting to take all my money!  HA!

So I don’t know what my feelings are for any of these gentlemen and I have no idea what there feelings are for me, so I guess we will see and I will keep you updated – for now, it’s nice to have people to talk to and possible options.  I am being a lot pickier this time around!

XOXO Nikilee

emails and falling

Last night I hit my Hotmail icon on my iPhone 4s and I got the familiar buzz of vibration saying I had an email.  I checked and it was an email from a guy – from Match.  Sigh – my profile is supposed to be off Match, but of course when you join a paid dating site you have a 3 or 6 or 12 month contract.  My three months isn’t up yet so even though I have deactivated my account I still am “active” until the end of February.

I checked the email and the profile from the guy who emailed me and he seemed real – lots of pics (Alex only had one) and lots of things on his profile relating to Scarborough (e.g he loves the bluffs and playing baseball at Thompson park) so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and emailed back saying hi and telling him about Cuba (he had asked if I planned to travel this winter).

I am not even getting excited about the prospect of talking to someone new because for all I know he is some guy in an African hut with a list of ladiesto scam, but time will tell…I am also trying extremely hard not to be cynical.

This morning there was a tonne of snow on my car and as I started to brush it off (I really miss my underground parking garage) I slipped on a patch of ice and slid under my car.  My knee banged off my car and a sharp shiver went straight up my back.  I was not not happy.  I was now wet, sore and running late for work, 3 things that don’t impress me much!

I am so happy it is Friday – tomorrow I babysit Ms. J for a sleepover and we are going to have a blast!  Princess movies, chocolate chip pancakes and cookies!  WOOT WOOT!  SO MUCH FUN.

XOXO Nikilee