When I was in the eighth grade, I would visit a guidance counselor at school because I was chubby and even though I had lots of friends, I was sad about my weight, feeling inferior to my skinny peers.
While in high school, I saw Ms. D on a regular basis, also my guidance counselor, to talk about school, home, friends, relationships and what the heck I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
After graduating from high school, I felt strong and confidant, ready to take on University, and while there was some hard times, I didn’t seek therapy the whole four years I was there – I didn’t feel I needed it.
Some people don’t believe in therapy – they think it’s for people who are really messed up, or that the Doctor just prescribes medication and BOOM you are all healed. They don’t know. They can’t understand because they are closed-minded to the importance of an unbiased ear.
I believe in therapy, for me, I should say. When GBF and I broke up and my “future” came to a crashing halt, I knew I would require the help of a therapist to be okay. I felt weak; I am okay with saying that. I went on a light dose of medication to calm my scorching panic attacks. Suicide was not something I could ever see me resulting to, however without someone to talk to, you never know; it could have gone either way. I went through weekly therapy sessions for months, hashing out what happened, what went wrong and how to start healing my own heart, not depending on others to heal it for me.
Since my father’s passing one month ago (wow, I cannot believe he has been gone a month) I knew that therapy would probably be required again, but I have been lazy about it. There has been so much work to do lately that I have ignored that nagging feeling at the side of my brain that I am not okay. There has been so much loss in the past three years of my life that I know; once again, I need someone to talk to. Someone who is not family or a close personal friend, but someone who is trained and professional and will give me strategies and tools to accept my fate and move forward with my life.
I will be calling today to book an appointment. I don’t want to wait too long. No one should wait too long. Why suffer, when you don’t have to? At times, I feel like I need the suffering, I need the pain to remind me that this is all real, that he is gone, but I know in my heart he never would want me to feel this way (though I also know he knew this is exactly how I would feel and that’s why he held out so long). My Public Service Announcement for today is this: if you or someone you know is suffering or hurting, get them to talk to someone, a professional who can take care of you or your loved one. Please.