The three types of men – from my limited, female perspective

I have heard it said that women are complicated, men – simple.  This may or may not be true.  I personally find men to be incredibly complicated to figure out at times because they are SO secretive, but I have determined that men fall into one of three categories: the financial/work man, the loving sports/women man and the gaming/computer man.  Now I believe all men, like all people, are plaid.  They enter in and out of all three categories depending on who they are with, whom they are talking to and what kind of day they have had.  However I generally feel – looking at the men in my life that they fall into one category that really defines them. 

The financial/work type:     I think everyone know this man.  He talks about how much money he has, how hard he works, he is constantly replying to emails on his smart phone and he is – in a sense – over worked.  Sushi boyfriend kinda falls into this category – only in the sense that he works – all the time.  He works all day and then he works evenings doing another job.  He talks about his projects he’s working on and he is constantly looking for new projects to hang on to.  I have to tell him over and over again – slow down, relax, enjoy your life.  But what I didn’t know was – the financial/worker type are enjoying their lives – they enjoy work *ewwww*.  I know quite a few men who fall into this category – because I just work to make money and while yes I do enjoy my job, I don’t want to work more than I already do – I doubt I could stand being with this type of man for long.  I have dated a man like this in the past and all we fought about – his working so many hours, not relaxing, not spending time together.  Nope – while this man has many amazing qualities to be admired, he can only be truly successful if he has a great work/life balance.  Sushi boyfriend has found a woman whom enjoys his extra curricular activities and she is AMAZING so it all works out!  He has created his own blance that works for him!

The loving sports/women man:  This man loves sports – like really loves sports – to play to watch and especially to talk about!  He is probably playing some kind of sport all year-long and he also probably watches a sport every night and on Friday night pub crawls with the guys (cause this guy also loves going to the bar with his boys) they watch a sport and then analyze it for the rest of the night.  They know stats, players, positions and numbers.  I kinda love this type.  He’s a mans man.  Athletes are hot in my opinion.  However, this type of man is also surrounded by beautiful women.  The waitresses at the bar, the women who love to watch games and when these types of men get together – they all of a sudden turn into a different person.  They talk about women like objects, they bash and ogle different types of women and bitch about the current woman/women in their lives.  Now, I don’t want to be burned on my blog, but really – this happens.  As a “guys girl” I have been to the pub where this happens and guys are not afraid of talking trash in front of a woman they don’t think of in a sexual nature.  I was just the friend for these men, so the bashing went on no matter how much mouth dropping I did and no matter how much swatting I threw at them.  This is when my love for an athlete turns sour.  Unfortunately, they tend to come hand in hand.  I have LOTS of guy friends that fall into this category.  And almost every man I know slips into this category on a regular basis *even when it’s not their main choice*. 

The gaming/computer man: AKA the nerd:  This man I have met before with old roommates, however because they were roommates and not men I wanted to date, I never analysed them before.  These men play games, video games, computer games, card games all the time.  They love computers and systems and probably own most if not all of the systems to have come out in the past 10-15 years.  They have an amazing computer with an upgraded hard drive and processor and can talk World of Warcraft and Super Mario Brothers all in one breath.  They like comics and comedy shows like Big Bang Theory and are very laid back and easy-going.  When a group of them converge together they talk games.  They throw out names and numbers that no other person who is not a gamer would EVER understand and they don’t understand why people – especially other men – wouldn’t want to be just like them.  Now my old roommates were this type of men.  They probably still are.  I haven’t met one since. 

 Until I met Newbie.  Newbie is a gamer.  At first I was worried – I mean I am NOT a gamer at all.  I own a Gamecube for my nieces and nephew to play when they visit – hence a bribe – but overall I could care less about games and the differences between Play Station and X-Box.  However, it has become quite amazing to see this handsome, intelligent man talk with his friends about all the HoN characters and strategies and when I thought about it – I realized, he is talking with men about games, he is not flirting with women at the bar, he is not drunk somewhere acting like a fool and because he still dips into the sports category often I think I have the best of both worlds!  Now I doubt I will EVER want to play X-Box or Play Station on my own, but maybe I will let him teach me a thing or two… 😉  I mean the couple that plays together stays together right?!

I know men and women alike are going to bash this blog – I am stereotyping and I hate stereotyping, but hence the title of this blog ” from my limited, female perspective”.  It’s okay if I am wrong, I am sure I am, but this is my blog and my perspective!  🙂  If I wrote from your perspective then it wouldn’t really by my blog would it?! 

XOXO Nikilee

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I think I need a mental vacation

I know I cannot afford an actual one (and neither can anyone else who I’d wanna take with me), but a mental vacation is  high on the top of my list of needs right now.  Just a couple of days where I can lie in bed, sleep, read, answer to no one – of course I’d want newbie there, but if he was getting bored or loud, well he’d have to go play outside because this is my mental vacation and on this vacation there is no loudness, no room for boredom!  Now all I need is my bsmt apartment and a new bed (since my is broken, thank you K and GBF for not putting it together properly!) and my mental vacation can begin!

Biker dude passed away Friday March 30th at 4:10 pm.  I spent the next week back and forth between home in Toronto and my mom’s home in Bobcaygeon, ON.  An almost two-hour drive.  Taking care of two parents who both need you and who live far apart is BRUTAL.  I needed to support my mother, she has lost her true love, a love that did everything for her.  While I may not have gotten along with Biker dude, she loved him and relied on him for everything.  Thankfully she has an amazing sister who also split her time between Toronto and Bobcaygeon to offer support and a shoulder to cry on.  In time I know my mom will be okay, and I will be grateful if/when she moves back to the city so I can be there for her and my father in a much more comforting environment. 

Without airing too much family laundry I have been fighting with my brother a lot lately – and T has gotten involved at times as well.  I know, I know, I ALWAYS fight with my brother – we are two peas from the same pod, but you would never know it!  We are the exact opposite in every way possible.  But we have both crossed lines now and who knows if or when those lines will be erased.  Fighting with T is exhausting though because she is also my bff.  You can’t fight with your bff without wanting to punch a wall just so you cause yourself some physical pain to take away the emotional pain.  Things between us are okay now, not the same, but we love each other and they will be fine, but I’ll be grateful when it’s all over with.  All this fighting isn’t good for any of us – at least some of us have healthy ways of dealing with it – you know communication…

My grandmother’s house is in the process of being cleaned out and fixed up to sell!  Hence the reason for the fighting between me and my brother.  It’s a huge task as my grandmother was something of a hoarder.  No matter how many hoarding shows I watch, or how many Pawn Star shows I see regularly, I have no idea whats’ worth any money or value and whats not.  I literally picked up her entire jewelry box and brought it home hoping I can find someone who can appraise it. I mean my grandma owned a lot of junk jewels – I can tell some of it is dollar store quality because I probably bought it for her when I was young.  However some of it looks nice, or old, or expensive…so who knows?!  We will see.  I miss my grandma, but holding onto that house is not allowing me to let go…and I need to.  I feel like to much of a disappointment to her in so many ways and I need to accept what is, what was and go on with my life being the best me I can be.  I went to visit her grave last weekend over Easter.  I dropped off newbie at home and went across the street to the cemetery to say hello.  I was at first grateful I found it because I have never gone alone.  Secondly I was grateful I went because I let out a few tears, said hello, apologized for the two years of lies about me and GBF being together and told her about Newbie.  I believe she is watching over me, protecting me, loving me still.  I want her to know who newbie is and how important he is to me, I am sure she would like him, approve of him because of how happy I have been since dating him (once she got over me not being with GBF, who in her eyes could do no wrong).   

Work has been busy – I mean it usually is, but with PAYE and the workshops and the critiques and the community outreach, I am tired.  It doesn’t help I was off for 11 days for my mom and the pile of email notifications built up to well over 100.  I need to re-organize myself.  Get my thoughts straight, figure out who is on first and who the heck is on second!!  Don’t understand?  That’s okay, I do.  I will figure it out probably just in time for my two weeks of being ill and off for the surgery!

I finally have had some resolution for my uhhh…”lower back problems”…I am having surgery again.  It will be on May 9th.  Newbie has taken a couple of days off to be with me during surgery and to stay with me afterwards.  Honestly, if it wasn’t for newbie, I have no idea where I would be right now – going mental probably.  he has held my hand through everything.  He is my light, my happiness and the fact that he has been so supportive during all this craziness just shows his character – he is a man with so much love to give and I am grateful he has chosen to give it to me! 

XOXO Nikilee

 

Love and loss

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately.  With all the guy drama in my life I decided to spend tonight going through the ex files…seeing where I went wrong and hopefully seeing where I may have gone right???

None of my boyfriends were really all the interesting or life changing until I met C.  I met C in ninth grade.  He was skinny and awkward (weren’t we all) and he hung out with a couple of girls I was getting to know pretty well.  C lived in an apartment with his mom and we got along instantly.  His mom was amazing and I loved her instantly.  We spent every day together and most weekends together as well.  He was my first “love” and my first…first first.  We were together on and off for 2 years and I was young, naive and there are a lot of things that happened then that I never would have allowed to happen now, but isn’t that what young love is all about – figuring out who you are and who you wanna be in a relationship?  We still talk to this day off and on through facebook – and even though have moved on in completely different directions, we still respect each other and what we have gone through.

My next relationship wasn’t really a relationship at all.  He was older, I was heart-broken from the C break up and I knew him from middle school.  He doesn’t even get a cute nickname because he was a douche bag.  It was a disaster and he pretty much cheated on me the entire time – though in his mind we weren’t dating because he was dating everyone.  I learned from that relationship – big time.  When I finally had my wake up call I was 17, depressed and broken in so many ways.  I spent nearly the next two years single, just enjoying life, hanging with friends dating randomly and concentrating on what was important to me.

Until I met Filipino boy.  He was a drummer in Chaotic Neutral *a band of guys from my highschool* even though he had graduated the year earlier.  He was so good-looking and so kind and sweet I didn’t fully believe he was real.  We dated almost my entire O.A.C year, he was my prom date and attended my graduation, cheering me on as well as all of school years at Trent.  He was the healthiest relationship I had ever had with any man and I fell in love with not only him, but his family.  They were mine and I was theres.  I still to this day call his parents mom and dad.  His sister is one of my best friends and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding and am a “tita” to her son J.  Now if this relationship was so amazing why didn’t it work do you ask?  Cause I was 19 when started dating and by the time I had turned 23 we were two different people.  I still respect him so much and still love his family, but while we both did great things together, he was in my life for a reason and that reason was to show me that I was worthy.  Worthy of love worthy of happiness and I had faith I would find it!  We are still friendly today – even though I am closer to his family.

After a disappointing 6 month set back with someone who looked like a logger and treated me like I was dirt, I realized that the one person who had been there since the beginning – who had seen me through all my ups and downs – was the one man whom I was in love with more than I ever thought possible.

DBF and I started off awkwardly in the sense that we were friends for so long and all of our friends (well his friends) were apprehensive about us being together.  But it was a dream come true.  We had a few really amazing years.  We travelled, we shared our lives together – the good and the bad – we supported each other and we made it work.  However, a lot changed quickly and even though we had moved in together, we were growing apart.  I’m not going to go into all the bad because I have moved on from that and so has he.  We are friends now – as you have read here – and I am grateful.  That relationship taught me a lot…good and bad…and I don’t regret it because it was an amazing five years and some of the new friendships I have made from that relationship have drastically impacted my life in the best way possible and I am so grateful for that!

What new relationship will be next…there is one that I think could be pretty amazing if the timing and circumstances all fit together, but time will tell.  Time will always tell when it comes to relationships and one thing I have learned – is that patience is a virtue that cannot be ignored.  I am NOT patient, I am jealous, loud, annoying and needy…always have been and probably always will be, but for a very select few people I can be the mature, beautiful woman I also know I am so I hope to be able to brag and chat more soon, but for now…I am feeling great and looking back on my past relationships as positives…

Hope you all have had wonderful people in your life who have changed it for the better and helped you grow…have a great night all!

XOXO Nikilee

Pain in the (my) neck

Yesterday equalled me getting back to my real life, the trip is over, no more days off, back to REALITY.  I woke up to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” which made me smile and laugh because it was one of the numerous songs in my head while I was in the DR.  Then I realized it was 6:00 am and I smashed the snooze button, the last thing I want at 6 am is DR memories on a day when I need to go work. 

After throwing the covers off at 6:30 I dressed up (had to go to Metro Hall for  a meeting, might as well look super cute) and ran out the door trying to get my GPS to grab a signal to show me how the hell to drive to metro hall.  You would think that having been there for meetings a couple of times a year I would know how to get there – and vaguely I do, however when I got to John St, my parking lot was gone and a construction crane was in its place.  DAMN IT.  Had to figure out a new place to park…after circling random streets I finally found a place and was still 45 minutes early. 

After the very, very “interesting” (gag, cough) meeting I had to get back to my actual job where everyone was waiting to hear all the details from my trip.  While leaving some good stuff out, I pleased everyone enough to open my emails and start seeing what I missed all week while I was sunning and swimming.  Nothing, I missed nothing.  I am not on strike, the renovations at work haven’t started, nothing good, cool or exciting happened while I was away.  To bad for them…lol

Last night I had one of my new therapy sessions.  It’s CBT therapy.  I figured I might as well go get a talking to.  I told the Dr. everything that’s been going on for the past couple of weeks and other than quitting smoking (and starting again and quitting again) he didn’t seem overjoyed (join the club Doc.).  But he did make me feel pretty good about some of my not so great choices so that was nice of him (can I get an AMEN)  LOL…

By the time I got home, my throat was so sore and raw from the strep (and talking all damn day) that I really couldn’t imagine talking anymore.  Thankfully Tuesday nights are Biggest Loser nights with daddy so I didn’t have to talk much.  Until my phone rang.  My best buddy at work has been a successful applicant for a new job and he is leaving Social Services 😦

All good things must come to an end…haven’t I said this before???  It really sucks.  I now am seriously considering my work options, job location options and future choices and how they will affect me and my life.  The only thing I have any control over right now is my work.  I am a single girl who lives at home, work is kinda all I got right now where I get to make all the decisions.  Of course once I heard what my buddy had to say, I only had one person I could call who would know how I feel.  I called the ex.  Instead of calling him the ex, because it’s really not how I feel about him now, I am going to call him GBF (I know some of you reading will get it and those of you who don’t – don’t worry it’s an inside joke). 

GBF and I have really worked at being friends again.  No relationship, no intense moments, just a genuine friendship.  We have both made huge mistakes in the past but we have found forgiveness in each other and the one thing me and GBF always had was a solid, understanding, loving friendship.  So I knew calling him last night would be the one thing that would make me feel better.  And he did.  He allowed me to see different options at work, different view points of different situations, and while I would have loved to have gotten his advice on other stuff…we aren’t quite there yet.  But he did calm me down enough to fall asleep, which I needed – desperately. 

How can a person like me who craves 9+ hours of sleep get NO sleep in the DR and function perfectly fine, but come back to TO and get 8 hours sleep and wanna die the next day…maybe my therapist can answer that…stay tuned. 

We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not…

XOXO Nikilee

beKause of the drama, i’m talKing about the Kardashians

Yep, two days before I leave for a week-long vacation to the Dominican and I am bogged down with personal and professional drama.  The personal drama is whatever to me because it’s idiotic, but the professional drama, is REALLY starting to get to me.  So what am I going to do…I’m gonna talk about the Kardashians.

A year ago you NEVER would have had me write a single word about these women.  I never cared about them and had no idea who they were.  Lately (because I get E) I have watched the whole Kim and Kris wedding drama and lately have gotten into the older Kourtney and Khloe take Miami *I’m in Miami bitch*.  I have a few opinions about these women and because I am opinionated and bored by my own drama, I am going to talk about these women.

Kourtney, the oldest of the sisters. She is a beautiful, successful woman with a man by her side, a son she adores and a bun in the oven.  Now, I am not sure how much actual work she does (I don’t count appearances or photo shoots cause really…I just don’t), but she truly loves her family and her friends and this is clearly witnessed on all of her shows.  My one grip with her – she sleeps in the same bed as her son and not her boyfriend (common-law husband Scott).  This is weird to me.  I have other friends who sleep in bed with their children, quite a few actually and it’s just weird.  Once in a while okay, but I believe women really need to nurture their relationship with their significant other and how can they do that with a toddler or young child in between them or if he is not even in the same bed!!!!  Scott doesn’t like this arrangement but it seems like what ever the Kardashian sisters want, the Kardashian sisters get. Since she is pregnant again, clearly they do spend SOME time together, but I hope for her sake she can ensure her relationship with Scott is secure and protected.

Now Kim…everyone wants to put a hate on for her…did Kris not propose to her, did Kris not say I DO?  Kim and Kris have fought since the beginning of this proposal from what I saw and if Kris thought Kim treated him poorly then Kris should have man’d up and kicked her ass to the curb.  But no, he liked the idea of being in the Kardashian clan just as much as she liked the idea of being married and having everyone fawn all over her.  I don’t dislike Kim, she isn’t my favourite sister and I do not by any means enjoy watching her marriage fall apart on national tv, but being a reality star was her decision so she’s getting what she gets paid for – publicity, negative publicity unfortunately.  She’s a beautiful woman with a good sense for business and I hope she rebounds out of this drama soon. 

Now on to my favourite sister.  Khloe, not only do I love her name (because one day I will name my daughter Chloe) but I think she is the most real sister of the three.  She is beautiful, devoted to her family and husband and hilarious.  She is crude and honest and I love that about her.  She would be the one I would be friends with.  Reminds me of my girl E (the Doberman owner).  Khloe loves Lamar so much she followed him to Dallas when he got traded.  What did Kim say about Milwaukee where Kris was playing “that she wouldn’t move there”.  I hope Khloe has a great life, she yearns for a child so much and I think she would be ecstatic to have one…good luck Khloe! 

 

XOXO Nikilee

My top 5 dating rules

As a single girl in a coupled world I have become very confused and turned off by all the rules of dating.  I am not dating anyone and if all this confusion keeps up, I don’t know if I ever will!  Everyone has a tonne of advice (especially married men and women) and most of the advice is contradictory to other advice given (make the man pay, go dutch, whoever asks pays) AHHHHH!  I have decided to come up with own rules for dating and these are mainly because I believe in them firmly and if a man is not cool with these rules, then he is not the right man for me!

1. The man will take me out to  a meal for our first date OR plan a fun activity.  A coffee date will not do.  If you do not think I am worth a meal or an activity that takes longer then 20 minutes, then you are not worth my time and we should get to know each other over phone, email, text before we decide to hang out.  This is not because I am a gold digger or want a free meal, I can afford my own food I just truly believe that I am worth it, I am a nice person, a fun girl and have a lot to offer so really…I am worth a dinner!  I had a guy take me to coffee on a first date three times last year, after I finished my coffee (and I drink fast) I figured it was time to go because that was the only plan.  Coffee just doesn’t work as a real first date.  No time to get to know someone.

2. No games, if you say you are going to call/text/email do it.  Don’t make me chase you because I wont.  If you are going to be late please call and tell me this, because there is nothing worse in my eyes then lateness!  I dated a guy who was late for my fathers birthday dinner!!!  You all know how much I love my father – guess how happy I was that night?!  And if you have to cancel a date, then a phone call – not a text – is needed.  If it has to be a text then a follow-up phone call is appreciated.

3. I will not be giving up the cookie easily – you are going to have to earn it.  My goal is not to sleep with as many men as possible, but to find the right man, “the man”.  One of those famous coffee dates I had, the guy kissed me (which I was cool with) and tried to feel me up (which I was SO NOT COOL WITH).  Really you buy me a coffee, have a 20 minute conversation with me and you think you can touch me where ever you feel…LOL…no.   I will not fall for any come on lines or sweetness…if you want the cookie, then be my friend, date me, care for me, take care of me, show me you are honest and loyal and then…

4. Introduce me to your family and your friends after we have decided we are in a relationship. A guy I dated in the fall wanted me to meet his mom a week after our first date.  no.  I am a family oriented person and my girlfriends mean the world to me, but they are not going to meet you until we have decided this is going to be something.  I would hope your family and friends are just as important to you!

5.  I am not the easiest person to deal with all the time. I have a lot of responsibility and I can get grouchy and whiny just like any other person does.  But I am also kind, caring, hard-working, loyal, honest and the best friend/partner you could find.  I know this about myself and if  a real man arrives who also meets the above adjectives then maybe magic could happen!  LOL…okay I get it – that sounds totally corny!  I am corny though so it’s all good!

XOXO Nikilee

Boo mofo hoo

That is how I feel today. 

In April 2009 I had surgery for a Pilonidal Sinus removal.  That was the beginning of the end for me.  Please don’t ask me what that is…if you want to know (trust me you don’t) then google it. 

I say it was the beginning of the end because I never healed properly – even though I had home care for 4 months – some great home care workers, some not so great home care workers.  I ended up having the SAME surgery in March 2010.  I had home care for 5 months before the idiots at VOM said my time is up – funny since I hadn’t healed…bitches.  Sorry I don’t like to swear on my blog, but really VOM is full of idiotic bitches!!!

Well guess what – my wound, still has not healed!  ALMOST THREE YEARS LATER!  Where is my angry face emoticon – I have no idea!!!  Grrrr I will growl instead. 

I saw my surgeon yesterday – who in reality is fantastic and nice and sympathetic and is confused by my unhealable body – no I am not diabetic – and he did something that I think was to clean out any infection and this is how the exchange went down:

me: what are you doing        him: I am cleaning the area         me: will it hurt      him: no, well it shouldn’t, well it might just burn a bit (as he slathers on the medication)  me: gritting teeth and tears forming    him: does it hurt?                  me: uh huh (in a high-pitched voice) him: okay

Okay??  Are you fucking kidding me!!  OW!  I am human, you are burning my skin…yes it hurts, yes I want to jump off this table and ram that thing up your butt! 

Maybe not, I’m a hypochondriac – he is nice and I know most people have a pain threshold that I do not have.  But ever since this exchange, I have not been comfortable sitting down without wincing!  It hurts.  I am so emotional and feeling depressed because this has been such a long go.  He said if not better after my Dominican trip then he may refer me to a plastic surgeon to see if they can help – think they will do a tummy tuck and boob lift as well?? 

I was so upset I went home early from work and lied in bed all day and night.  The ex came over last night after listening to me whimper on the phone for an hour.  He brought a tea and let me lie down beside him so I could get comfy.  It was a kind gesture.  Waking up this morning, feeling about 20% better I highly considered calling in sick but I threw on what looked clean and headed out through the rain and fog to get to work safely. 

Hope you are having a better week then me!!!

XOXO Nikilee