The Dating Game

Somehow when I was younger and I pictured the 32-year-old me, I never once saw me staring at a cell phone wondering why it wasn’t ringing or beeping with a text message (okay not to date myself but really text messages weren’t that popular when I was 19, but I did have a pager).

However,  having seen PF twice now – once on Valentines Day – I haven’t heard from him since. He responds casually to my texts but we just had a long weekend and I not only didn’t see him at all, but I never even heard from him. Clearly that chemistry, or what we want from each other, differs.

I find this dating game so strange. When did men start to believe it was okay to talk to someone everyday for a few weeks, flirt and tease and joke, see someone and then drop off the face of the planet??  Men, listen up – it is not okay to do that. It is NEVER okay to do that. Now if I had slept with PF I would be freaking out right now, worried that I had made a mistake, but I didn’t, so I am just accepting our fate for what it is.

My friend NYU girl has many of the same issues, a man who clearly likes her, takes her out (but granted we are guessing he is a bit of an alcoholic) messages her and acts happy to see her, just stopped trying and being the sweet guy he was. It makes no sense. She is gorgeous and has so many things going for her and it bewilders me that men would treat her like she is replaceable! NYU girl and I talk on end about the insanity going on in the world of dating I swear it’s no wonder we even bother! I have read “He’s Just not that Into You” and “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and numerous other dating and relationship guides and a lot of the time it blames the woman (shockingly these books are written by men) for hanging on and not seeing the signs, but don’t we have to give people a chance? Don’t we have to make some kind of effort??

Not any more. I can’t. I’m bored. I want to be chased. I want a man to run after me and not stop running till he catches me. If that never happens, then it never happens, I hope one day I can be okay with that and accept it.

I don’t think I want to do this anymore, I have other plans, plans few know about it, plans I thought might change with this whole dating thing, but if anything they are solidifying those plans. These will be discussed in the spring/summer so please stay tuned.

Things with R were never going to work out because he is not serious enough about us to consider a relationship + he was matched with my friend C and that would have been SO awkward had they started dating. LOL…*shuddering*. He is just not that into me, and I adore him as a friend so I am cool with keeping things that way. I want him to be happy and because we are friends I will get to see that through one day!

No one else is really on my radar. Maybe if I stop looking online Mr Right will show up – maybe not – but I am pretty sure I am okay now with Mr Right Now unless/until Mr Right comes along.

XOXO Nikilee

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Can ex’s be friends?

This question is always  thrown at me since GBF and I decided to put our friendship above all else and reunite – as friends only.  Of course we have a HUGE history.  A long, emotionally draining history that makes me exhausted just thinking of it, but our History started with us being friends – best friends.

However my answer is always the same – if you want to make it work you can.  We have a history that includes a friendship so we have a basis, somewhere to start from.  We have love and respect for each other so we have a guideline to follow.  We both know we want very different things and as much as we have love for each other, it’s not romantic.  It’s friendship. 

While dating my most recent ex, GBF and I didn’t really spend time together, but we did talk.  It didn’t make my ex comfortable and that was my fault.  I should have chosen my relationship over my friendship with him, but at the time I really didn’t see the conflict.  Now clearly I do and with my next bf I will do things very differently.  I also know that if GBF were to get into a relationship with any woman – but especially back with his recent ex, we wouldn’t be able to continue our friendship in the same manner.  It is threatening to people – our closeness, his concern over me and my family, my need to discuss things  and receive that comfort from him.  It might not be right – but it is what it is.  WE both know our feelings are platonic towards each other and that we both want to leave the past in the past.

But since we won’t be able to be good friends when we start dating other people in order not to hurt them, are we really friends now – or just holding out till something better comes along?  I really hope that is not the case!

I miss my relationship with my ex, more than I should and more than pleases my closest girlfriends, I don’t miss my relationship with GBF.  I don’t want to be friends with my ex – there are still feelings there and I don’t think people can be so close when romantic feelings are still involved on one or both people’s side. 

What am I blithering on about – I don’t know.  I guess I am just scared I am going to lose my friend all over again and all this talk about me dating brings those feelings to light.   I won’t lie to any of them.  With my ex, he knew GBF and all about our relationship, but new guys won’t – but I will be honest with them and explain who he is and what he means to me and hope they can accept it – if not, then what — I lose my friendship?  I don’t know, and I don’t like not knowing.

XOXO Nikilee

What happens when there are a few guys??

So I have been talking to a couple of guys lately. HMMMM…two friends of friends and two guys online (I am 99.9% sure they are real this time)

R is a guy I have been out with a couple of times and even though things haven’t really progressed anywhere I still think he is really cute and has that bad boy look that I am sure my father would hate instantly, which is kind of appealing (to him and other members of my family no one will ever compare to GBF, but they need to get over it)! 

A is a new guy I was introduced to by another friend and I will be seeing him this Friday.  We are going to hang out with some of his friends at one of their houses and go for a steam – ya this house has a freaking steam room!  WARMTH!  He is not looking for anything serious and we are really hanging out as friends, but I guess time will tell if anything moves beyond that.  I am really looking forward to  the steam room – having some new guy see me in a bathing suit – not so much!

Then there are the two guys online who really I just talk to.  Nothing romantic or anything – not even flirty so I have no idea where there interest level lies and I don’t know where mine lies either.  I do know that the one guy PF is cute and we seem to have a lot in common and I have seen about 10 pics of him on his profile and he messages me at all times of day, so I doubt he is an African in a hut waiting to take all my money!  HA!

So I don’t know what my feelings are for any of these gentlemen and I have no idea what there feelings are for me, so I guess we will see and I will keep you updated – for now, it’s nice to have people to talk to and possible options.  I am being a lot pickier this time around!

XOXO Nikilee

emails and falling

Last night I hit my Hotmail icon on my iPhone 4s and I got the familiar buzz of vibration saying I had an email.  I checked and it was an email from a guy – from Match.  Sigh – my profile is supposed to be off Match, but of course when you join a paid dating site you have a 3 or 6 or 12 month contract.  My three months isn’t up yet so even though I have deactivated my account I still am “active” until the end of February.

I checked the email and the profile from the guy who emailed me and he seemed real – lots of pics (Alex only had one) and lots of things on his profile relating to Scarborough (e.g he loves the bluffs and playing baseball at Thompson park) so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and emailed back saying hi and telling him about Cuba (he had asked if I planned to travel this winter).

I am not even getting excited about the prospect of talking to someone new because for all I know he is some guy in an African hut with a list of ladiesto scam, but time will tell…I am also trying extremely hard not to be cynical.

This morning there was a tonne of snow on my car and as I started to brush it off (I really miss my underground parking garage) I slipped on a patch of ice and slid under my car.  My knee banged off my car and a sharp shiver went straight up my back.  I was not not happy.  I was now wet, sore and running late for work, 3 things that don’t impress me much!

I am so happy it is Friday – tomorrow I babysit Ms. J for a sleepover and we are going to have a blast!  Princess movies, chocolate chip pancakes and cookies!  WOOT WOOT!  SO MUCH FUN.

XOXO Nikilee

Dating online adventures continue

So after closing my page with Match.com (I mean really after seeing my scammer BACK on Match with another name but EXACT same profile), I decided it was time for me to move on.  I’m still connected until the end of February when my contract with them ends, but I have zero faith that I will contact anyone from that site ever again and when I see Match commercials on tv I want to throw my remote at it (but I don’t because I am trying really hard to stop throwing things, I mean I am not a two-year old I really should stop acting like it).

My friend NYU girl has met a tonne of guys from Go Cupid which is a free site, so yesterday while twiddling my thumbs bored out of my mind, I signed up and filled out parts of the questionnaire.  I still have a few sections to fill out (that damn self-summary will be the death of me) but I added a couple of pics and answered what seemed like a million personality questions.  I downloaded the free app to my phone and thought “here I go again”.

I haven’t really played around on that site yet, haven’t taken any real look at the guys profiles, but I am trying REALLY hard to keep an open mind.  At the same time, I feel like at this point I am going to be picky. I mean if I can be thirty-two and single I think I should have high expectations and be a bit picky.  I know I am not the hottest thing since burnt toast, but I am a catch.  I have a lot going for me and someone special is going to be pretty lucky to snatch me off my feet!

This morning I had an email from go cupid explaining someone emailed me.  I saw the guys pic and wasn’t immediately impressed.  I read his profile and it was filled with his bragging about how amazing he is at oral sex!  I mean that’s great and all, but really – in your self summary you feel a need to talk about that – we are not a match my friend.  I find guys who brag about their expertise” are usually the ones who are horrible and have none.  Then this guy talks about his physical disability.  I look back at the pictures – and he is in a wheelchair!  I had to take a step back for  a minute.  I had to think would I date someone in a wheelchair?  I didn’t know the answer right away.  I want to think I would, that I wouldn’t discriminate based on ability, but after having spent almost ten years taking care of my dad, I honestly don’t want to take care of someone else, no matter how abled they are – they would still require some assistance.

I won’t be responding to this man, thankfully it isn’t because of his abilities or lack there of – he just writes in a way that doesn’t interest me at all, that was actually a huge turn off.  Tonight since I have some time I will review some of the matches on go cupid as well as Eharmony which I still have a profile for and see if anyone catches my eye.

Time will tell…

XOXO

Nikilee

I need a tape recorder

I need  a tape recorder because my best blogs come to me late at night when my overactive brain should be sleeping.  I’m lying in bed, snuggled under the blankets and BAM a great blog comes to me and I start writing the whole thing in my head.  Of course by the time I wake up I have no idea what I have thought about, not even the title to try to push through the memory. So when it comes to sitting down and writing this blog, you get morning Nikilee, whom I don’t feel writes nearly as well as nighttime Nikilee.  It’s sad and I promise to be better for you all in 2013!

Last night I was thinking of ways to tell you about someone who may become pretty special to me.  I’m gonna call him Irish guy right now.  Since joining Match.com (again for reasons I can’t talk about yet) I have found very few guys that were worthy of even a wink let alone communicating with.  I either wasn’t physically attracted to them or their profile didn’t strike a chord.  But then I saw Irish guy’s profile and he is cute – really cute, and we seem to have a lot of initial things in common so I winked – what could I lose.  The next day he winked back (success).  I sent an email to say hi, he emailed me his personal email address so we could stop using Match as our means of communication.  I emailed him again and we have emailed every single day since boxing day.  Through our talking we have discovered a tonne more that we have in common and he makes me smile – something I haven’t truly done since the summer.  I haven’t told him the steel walls that are bruised and damaged I have up around me, but maybe I won’t have to.

Because I am leaving for Cuba in a few days (Saturday CANNOT come soon enough) we are keeping our contact through email and I am not going to push for any more, but hopefully once I come back, we can talk and then meet. 

We are taking things slow – I mean, clearly I jump into relationships way to quickly and then get my foot caught when forced to jump out.  Maybe if I go slow – and tread carefully, my heart will be safe.  However, I am not a dater, I don’t date lots of guys and see where things go, I am not that girl.  I’d love to be – I have a couple of girlfriends who have had a string of guys lined up for dates in a given week – but to me that sounds exhausting.  I am a relationship girl.  Always have been.  So far Irish guy seems like he is a relationship guy to, no BS from him so far.  When he says he will message he does – so far so good – I’ll keep you posted.

2013 seems pretty relaxing so far, a bit boring, but it’s January – I dislike snow and cold and wet and hockey so nothing about this year has excited me except for talking with Irish guy.  Next week is Cuba though and THAT will excite me!

Have a great week

XOXO Nikilee

I don’t want to date – and you can’t make me!

I have NEVER been a good dater.  Ever.  In middle and high school – all my relationships were instantaneous, I didn’t “date”. 

“Hi Nicole, its X.  Oh hi X, how are you?  Good, thanks, so you know I like you – a lot – wanna be my girlfriend? SURE!”

Seriously, it’s true…never did I date – I had relationships.  Until I was 29 and suddenly single, dating had never even crossed my mind. 

I could really be falling for who you're pretending to be right now.

But alas, at 29 years old I found myself single and living back at home.  How the hell does a single woman date when she lives at home with her daddy???  Good grief!  I went on a few dates – that were awkward as all hell (uh one was a 30-year-old virgin – by choice – not religion who didn’t even pay for my $3.00 coffee).  Seriously!!!    I hated the whole idea of dating then, and swore off it cause I was so bad at it.  In fact I hadn’t dated anyone in months when I went to the DR for J and K’s wedding.  Well then I met MiMo and he sort of fell into my lap and we didn’t really date, we sort of hopped really quickly into a relationship – which is probably why he hopped out just as quick 6 months later.  I can’t blame him.  Maybe if we had just dated things would have worked out better, maybe not? 

But since MiMo and I ended I haven’t dated really.  I mean I had that coffee with R, but we had been talking for a while and I knew he was still hooked on the ex, so I looked at it as a night out, not really a date per say. 

Funny Flirting Ecard: I'd love to awkwardly sway with you at an outdoor concert.

My problem: I hate dating.  I hate awkward first meetings.  I don’t like online dating cause most of the guys I have talked to are super cocky and superficial whether it’s a free site or a paid for site like Eharmony or Match.  Ugh!  I wish I was like my friend Jake’s mom sometimes cause SHE loves dating, she dates all the time and has no issues with it.  She’s great at meeting new people. 

R (the guy I kinda went on a semi-date with a few weeks ago and have become pretty cool friends with ever since) and I were talking last night and he asked me if I thought I was over MiMo and ready to move on and date again.  I told him I had no choice.  You can only mourn a loss of a relationship for so long, especially when it is one-sided. 

We'd be a normal couple if it weren't for you.

I don’t know when or how I will begin the dating journey, but I know I have to jump back on that horse (I’m allergic to horses, maybe I am allergic to dating!).  I just hope that some how I find success again.  I mean a 31-year-old, successful woman who lives at home with her dad (by choice) should be a catch right?!  LOL…

When you decided to play hard to get you failed to keep in mind that I am too lazy to even check my voicemail.

Wish me luck bloggers, I’ll keep you posted on the disaster joys of dating!

I can't wait to meet you in a well lit, busy location.

XOXO Nikilee