Love and loss

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately.  With all the guy drama in my life I decided to spend tonight going through the ex files…seeing where I went wrong and hopefully seeing where I may have gone right???

None of my boyfriends were really all the interesting or life changing until I met C.  I met C in ninth grade.  He was skinny and awkward (weren’t we all) and he hung out with a couple of girls I was getting to know pretty well.  C lived in an apartment with his mom and we got along instantly.  His mom was amazing and I loved her instantly.  We spent every day together and most weekends together as well.  He was my first “love” and my first…first first.  We were together on and off for 2 years and I was young, naive and there are a lot of things that happened then that I never would have allowed to happen now, but isn’t that what young love is all about – figuring out who you are and who you wanna be in a relationship?  We still talk to this day off and on through facebook – and even though have moved on in completely different directions, we still respect each other and what we have gone through.

My next relationship wasn’t really a relationship at all.  He was older, I was heart-broken from the C break up and I knew him from middle school.  He doesn’t even get a cute nickname because he was a douche bag.  It was a disaster and he pretty much cheated on me the entire time – though in his mind we weren’t dating because he was dating everyone.  I learned from that relationship – big time.  When I finally had my wake up call I was 17, depressed and broken in so many ways.  I spent nearly the next two years single, just enjoying life, hanging with friends dating randomly and concentrating on what was important to me.

Until I met Filipino boy.  He was a drummer in Chaotic Neutral *a band of guys from my highschool* even though he had graduated the year earlier.  He was so good-looking and so kind and sweet I didn’t fully believe he was real.  We dated almost my entire O.A.C year, he was my prom date and attended my graduation, cheering me on as well as all of school years at Trent.  He was the healthiest relationship I had ever had with any man and I fell in love with not only him, but his family.  They were mine and I was theres.  I still to this day call his parents mom and dad.  His sister is one of my best friends and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding and am a “tita” to her son J.  Now if this relationship was so amazing why didn’t it work do you ask?  Cause I was 19 when started dating and by the time I had turned 23 we were two different people.  I still respect him so much and still love his family, but while we both did great things together, he was in my life for a reason and that reason was to show me that I was worthy.  Worthy of love worthy of happiness and I had faith I would find it!  We are still friendly today – even though I am closer to his family.

After a disappointing 6 month set back with someone who looked like a logger and treated me like I was dirt, I realized that the one person who had been there since the beginning – who had seen me through all my ups and downs – was the one man whom I was in love with more than I ever thought possible.

DBF and I started off awkwardly in the sense that we were friends for so long and all of our friends (well his friends) were apprehensive about us being together.  But it was a dream come true.  We had a few really amazing years.  We travelled, we shared our lives together – the good and the bad – we supported each other and we made it work.  However, a lot changed quickly and even though we had moved in together, we were growing apart.  I’m not going to go into all the bad because I have moved on from that and so has he.  We are friends now – as you have read here – and I am grateful.  That relationship taught me a lot…good and bad…and I don’t regret it because it was an amazing five years and some of the new friendships I have made from that relationship have drastically impacted my life in the best way possible and I am so grateful for that!

What new relationship will be next…there is one that I think could be pretty amazing if the timing and circumstances all fit together, but time will tell.  Time will always tell when it comes to relationships and one thing I have learned – is that patience is a virtue that cannot be ignored.  I am NOT patient, I am jealous, loud, annoying and needy…always have been and probably always will be, but for a very select few people I can be the mature, beautiful woman I also know I am so I hope to be able to brag and chat more soon, but for now…I am feeling great and looking back on my past relationships as positives…

Hope you all have had wonderful people in your life who have changed it for the better and helped you grow…have a great night all!

XOXO Nikilee