I hate this week

The three white walls, with the hideous flowered curtain making a fourth, stare back at me silently, mocking me at every turn.  The smell of disinfectant and sickness make me nauseous and I want to cry, I want to scream. The beeping of the machines telling me something, but I am not sure what, is increasing the pressure in my head.  I am back in the hospital.  My father is ill, how ill, I don’t yet know, but the blood stained walls and floors at my house tell me something can’t be right.

Wednesday was a long day for me bloggers.  My father called me at work (always a key sign something is wrong – seriously wrong), by the time I got home he was dizzy and lying on the floor.  911 was called immediately.  It turns out a bleeding ulcer, is just that – it bleeds and causes quite the mess in your system (and my home).  The nurses and doctors made him comfortable after he was taken to Scarborough General Hospital and a blood bag was brought in for an infusion.  He’s had three more since then. 

Having donated blood numerous times in the past (being denied last time in April because of my tattoo) I have never been so grateful to those who take their time to donate their fresh clean blood.  It stabilized my father; it has saved my brother’s life in the past and countless others.  I will be donating again as soon as possible, and I hope – and pray – that everyone reading this will take time out this weekend or next to attend a donation centre – it doesn’t take long and the reward (saving lives) is priceless. 

My dad is doing better – they have scoped his stomach and we are waiting for the results.  Every minute and hour that passes by where he is okay brings me hope that he will come home soon and be back where he belongs.  Those who know me know my father is the most important person in my life.  He is my support, my hero, my daddy.  The house, without him in it, is empty, quiet and unfamiliar.  I don’t like it.  His creaking floor boards are a soothing sound, now I just lie in bed, trying to control my panic, my anxiety knowing that I have to keep my mind and body stress free.  Things are changing in my life, drastic changes.  This website – soon will be coming to an end, another taking its place.  More details to come, I promise. 

For now, I must stand up straight, be brave and strong and get through the next few days. 

XOXO Nikilee

I had a “GOOD” childhood

According to Google, good means “To be desired or approved of”.  My childhood was ideal.  I had two parents whom I knew loved me, a brother, a dog, a three-bedroom house on a nice street and was involved in many extra-curricular activities. 

However, most of my friends had the same…what they had, that I did not was the presence of family vacations.  Whether that was Florida in the winter or England in the summer, my friends travelled with their families. 

My dad is not a travelling man.  He was a working man and a golfing man.  He did not want to go on vacations with his wife and children to see the sights or become cultured, it is not who he is.  My mom probably would have gone anywhere had her husband said “let’s go”. 

I never really felt deprived at the time because I didn’t know any different.  Once when I was four or five, my brother had a soccer tournament in Niagara Falls, ON.  A short two-hour drive from Toronto, but my dad brought my mom and me with them.  I don’t remember that trip at all.  I was too young.  I have lots of pictures from it, where we are all smiling and happy, but nothing like that ever occurred again.  

When I turned 24 and had some money in my pocket, GBF took me to New York City and two years later Dominican Republic.  I have since been to Cuba twice, Bahamas and back to the DR again.  I have also been to Chicago, Montreal, Cleveland and Niagara Falls about a 287 times, give or take a few.  I have the travel bug.  I love it.  I will travel anywhere, anytime I can.  

My brother however has not caught the bug.  He went to Florida with his best friend when he was a teenager and then went to St. Lucia on his honeymoon almost 25 years later.  I always thought it was sad.  He seemed more interested in golfing and working, just like my dad.  Spending time away with the kids and his wife is not a priority.  This isn’t a bad thing.  He works hard and his family loves him – just like we loved my dad regardless of our lack of travelling together. 

But a few weeks ago, I got the surprise of a lifetime.  T told me her and my brother were planning a Disney vacation with the kids!  DISNEY!!!!  Not only that, but they were driving down so my oldest niece would go too (she is TERRIFIED of flying).  Now, this was enough to catch my breath and bring a sweet tear to my eye, but then I found out they were going after March Break so it was less expensive and less busy!  REALLY?  My brother was allowing his children to miss a week of school – on purpose!!!  I know most of you don’t know my brother, but this put him in the hero category in my eyes! 

Funny Family Ecard: This family needs to start spending entirely too much time together.

The cherry on top of all of this, is that my mom is going with them.  She is retired and hasn’t really gotten to spend quality time with her grandchildren since she was living up in Bobcaygeon until a few months ago so this will be a great adventure for her and a great chance to really get to know her daughter-in-law and grandchildren!  

Of course me being the lovely smart-ass child I am, teased her mercilessly about how her son is a back seat driver and the kids are crazy, but I am genuinely so happy for all of them.  They get to do what my brother and I never did – spend quality time together as a family doing something special. 

I received a text from both my mom and brother and the drive down was good and they made great time, everyone was happy.   

Next month, I will get the same with my mom and Aunt G.  We are going to Vegas!  VEGAS BABY 

XOXO Nikilee

The Violence will never end…will it?

Last night in Scarborough – right behind my brother’s family’s home and filipino boys family’s home – a “get to know your neighbour” block party was happening.  Why a party on a Monday night when many people have to work the next day is beyond me, but somehow the party, which should have been seen as sweet and a great way to bring a sense of community to the street, turned sour.  Shots rang out and 19 people were shot and injured while 2 people are dead – one was a teenage girl. 

Now I have reached my family – not filipino boys yet, but I saw on Facebook they are okay – who live off the street where the shooting occurred, and everyone is alright.  Thank you God.  But many families, will be changed forever.  Because of a “get to know your neighbour” party. 

Chief Bill Blair has named this the worst case of gun violence the city has ever seen.  EVER SEEN…1 minute from my family’s front door!  My heart hurts.  The shooting happened at 10:30 pm.  I mean it wasn’t even that late in comparison to when the shootings happen downtown and in the more “violence prone neighbourhoods”.  My nephew who is 15 could easily have been walking home from his friend’s house.  My brother could have been out having a cigarette!  Filipino boy could have been coming home from work…driving by…I know, none of this happened so stop thinking of the could haves.  But it is very hard not to. 

I know violence could and does happen everywhere.  I know that.  But it didn’t happen last night everywhere, it happened by people I love.  People I would not survive losing. 

Mayor Ford and I finally have a similar stand on something – we are both disgusted in this level of violence that has happened in OUR city.  Who’d have thought me and the Mayor would ever agree on anything…well we do.  Now I want to see what HE, our MAYOR is going to do about it.  I wish my family would move, but it’s never that easy.  Police are appealing to anyone that has information to come forward.  I beg everyone – anyone who knows anyone in the area, please contact your loved ones…make sure they are okay.  If they know anything, please come forward. 

This violence has to end…it just keeps getting worse.  Whose going to put a stop to it?

XOXO Nikilee

Last night was loud – really loud

Before leaving from work for the day my sis-in-law mentioned she was bringing my family over for dinner.  That includes my brother and their three children (aged 15, 13 and 12 years of age).  I was excited because I know my dad has been dying to see my brother for over two months and of course as soon as I got home and told him they were coming you would have thought I said John Wayne was coming for dinner and not his son.  Good grief! 

As soon as they walked in the door, the noise began.  Three teenagers (well almost for little K) who are all so totally different from each other argue and annoy each other a lot.  And then of course Sushi boyfriend and D came over to work on the basement so they were tearing down walls, which you know – get’s loud.  Then my home care came and she is quiet but I had to deal with that and I never feel good after she leaves so this is how I felt by about 6:30 last night

I wanted to curl up in my bed, block out all the noise and ignore everyone, but of course I haven’t seen my family all together in over 2 months as well so I stayed in the living while trying somewhat unsuccessfully to not scream at my nephew for being an obnoxious teenager and again – rolling my eyes at my attention craving youngest K.  You know I always find it funny that since young K is by far the most well-behaved out of the three and the most active and involved in things out of the three that she wouldn’t need any more attention – but she craves and demands it even more than I do, which is saying A LOT!  I mean I started my own blog to get attention for crying out loud – doesn’t hold a candle to her!  LOL…I may complain, but they (all of them) are the air that I breath, they are my reason for existing. 

So as the yelling and arguing was going on, I snuck downstairs to see what was going on, and walls were all of a sudden missing in my basement!  Sushi bf and D done a great job of ripping walls down – I love to see progress, it makes me think my closet (errr I mean basement apartment) may soon be a reality!  I am SO excited!  More pics to come tomorrow!

Finally after home care left, Sushi bf and D had finished for the night and the family had sufficiently ate and stayed their welcome, the house was quiet again.  Dad and I looked at each other, both sighed and enjoyed a minute of peace and quiet before I had to rush off to fill up his medication, and prepare myself for today.  While I do actually LOVE seeing my family, I also LOVE that it’s just me and dad at the house and it’s quiet 90% of the time.  I enjoy it.  So does he.  We have a good rhythm going on.

XOXO Nikilee

A long weekend is just what the Doctor ordered

Okay so my doctor didn’t actually say I need a long weekend, but I know in my heart, if I told her every detail of my life, I am sure she would recommend it! 

There is so much that I am quite ready to talk about yet on my blog, things that I need to keep private to protect someone else…but lets just say I had a pretty damn near perfect weekend. 

The one thing I can talk about is my dinner on Saturday night at the Keg restaurant in Scarborough.  Now, those who read this blog know that Makimono is by far my FAVOURITE restaurant, but the Keg does come in very close.  There is just something about the atmosphere, the servers and the food that always makes me feel wined and dined.  I went there with my father, brother and sister-in-law.  This was to celebrate my dad’s birthday from last week because T got sick and we couldn’t go.  Taking my dad out to dinner is always a treat since he doesn’t go out – ever really – anywhere.  But he does love a good Keg dinner and this was no exception!

We all start off with appetizers, because we know if we are having Keg, we go ALL out!  My brother, T and I had always have baked garlic shrimp – so yummy.  The bread was a bit hard, but the garlic sauce made it soften right up!  Garlic, cheese and shrimp so freaking good!  My dad got escargot.  No one else would be caught dead with escargot, but my dad loves it and has it every time we go!  Of course we all got alcohol too except T who isn’t much of a drinker.  Me and my brother got Caesars and dad had a southern comfort with 7-up. 

For our main dishes, we all differ somewhat.  My brother got a peppercorn steak with a shrimp and scallop medley on top.  He got the loaded baked potato and slices of tomato for flavour.  T got the terriyaki steak with garlic mashed potatoes and dad got the prime rib with loaded baked potatoes with a side order of mushrooms.  My meal, which is my favourite meal there is the surf and turf prime rib with lobster tail and garlic mashed potatoes.  I LOVE LOBSTER! 

Such a great meal!

Everything was cooked to perfection and I am pretty sure I ate mine in about 30 seconds flat.  In fact I ate so quickly I had time to run out and say hi to a friend I had been looking forward to seeing who always puts a smile on my face who was there to have dinner with family as well.
This was an amazing night out with my family, we don’t get to do it often (I mean really none of our diets or wallets can afford the Keg on the regular, but once in a while is a great time).
Daddy and me

Overall, I would not have given up this long weekend for anything, spending time with family and friends is always a good time, and sharing a wonderful meal with wonderful people make it all the more exciting and I can’t wait for the next long weekend which is…EASTER!  WTF!  This will not do.  I need to book a day off in March.  I cannot wait over a month for another long weekend…

XOXO Nikilee