It’s Time for a Detoxification

Ever since graduating from University, I have become an addict.  I am taking the first step – admitting I have a problem. 

Is it drugs?  Nope

Alcohol? Nope

Gambling? Nope 

It’s sugar.

I know some of you are probably laughing and some of you are annoyed that I am taking something like sugar and classifying it as an addiction like drinking, drug use or gambling.  But have you been addicted to something that is slowly killing you?  That has killed people in your family?  It’s called Diabetes my friend and my family is full of it.  We have a pre-disposition to diabetes in my family and if I am not careful, sooner or later it will catch up with me and bite me where it hurts the most. 

I have known that I am powerless to sugar for quite a while.  I don’t eat a lot – I skip meals regularly, but if you take away my sugar (my tea in the morning has three sugars in it) I am a hot mess.  

I don’t crave salty treats; I desire chocolate, candy and sugary juice or pops.  The funny thing is I don’t like artificial sweetener.  I have tried.  Trust me.  I am WELL aware of how much weight I could lose if I just skipped the sugar I consume on a daily basis.  However when I try, when I don’t have my tea in the morning (first thing and at break) I get a headache and I always cave in.  I cave in to an addiction that in as little as a decade could destroy my internal organs, causing me to go blind, lose feeling in my feet and be on insulin the rest of my short life.  Don’t tell me that won’t happen – it has happened to my father.  I don’t want his future. 

I don’t want this life, I don’t want it for me and I don’t want it for my future husband or children I may have.  I know – I know – this is important.  I know that I have been fooling myself into believing I don’t have a problem.  However, I have been lazy. I am lazy.  One of my dearest friends has been concerned for me for a while now and has offered to help me detox next week.  Basically she is going to bring my breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner for five days.  She is an incredibly healthy person and if I followed what she eats and how much she eats regularly I would be a much healthier person.  I know this.  So even though five days to you may seem like nothing – like a minute in a lifetime – it is a huge step.  It’s going to be hard.  Next week I am going to post everyday what I am eating, how I am feeling and any emotions I am going through.  Those of you who may say “just stop eating sugar”, has no idea how it feels – or maybe your self-control is stronger than mine, I am okay with that.  Please don’t judge me, because I am not judging you. 

XOXO Nikilee

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The three types of men – from my limited, female perspective

I have heard it said that women are complicated, men – simple.  This may or may not be true.  I personally find men to be incredibly complicated to figure out at times because they are SO secretive, but I have determined that men fall into one of three categories: the financial/work man, the loving sports/women man and the gaming/computer man.  Now I believe all men, like all people, are plaid.  They enter in and out of all three categories depending on who they are with, whom they are talking to and what kind of day they have had.  However I generally feel – looking at the men in my life that they fall into one category that really defines them. 

The financial/work type:     I think everyone know this man.  He talks about how much money he has, how hard he works, he is constantly replying to emails on his smart phone and he is – in a sense – over worked.  Sushi boyfriend kinda falls into this category – only in the sense that he works – all the time.  He works all day and then he works evenings doing another job.  He talks about his projects he’s working on and he is constantly looking for new projects to hang on to.  I have to tell him over and over again – slow down, relax, enjoy your life.  But what I didn’t know was – the financial/worker type are enjoying their lives – they enjoy work *ewwww*.  I know quite a few men who fall into this category – because I just work to make money and while yes I do enjoy my job, I don’t want to work more than I already do – I doubt I could stand being with this type of man for long.  I have dated a man like this in the past and all we fought about – his working so many hours, not relaxing, not spending time together.  Nope – while this man has many amazing qualities to be admired, he can only be truly successful if he has a great work/life balance.  Sushi boyfriend has found a woman whom enjoys his extra curricular activities and she is AMAZING so it all works out!  He has created his own blance that works for him!

The loving sports/women man:  This man loves sports – like really loves sports – to play to watch and especially to talk about!  He is probably playing some kind of sport all year-long and he also probably watches a sport every night and on Friday night pub crawls with the guys (cause this guy also loves going to the bar with his boys) they watch a sport and then analyze it for the rest of the night.  They know stats, players, positions and numbers.  I kinda love this type.  He’s a mans man.  Athletes are hot in my opinion.  However, this type of man is also surrounded by beautiful women.  The waitresses at the bar, the women who love to watch games and when these types of men get together – they all of a sudden turn into a different person.  They talk about women like objects, they bash and ogle different types of women and bitch about the current woman/women in their lives.  Now, I don’t want to be burned on my blog, but really – this happens.  As a “guys girl” I have been to the pub where this happens and guys are not afraid of talking trash in front of a woman they don’t think of in a sexual nature.  I was just the friend for these men, so the bashing went on no matter how much mouth dropping I did and no matter how much swatting I threw at them.  This is when my love for an athlete turns sour.  Unfortunately, they tend to come hand in hand.  I have LOTS of guy friends that fall into this category.  And almost every man I know slips into this category on a regular basis *even when it’s not their main choice*. 

The gaming/computer man: AKA the nerd:  This man I have met before with old roommates, however because they were roommates and not men I wanted to date, I never analysed them before.  These men play games, video games, computer games, card games all the time.  They love computers and systems and probably own most if not all of the systems to have come out in the past 10-15 years.  They have an amazing computer with an upgraded hard drive and processor and can talk World of Warcraft and Super Mario Brothers all in one breath.  They like comics and comedy shows like Big Bang Theory and are very laid back and easy-going.  When a group of them converge together they talk games.  They throw out names and numbers that no other person who is not a gamer would EVER understand and they don’t understand why people – especially other men – wouldn’t want to be just like them.  Now my old roommates were this type of men.  They probably still are.  I haven’t met one since. 

 Until I met Newbie.  Newbie is a gamer.  At first I was worried – I mean I am NOT a gamer at all.  I own a Gamecube for my nieces and nephew to play when they visit – hence a bribe – but overall I could care less about games and the differences between Play Station and X-Box.  However, it has become quite amazing to see this handsome, intelligent man talk with his friends about all the HoN characters and strategies and when I thought about it – I realized, he is talking with men about games, he is not flirting with women at the bar, he is not drunk somewhere acting like a fool and because he still dips into the sports category often I think I have the best of both worlds!  Now I doubt I will EVER want to play X-Box or Play Station on my own, but maybe I will let him teach me a thing or two… 😉  I mean the couple that plays together stays together right?!

I know men and women alike are going to bash this blog – I am stereotyping and I hate stereotyping, but hence the title of this blog ” from my limited, female perspective”.  It’s okay if I am wrong, I am sure I am, but this is my blog and my perspective!  🙂  If I wrote from your perspective then it wouldn’t really by my blog would it?! 

XOXO Nikilee

Going all the way back to middle school tonight!

Oh middle school – we all remember it right, a time where girls became women, boys became men, we all matured and were loving and respectful to each other – right?!  Uhh…hello, HELLO is this thing on??

What you mean that’s not how it was!  Girls were soemtimes cruel and mean, boys were to cool for school and treated girls like things and not people…we all thought we were soooo grown up and mature, but really we were all insecure brats waiting for the next person to torture so we would feel good about ourselves!  Right, that was my middle school experience.

It may sound bad, and parts of it were (I remember a girl bringing a lighter and hairspray to school to burn another girls hair off and don’t forget that time where I fell asleep first at a birthday party and woke up with lipstick all over my body – the words written on me are not appropriate on this blog), but I was also extremely lucky to have a group of kids who really were fiercely loyal, fun and unique.  I had my first kiss under the stairs of my school, we went ice skating or swimming at the rec centre every Friday and when my parents separated – those same friends surrounded me with love and kindness.  I still keep in touch with a few of those friends even though after 8th grade we all went off on our separate paths.  Thank you to Facebook for allowing me to reconnect with those friends.

One of those friends Shaun (or Andre) as he goes by now, has moved all the way to Kansas!!!  But he is back in TO and I am catching up with him tonight to hear all about his work, his church, his children…I cannot wait.  It has been 17 years since I have seen him (except through Facebook pictures) and I cannot wait to see him again!  Shaun was one of my favourite friends in middle school.  When those girls wrote all over me in lipstick, he was the first one to call me to see if I was okay.  He was a gentle soul and the fact that he is so passionate about the Lord Jesus Christ does not surprise me at all, because he always had something special about him. 

So tonight I will get Makimono and dinner with an old friend (wait – not old, we are the same age, so we are both young!)

It will be a great night…I hope we can catch each other up on all the amazing things that have happened to us in the past 17 years…and all of our current situations as well – I can’t wait to tell him about a special someone I have been spending a lot of time with!  But more on that soon I hope!

XOXO Nikilee

Pain in the (my) neck

Yesterday equalled me getting back to my real life, the trip is over, no more days off, back to REALITY.  I woke up to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” which made me smile and laugh because it was one of the numerous songs in my head while I was in the DR.  Then I realized it was 6:00 am and I smashed the snooze button, the last thing I want at 6 am is DR memories on a day when I need to go work. 

After throwing the covers off at 6:30 I dressed up (had to go to Metro Hall for  a meeting, might as well look super cute) and ran out the door trying to get my GPS to grab a signal to show me how the hell to drive to metro hall.  You would think that having been there for meetings a couple of times a year I would know how to get there – and vaguely I do, however when I got to John St, my parking lot was gone and a construction crane was in its place.  DAMN IT.  Had to figure out a new place to park…after circling random streets I finally found a place and was still 45 minutes early. 

After the very, very “interesting” (gag, cough) meeting I had to get back to my actual job where everyone was waiting to hear all the details from my trip.  While leaving some good stuff out, I pleased everyone enough to open my emails and start seeing what I missed all week while I was sunning and swimming.  Nothing, I missed nothing.  I am not on strike, the renovations at work haven’t started, nothing good, cool or exciting happened while I was away.  To bad for them…lol

Last night I had one of my new therapy sessions.  It’s CBT therapy.  I figured I might as well go get a talking to.  I told the Dr. everything that’s been going on for the past couple of weeks and other than quitting smoking (and starting again and quitting again) he didn’t seem overjoyed (join the club Doc.).  But he did make me feel pretty good about some of my not so great choices so that was nice of him (can I get an AMEN)  LOL…

By the time I got home, my throat was so sore and raw from the strep (and talking all damn day) that I really couldn’t imagine talking anymore.  Thankfully Tuesday nights are Biggest Loser nights with daddy so I didn’t have to talk much.  Until my phone rang.  My best buddy at work has been a successful applicant for a new job and he is leaving Social Services 😦

All good things must come to an end…haven’t I said this before???  It really sucks.  I now am seriously considering my work options, job location options and future choices and how they will affect me and my life.  The only thing I have any control over right now is my work.  I am a single girl who lives at home, work is kinda all I got right now where I get to make all the decisions.  Of course once I heard what my buddy had to say, I only had one person I could call who would know how I feel.  I called the ex.  Instead of calling him the ex, because it’s really not how I feel about him now, I am going to call him GBF (I know some of you reading will get it and those of you who don’t – don’t worry it’s an inside joke). 

GBF and I have really worked at being friends again.  No relationship, no intense moments, just a genuine friendship.  We have both made huge mistakes in the past but we have found forgiveness in each other and the one thing me and GBF always had was a solid, understanding, loving friendship.  So I knew calling him last night would be the one thing that would make me feel better.  And he did.  He allowed me to see different options at work, different view points of different situations, and while I would have loved to have gotten his advice on other stuff…we aren’t quite there yet.  But he did calm me down enough to fall asleep, which I needed – desperately. 

How can a person like me who craves 9+ hours of sleep get NO sleep in the DR and function perfectly fine, but come back to TO and get 8 hours sleep and wanna die the next day…maybe my therapist can answer that…stay tuned. 

We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not…

XOXO Nikilee