Day 3…humpday!

I can’t believe I am halfway through this crazy week and although I am hungry, I am not starving, I do not want to punch people who are eating cookies (lady beside me in my meeting today – cruel and unusual punishment should be  set upon you for eating TWO cookies that smelled like heaven would smell). 

I am learning, as I go along – I don’t need three teas throughout the day – not with three sugar each at least.  I can have one tea – first thing in the morning…my comfort drink, the one that gives me a reason to want to roll out of bed at 6 or 7 am. 

I don’t need bread at every meal.  Well…..okay no I definitely don’t NEED bread at every meal, having it at lunch OR dinner is okay.  If I want to have a sandwich at lunch, then I can have a protein packed dinner with veggies, which really isn’t going to kill me.

Having one sugary snack a day is okay.  Having one healthy a snack a day is okay.  Balance.  I tend to live my life in extremes…right now I am extremely not eating anything fun…lol…but usually I eat all fun stuff and none of the healthy stuff.  Why do I do this?  I have no idea.  It’s foolish and irresponsible not only for me, but those whose lives will be affected by me being unhealthy (and a tad bit crazy – though I tend not to love the phrase “crazy”).

So this has been a great experiment.  I have proven to myself (so far – I have 2.5 days left) that I can do this.

Can you?

XOXO Nikilee

 

 

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Just a spoonful of sugar…

Growing up I had the same family doctor as everyone else in my family.  Dr. D was a general practitioner and we went to him for everything.  What he couldn’t do for us, he would refer to someone who could.  

It never occurred to me that people wouldn’t have a family doctor.  I mean, you need one right?!  When I was in University I decided that Dr. D was no longer the right Dr for me for a few reasons: 1. I wanted a female doctor to perform the pelvic examinations and 2. Dr D told me when I was 17 I needed to lose a few pounds and I had just confided in him that I had suffered from Anorexia from 14-15 and lost over 50 pds in a matter of months.  I was unimpressed with his bedside manner.  So I left him, even though my father and brother were still his patients (though in 2003 when he almost let my father die I did consider running him over with car as the smug bastard went home) 

I did some research online and found a Dr who was located close to my house, a female and spoke perfectly clear English (I had visited one who I swear English was not a priority for her).  Dr B. has been my family doctor now for 10 years and she has helped me through everything!  She knows my entire history – things no one else knows, all my embarrassing issues, my annoying thoughts and my family troubles.  She is wonderful.  I have no plans to ever leave her practice unless she retires.  

So what’s the problem then?  Why am I blogging about a woman who hasn’t taken new patients in years?  Am I bragging…hahahaha I have a family doctor and maybe you don’t?  No, of course I’m not.  I am blogging because I am upset.  I am upset that in Canada we have AMAZING health care.  We don’t pay an arm and a leg to visit a doctor.  We don’t have to decide between getting a check up and paying the rent.  We are blessed.  

However, there is a scary trend popping up (at least in Toronto) and I don’t like it.  The general practitioners office is disappearing and these obnoxious walk in clinics are opening up everywhere.  Walk in clinics have a few doctors and MANY patients.  You can book an appointment with a specific doctor if you want to but this is not always possible.  Most of the patients are walk-ins.  They have large waiting rooms with sick people – like really sick people who are coughing and hacking all over the place and even walking by the walk-in clinic near my house makes me want to vomit.  You can go to numerous walk-in clinics – a different one every day.  It doesn’t have to be the same one and your file never transfers with you. 

This scares me.  Dr B knows my health history; she doesn’t have to rely on me to tell her anything.  She has a running tally of everything that’s happened to me in the past ten years.  What could a walk-in clinic doctor possibly do for me?  They know nothing about me and when I go back in 6 months, I’ll get another doctor who again, knows NOTHING about me.  Dr B has significantly decreased her hours of availability and my terrible fear is she is considering retiring.  What I will do then I don’t know.  I don’t want to utilize a walk-in clinic for my health needs, but I don’t know many people who have a family doctor anymore.  They seem as obsolete as the VCR, the record player and Walkman, not impossible to find, but you have to search really hard and some days you will come up empty-handed..  Will I be forced into a confined space with 100 other people who are all hoping some random doctor hurries up and sees me and remembers that I have had surgery three times in four years??  God I hope not. 

XOXO Nikilee

2012 in review

Today is my last day of work for 2012 – it is also the last day I will probably blog for 2012 because I start Christmas Vacation and my calendar is filled with family, friends and laser eye surgery.  I mean I could try blogging blind for the day I have my surgery – but that could be incriminating!

As I’m reflecting over this year and as much as the last few months have been emotionally trying both professionally and personally, I am glad this year happened.  I started this year thinking I would never be able to move past my relationship from GBF.  One wedding in the DR a month later and I was quickly falling head over heels with someone else and feeling completely released from my relationships from years past. 

Falling in love is such an amazing feeling and I have to admit I am in love with falling in love, but none of the guys I had dated in between GBF and MiMo could get me to feel anything further than friendship and admiration.  MiMo changed that and as much as it hurts that we didn’t work out, he did change my life – and my year!  So 2012 is over and I am hopeful that with the new year comes new opportunities to meet people.

I have spent some time with amazing friends and family!  Between the DR trip with K and family, Zumba with my sister-in-law and my NK nights, I couldn’t have asked for a more fulfilled year in the friendship department.  I have also become extremely close to my gf at work A and have spent plenty of hours crying on her shoulder and laughing along with her at numerous activities throughout the year.

Work has been – well work.  I truly am blessed because I LOVE my job, I love working for the City I love, serving clients who need my help and seeing them reach goals set.  There have been times where I wanted to pull my hair out and kick and scream, but that had nothing to do with my job or the clients – that was an internal struggle and I have adjusted to that and moved on fairly unscathed.   I look forward to meeting new clients in 2013 and being given new opportunities to prove my worth in this field!

Finally, on a family note – my dad went through the whole year with no major catastrophes.  His heart behaved, the diabetes didn’t give him any more trouble then usual and I was able to get through all of 2012 without constant worry for him.  My father is my world (as I think most people know) and having him in it is my number 1 priority.  

I also have been able to work – lightly – on a new relationship with my mother.  There were a lot of years of hurt there to make up for, but since her husband passed away in March 2012 (may he R.I.P) I feel like I have my mom back.  We may have lost years as mother/daughter, but maybe we gain years as friends – as equals.  As partners in crime.  I look forward to our Vegas trip with my aunt G in April 2013.  Life with my parents is looking up.  I have not said that in YEARS!

My wish for my readers, friends and family for 2013 is for you all to have your greatest wish come true.  I hope you are able to find (or stay in) love, health and happiness.

XOXO Nikilee

My biggest fear came true

I weighed in – YAY

I gained 5.3 pounds – FUCK FUCK triple FUCK!  I hate cussing on blogs, but I actually wanted to cry when I weighed in.

I am only down 17 pounds now…I cannot believe it!  I immediately blamed newbie.  LOL…I mean I know it’s not newbies fault, but it’s fun to blame him because I hate taking responsibility for things…I have gained this weight since dating him, he eats shit food so I eat shit food, he doesn’t exercise so neither do I – he is  man!!!  I am a woman with a crap metabolism…what am I doing??  I need to smarten up – and soon!

Follow me bloggers…I will allow you a sneak peek into my journey at the bottom of every blog I write!

Today was a bad day – nothing good weight wise to report – I ate out at all three meals.

XOXO Nikilee