Day 5, I know no day 4…

So yesterday was a crazy day – work has been insane lately and at times I feel like my hair is going to fall out (or I’ll pull it out, either way), but I am good, because I love what I do.  Shockingly with no sugar or carbs this week, I have survived.  I have not thrown tantrums or fits that would leave the Real Housewives envious.  I have been focused and strong.

Today is day 5 of this 5 day experiment of self-control.  I am not going to lie – I have felt hungry, but not starving.  I have felt dizzy, but never fainted.  I have not thrown up or punched anyone.  I am a hero.

Actually Agi is a hero.  She has brought me every meal, supported, encouraged and talked me through every day.  I am so blessed to have amazing friends.

Tomorrow though, tomorrow I am eating bread.  Don’t worry I am not going to go bat shit crazy and eat sugar on bread (though thanks mom for the idea) but I am going to start incorporating healthy breads and sugar back into my diet – cause this has felt extreme and as I said the other day – I can’t live extremes.

This week-long journey is over!

XOXO Nikilee

Day 3…humpday!

I can’t believe I am halfway through this crazy week and although I am hungry, I am not starving, I do not want to punch people who are eating cookies (lady beside me in my meeting today – cruel and unusual punishment should be  set upon you for eating TWO cookies that smelled like heaven would smell). 

I am learning, as I go along – I don’t need three teas throughout the day – not with three sugar each at least.  I can have one tea – first thing in the morning…my comfort drink, the one that gives me a reason to want to roll out of bed at 6 or 7 am. 

I don’t need bread at every meal.  Well…..okay no I definitely don’t NEED bread at every meal, having it at lunch OR dinner is okay.  If I want to have a sandwich at lunch, then I can have a protein packed dinner with veggies, which really isn’t going to kill me.

Having one sugary snack a day is okay.  Having one healthy a snack a day is okay.  Balance.  I tend to live my life in extremes…right now I am extremely not eating anything fun…lol…but usually I eat all fun stuff and none of the healthy stuff.  Why do I do this?  I have no idea.  It’s foolish and irresponsible not only for me, but those whose lives will be affected by me being unhealthy (and a tad bit crazy – though I tend not to love the phrase “crazy”).

So this has been a great experiment.  I have proven to myself (so far – I have 2.5 days left) that I can do this.

Can you?

XOXO Nikilee



Day 2 – so far I’m alive

Not having white sugar or carbs is a bit like running through the rain without an umbrella.  It can be refreshing and make you feel great – but in the end you are wet and cold and your make-up is running down your face.

Okay so I am over exaggerating a tad.  It’s been one day, 24 hours, and I have survived.  I had 2.5 cups of fruit for breakfast with a blueberry white tea for snack.  I had a chicken caesar salad and water for lunch and my dinner got a tad messed up due to some plans changing so I had grilled calamari (delicious by the way) for dinner.  The calamari wasn’t breaded so I did not feel bad one bit.  Now because of who I was with and why I did have a cocktail, but I sipped it so slow it took almost 2 hours to complete it – so I have had a bit of a cheat, but I got approval from Agi for this one time cheat. 

Today it’s back to the grind.  Plus I walked so much last night my feet are sore so it all evens out no??


XOXO Nikilee

I protest

Today is the day.  I am going to wean myself off of white sugar if it kills me.  I am also going to cut down my carb consumption too.  Agi is kind enough to bring me my meals this week so I am not tempted to cheat.  

This morning for breakfast I had two and a half cups of mixed fresh fruit.  Agi threw in all my favorites, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and nectarines.  I must say it was delicious and quite filling.  Also much healthier than my bagel and butter I usually have.  Plus…for the first time in months I have not had a tea with three sugar.  

Now I am getting a headache, but the weather in Toronto is a bit crazy so it’s possible it’s that and not the lack of sugar coursing through my veins. 

Today for lunch I have chicken caesar salad and water and for dinner I will be having pork with vegetables.  Luckily I get to eat lots of veggies and cheese and I can have tea without milk and sugar so every day I am going to go to Tim Horton’s and try a new flavored tea.  

This isn’t going to be easy, but it’s important.  It’s important I take care of myself; my body and that I succeed.  

Wish me luck *fingers crossed* 

My biggest weakness is that I'm weak.

XOXO Nikilee

It’s Time for a Detoxification

Ever since graduating from University, I have become an addict.  I am taking the first step – admitting I have a problem. 

Is it drugs?  Nope

Alcohol? Nope

Gambling? Nope 

It’s sugar.

I know some of you are probably laughing and some of you are annoyed that I am taking something like sugar and classifying it as an addiction like drinking, drug use or gambling.  But have you been addicted to something that is slowly killing you?  That has killed people in your family?  It’s called Diabetes my friend and my family is full of it.  We have a pre-disposition to diabetes in my family and if I am not careful, sooner or later it will catch up with me and bite me where it hurts the most. 

I have known that I am powerless to sugar for quite a while.  I don’t eat a lot – I skip meals regularly, but if you take away my sugar (my tea in the morning has three sugars in it) I am a hot mess.  

I don’t crave salty treats; I desire chocolate, candy and sugary juice or pops.  The funny thing is I don’t like artificial sweetener.  I have tried.  Trust me.  I am WELL aware of how much weight I could lose if I just skipped the sugar I consume on a daily basis.  However when I try, when I don’t have my tea in the morning (first thing and at break) I get a headache and I always cave in.  I cave in to an addiction that in as little as a decade could destroy my internal organs, causing me to go blind, lose feeling in my feet and be on insulin the rest of my short life.  Don’t tell me that won’t happen – it has happened to my father.  I don’t want his future. 

I don’t want this life, I don’t want it for me and I don’t want it for my future husband or children I may have.  I know – I know – this is important.  I know that I have been fooling myself into believing I don’t have a problem.  However, I have been lazy. I am lazy.  One of my dearest friends has been concerned for me for a while now and has offered to help me detox next week.  Basically she is going to bring my breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner for five days.  She is an incredibly healthy person and if I followed what she eats and how much she eats regularly I would be a much healthier person.  I know this.  So even though five days to you may seem like nothing – like a minute in a lifetime – it is a huge step.  It’s going to be hard.  Next week I am going to post everyday what I am eating, how I am feeling and any emotions I am going through.  Those of you who may say “just stop eating sugar”, has no idea how it feels – or maybe your self-control is stronger than mine, I am okay with that.  Please don’t judge me, because I am not judging you. 

XOXO Nikilee


Last night my sister-in-law T and I had our very first Zumba class.  This is offered through TDSB Continuing Education program.  It is $78.00 for 11 classes.  It is held every Wednesday night at 8:30 pm.

I picked T up at 8:00 to give us enough time to get there and chill out for a little bit before it started – the high school it is held in is big – huge! We got lost immediately.  Walked around the building for a while and finally found our entrance.  When we walked into the gym, we expected to find all these PYT’s (Pretty young things) instead we found about 15 older women.  That made us EXTREMELY happy.  We would not be the worst dancers in class we could now assume. 

Our instructor walked in and she is  PYT to the max!  Hot Zumba body, full of energy!  I was excited – I mean one Zumba class and my butt would look like her’s right???  Ummmm…not so much.

She started the class right away playing up beat music, we formed three lines (T and I entered the second line so as not to stand out, but still be close enough to see the instructor).  The first song, I felt pretty good, no weird moves that were foreign or too difficult to master.  I was sweating hard though and we had only gone 5 minutes into class.  We both knew we were in trouble.

After 15 minutes I was DYING.  I had to get a drink.  The moves got more and more complex shaking my boobs, butt and coordinating my hands and feet is MUCH more difficult than I assumed.  I kept staring at the instructors booty and kept going, hoping for a cute bubble butt by the end of class.

The moves got so complicated (for me anyway) that I just kept moving, but nowhere near to the moves she was suggesting.  The music was great, my heart was pounding and I was pretty sure I was going to pass out in the gym, but all the other women were moving, so I did as well.  About halfway through class we got a 2 minute break to grab water.  Then we kept going.

At one point I was in the middle of a turn where I shake my hips and twist my feet with my hand in the air like I’m riding a cowboy – I mean horse – and I noticed an older woman behind me had on no shirt.  She had come in with a zippered hoodie and now – half way through my hour of excercise she was in a bra.  Hoodie unzipped.  WO!  I don’t know what she was thinking, why she was wearing just a bra, but she was and she was shaking **everything**…you go Grandma! FIST PUMP!

By the end of class I was exhausted, sweating and felt – great actually.  I also felt like I would never go to a club again because I cannot dance.  I have no rhythm, can’t follow a beat and don’t understand how I’ve been clubbing for over ten years now?? 

However, when T and I got in the car, we both realized if we kept at it, we could go to any Caribbean Island and shake what our momma’s gave us and attract some seriously positive attention!  Or embarrass ourselves and be voted off the island Survivor style – either way it’ll be a great time.

I like Zumba, I don’t love it yet, because I feel uncoordinated and inept, but I hope after 11 weeks, that may not be the case, so next Wednesday I’ll be there with T shaking my tail feather hoping for better results – and a cute little bubble butt.

Today I was sure I would wake up sore and unable to move – but now, since I feel okay, I am thinking that will be tomorrow’s fun.  However – I am off work tomorrow so I am free to moan and groan in my swimming pool bath tub.  YAY

XOXO Nikilee

No more Coke!

So last week Sunday I decided that I no longer wanted to include Coke in my diet.  It’s horrible for you and I was drinking way to much of it.  In fact when I had my surgery in May I had to take all these antacid things before hand.  The only food difference between this surgery and the past two surgeries – my Coke intake was high. 

So I have gone 11 days with no Coke and let me tell you, it has NOT been easy!  My family is not always the most supportive!  My dad ordered a 2L Coke with dinner the other day “for the grandkids”  and it sat in my fridge until he emptied it (please note he should NOT be drinking Coke at all and he’s an ass cause he does whenever he can get away with it). But I resisted.  I did not have a drop!  When I was at Crazy Cat Lady’s house for a visit, she offered me a Coke, and I said no.  She said I could have just one.  Just one today leads to just one tomorrow, leads to just one this afternoon and just one tonight.  NOOOOOO.  I managed to say no, stay strong and my body is still Coke free. 

On August 15th, I am going to switch out my tea with three sugar to tea with two sugar.  This will be the hard one.  The impossible.  I love the three sugars in my tea.  It’s so yummy! 

Stay tuned as I rant and rave about my ups and downs in the healthier living zone!

Also stay tuned because Sushi bf and D are almost done my bsmt!  2 more weeks hopefully and I can begin to decorate!!!  WOOT WOOT!

XOXO Nikilee