What Happens in Vegas…

 Isn’t going to stay in Vegas…I mean I went with my senior citizen mom and Aunt G, what did you think was gonna happen?  I wasn’t going to be sleeping my way though the crazy City of Lights with every Tom, Dick and Harry! 

Instead we gambled, ate, drank and shopped our way through the tourist trap city of Las Vegas Nevada. 

Wednesday morning my uncle picked me up from my home and drove the three of us to Pearson airport in rush hour traffic, however we still made great time.  After what seemed like forever, we managed our way through security and customs and looked for a place to have breakfast snack and coffee.  We had to settle for Freshii because the part of the airport we were in had nothing – not even a Tim Horton’s (seriously as a Canadian I object to not having a Tim’s within a five-minute walk of me) 

After boarding we were off to Vegas!  The flight (we flew with West Jet) was great, minimal turbulence and I actually napped for about 30 minutes.  We got out of the airport, grabbed a taxi and got to our hotel all within an hour.  This made me happy – no lineups, no long wait – quick and efficient, just like the city we were in!

 We stayed at the Mirage Hotel and Casino on the Las Vegas strip and after a minor slip up (gave us the wrong room number) we were in our rooms with  a $75 dinner voucher for the mistake.  We ordered room service, showered and got ready for SHANIA TWAIN!  I am going to blog specifically about this concert later because this woman and her concert deserve an entire blog post dedication! 

When the concert was over we walked around Caesars palace, took pictures and marveled at the lights and scenery! 

Thursday included gambling at Casino Royal and the Mirage, a gondola ride at the Venetian (where I almost got married to my gondolier who is Italian, an opera singer and sexy as heck thank you very much) and watching the Volcano erupt from our hotel.  The great thing was we also had a great view from the 17th floor to watch the volcano erupt every hour! 

We went to Treasure Island Hotel and Casino Thursday night where we saw the sinking of the pirate ship and gambled some more.  By the way, if you are a female pirate, supposedly you don’t need bombs and canons, you only need a good wardrobe, hair and makeup and you can sink another ship (according to this story at least). 

Friday we were lucky enough to go to the MGM Grand and eat at Wolfgang Pucks restaurant where I WAS CARDED!!!!  Woohoo!  I still got it!  What “it” is, I am not sure, but he thought I could be under 21 so I’ll take it!  We also saw Ka the Cirque de Soliel show.  It was beautiful and the first Cirque show for both my aunt and mom.  It was visually stunning, wowing the crowd with powerfully emotional moments that left us at the tip of seats! 

Cabbing it back to the Mirage after Ka was over, we gambled some more – oh ya and my mom won a freaking slot jackpot of almost $7000.00.  Damn woman!  Out of the three of us though she did need the money more so in the end we were extremely happy for her (plus it’s only her second  trip since her honeymoon to my dad in 1965!) 

Saturday I went to the South Premium Outlets completing my souvenir shopping (Michael Khors is totally a souvenir… to me…) 

By the time Sunday night had rolled around, I truly felt like Vegas was a place I could easily vacation at again and again because there was so much we didn’t see.  It had eaten us up and spit us out and we were ready to go home (even though we REALLY wanted to take the hot sun with us).  The red-eye flight home Sunday night was brutal because of the three-hour time difference and the serious lack of sleep, but by the time we arrived home Monday morning, I was happy to be back where I belonged. 

I. AM. CANADIAN.

XOXO Nikilee

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I think I need a mental vacation

I know I cannot afford an actual one (and neither can anyone else who I’d wanna take with me), but a mental vacation is  high on the top of my list of needs right now.  Just a couple of days where I can lie in bed, sleep, read, answer to no one – of course I’d want newbie there, but if he was getting bored or loud, well he’d have to go play outside because this is my mental vacation and on this vacation there is no loudness, no room for boredom!  Now all I need is my bsmt apartment and a new bed (since my is broken, thank you K and GBF for not putting it together properly!) and my mental vacation can begin!

Biker dude passed away Friday March 30th at 4:10 pm.  I spent the next week back and forth between home in Toronto and my mom’s home in Bobcaygeon, ON.  An almost two-hour drive.  Taking care of two parents who both need you and who live far apart is BRUTAL.  I needed to support my mother, she has lost her true love, a love that did everything for her.  While I may not have gotten along with Biker dude, she loved him and relied on him for everything.  Thankfully she has an amazing sister who also split her time between Toronto and Bobcaygeon to offer support and a shoulder to cry on.  In time I know my mom will be okay, and I will be grateful if/when she moves back to the city so I can be there for her and my father in a much more comforting environment. 

Without airing too much family laundry I have been fighting with my brother a lot lately – and T has gotten involved at times as well.  I know, I know, I ALWAYS fight with my brother – we are two peas from the same pod, but you would never know it!  We are the exact opposite in every way possible.  But we have both crossed lines now and who knows if or when those lines will be erased.  Fighting with T is exhausting though because she is also my bff.  You can’t fight with your bff without wanting to punch a wall just so you cause yourself some physical pain to take away the emotional pain.  Things between us are okay now, not the same, but we love each other and they will be fine, but I’ll be grateful when it’s all over with.  All this fighting isn’t good for any of us – at least some of us have healthy ways of dealing with it – you know communication…

My grandmother’s house is in the process of being cleaned out and fixed up to sell!  Hence the reason for the fighting between me and my brother.  It’s a huge task as my grandmother was something of a hoarder.  No matter how many hoarding shows I watch, or how many Pawn Star shows I see regularly, I have no idea whats’ worth any money or value and whats not.  I literally picked up her entire jewelry box and brought it home hoping I can find someone who can appraise it. I mean my grandma owned a lot of junk jewels – I can tell some of it is dollar store quality because I probably bought it for her when I was young.  However some of it looks nice, or old, or expensive…so who knows?!  We will see.  I miss my grandma, but holding onto that house is not allowing me to let go…and I need to.  I feel like to much of a disappointment to her in so many ways and I need to accept what is, what was and go on with my life being the best me I can be.  I went to visit her grave last weekend over Easter.  I dropped off newbie at home and went across the street to the cemetery to say hello.  I was at first grateful I found it because I have never gone alone.  Secondly I was grateful I went because I let out a few tears, said hello, apologized for the two years of lies about me and GBF being together and told her about Newbie.  I believe she is watching over me, protecting me, loving me still.  I want her to know who newbie is and how important he is to me, I am sure she would like him, approve of him because of how happy I have been since dating him (once she got over me not being with GBF, who in her eyes could do no wrong).   

Work has been busy – I mean it usually is, but with PAYE and the workshops and the critiques and the community outreach, I am tired.  It doesn’t help I was off for 11 days for my mom and the pile of email notifications built up to well over 100.  I need to re-organize myself.  Get my thoughts straight, figure out who is on first and who the heck is on second!!  Don’t understand?  That’s okay, I do.  I will figure it out probably just in time for my two weeks of being ill and off for the surgery!

I finally have had some resolution for my uhhh…”lower back problems”…I am having surgery again.  It will be on May 9th.  Newbie has taken a couple of days off to be with me during surgery and to stay with me afterwards.  Honestly, if it wasn’t for newbie, I have no idea where I would be right now – going mental probably.  he has held my hand through everything.  He is my light, my happiness and the fact that he has been so supportive during all this craziness just shows his character – he is a man with so much love to give and I am grateful he has chosen to give it to me! 

XOXO Nikilee

 

Nothing like a phone call to make you stop and think

Lately, I have been stressed and even a tad bit depressed (thanks to crazy cat lady that is under control), what with the impending strike, arguing and fighting with family, being annoyed by people who have no business annoying me and stuffing my face with any food that’s not glued down…its been a rough week. 

But last night as I was driving home from dropping off Ms. J I got a phone call from my mom.  Biker dude – A.K.A Gary, her husband has taken a turn for the worse.  He is dying – he has cancer of the throat.  Chemo didn’t work and it is spreading rapidly.  He is mostly unresponsive and has suffered from a few seizures.  She was a mess.  This man she has loved for over half of my life and realistically, most of hers as well, will be dead in a very short time. 

Now I am not even going to try to pretend like his passing will really have a huge effect on me personally because in reality we aren’t close.  I never really enjoyed his company and we are complete opposite people in every way possible.  However, I love my mother and she loves him, so for her – my heart is breaking.  I wish I could make him better so she did not have to suffer. 

There is nothing worse as a child then hearing or seeing your parents crying.  The first time I saw this I was 6.  I came home from shopping with my mom – back in the day when my parents were still together – and I walked into our living room to my dad standing by the big picture window, and my brother sitting on our couch, crying.  This is one of my earliest memories – a clear memory, as clear as my memory of my prom or University graduation.  But instead of a happy one, it is one that made me realize my father was vulnerable.  He was crying because his father, my poppy, had lost his battle with diabetes (back in the 80’s the diagnosis wasn’t as good as it is now).  He’d been in the hospital for weeks and my grandmother was now a widow.  I don’t know where she was or what happened next, but I started crying before I even knew what happened.  My father was in tears.  Whatever the news, it couldn’t be good. 

The last time I saw my father cry was at my grandma’s funeral a few months ago, I was 30  – and even then, it was a just a few tears.  He had prepared himself for her death – she was ill for many years and we were all just grateful she was in no more pain and believed fully that she was with my poppy – where she wanted to be. 

But hearing my mom cry last night, stirred something different in me.  I felt sad.  But I felt useless.  I felt like there was nothing I could do.  I offered to pull onto the highway and drive to Bobcaygeon right then and there, but she didn’t need that.  She is resound to living out his last few days (hours?) with him alone.  I understand that and I respect it too.  But as an adult woman who has experienced true love I hate the idea of someone losing someone they adore.  I know that when he passes she will call and I will hop on the highway and play the role of dutiful daughter, doing everything she wants and needs and comforting her the way she will need me to – but until then, I will sit here, waiting for my phone to ring and reminding myself to be grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life and all the greatness I have to celebrate!

It’s Friday, I love Fridays.  I get a weekend with newbie!  I’m going to enjoy every moment of it!  It’s true that life is short and we never know how long we have with people, so I will smile when newbie gets in my car, I will kiss him and say hello and wash this whole week off of the both of us – so we can have a great time and enjoy each other the way we should!

XOXO Nikilee

A day is just a day…really it is.

So yesterday (Valentines Day) was a normal, yet happy day for me.  Work was good, no major troubles, lots of texting, which I know is so wrong, but I CAN NOT HELP IT.  I just can’t stop yet so I hope none of my co-workers hate me for it!?

After work I had therapy, which was intense and made me do a lot of thinking.  I need to start taking control of my life and my future, but really, I am in limbo right now and I plan on going nowhere soon so I will just have to deal with my rollercoaster of emotions until a move is made!  My Valentines date was with one of my absolute favourite people in the world – crazy cat lady!  LOL…she will kill me is she reads this and finds out I call her that…shhh don’t tell.  I spent part of my evening with her and her dad just relaxing, teasing each other (if we were American he would be VERY republican and I would be VERY democratic so I try not to debate him…it could get ugly).  Watching crazy cat lady with her dad reminds me of the relationship I have with my dad.  He raised her, mine raised me.  Though in reality – we took/take care of them! 

After leaving her house, I headed to the finale of my Valentines date night with my dad.  We watched part of Biggest Loser, but I knew I had one more thing I had to do.  I called my mom.  My mom is going through a really rough time right now.  Her boyfriend has throat cancer and so far – it does not look good.  I am debating about going up to Bobcaygeon to help out for a couple of days.  Even just to be there to keep them company.  Now my relationship with both of them has been strained, never a solid, great relationship by any means, but I do love my mother and I don’t like people I care about hurting.  I also tend to not be the most compassionate person with her, as I am more concerned that when he does pass away that she is taken care of…that things are in order.  She assures me they are.  I hope so.  We had a really nice talk though.  Probably the longest one we have had in months, if not years. 

After showering and talking to GBF (totally teased him for not buying me flowers this year – I mean last year he did…remember my blog on it!!  We were in a crap place last year, I hated so much of him and he bought me flowers!  This year we are friends, we are in a much better place, and I get nothing!  LOL…next year if I am single I will pick a fight with him to ensure I get something!)  I passed out cold…only to be woken up by a crazy nightmare where I was in some foreign country and working in a brothel – not as the woman who sleeps with people, but as security (ya who the hell am I supposed to secure???)…and people were getting killed and raped and I have no idea what brought on such foolishness, but it kept me awake wishing I could call…nah I won’t say…but I did wanna call someone and calm myself down.  Why do my dreams have to be so freaking real???  Ridiculous! 

All in all, today should hopefully be a wonderful day.  See if my plans stick, see if work goes well – see what client’s bring me today…have a wonderful hump day everyone

XOXO Nikilee

Top 5 things I thought about while stuck in traffic

I am really liking the Top 5 list.  So here is another one.  To set the scene: this morning, mother nature vomited snow all over Toronto.  And not just snow, but rain, ice and wind.  This is the first real snow Toronto has seen this season.  I shouldn’t complain, I am well aware of this, but I whine a lot about a lot of things, so I am. It took me over 1.5 hours to get to work – normally takes 20 -30 minutes MAX!  At one point I sat on the highway off ramp for 40 minutes and in that 40 minutes I had a lot of time to think and pray because there is only so much radio one person can listen to and I own no good CD’s. 

I did not take this picture - relax, I googled it!

1. Why doesn’t Toronto make it mandatory for everyone to buy winter tires?  I mean, I didn’t slip or slide once today and there was people slipping and sliding all over the place like their car was wearing ice skates.  What an image.  I wonder if there would be a drop in accidents if it were mandatory??

2. I wish Roz and Mocha on kiss 92.5 would have more talk radio.  I mean they are funny!  I love their radio show, but they play way to much music that I can hear on other radio stations.  I want to hear their friendly/unfriendly banter.  And Maurie!  I love Maurie!  Please Roz and Mocha, talk more, play less music!

3. I can’t fast with food today.  I need to eat!  Blueberry bagel, here I come!  I need you, crave you and if I had just gotten to work before 8:30 I might have been able to resist your sweet aroma, but unfortunately I am stuck in traffic smelling you and now you must be eaten – fasting for today is NO SMOKING!  Let me tell you, if I had a cigarette in my car, she would have been smoked.  However I wouldn’t have needed the bagel then and been able to keep my fast.  However I would have smoked and broke my promise to myself and my health…I was screwed either way.  So I ate, but I apologized to God first.  And let me tell you, blueberry bagels, lightly toasted with butter is AWESOME!

4. I hope for my mother’s sake her boyfriend ends up okay.  Biker dude has throat cancer.  He had to get some wire mesh thing put in his throat so he can eat and if it takes he can do chemo and should hopefully live another year or more.  If it doesn’t take…well lets just say it won’t be good.  My mom has had a rough go the past 10+ years and as much as it is her own doing and consequences of choices she has made, I love my mother and she wants biker dude to get through this so I do too.  I added him to my prayer list this week.

5. Finally, why do I work at an office so far away when there is an office with a couple of my favourite ladies at it just 5 minutes away?  Why??  I don’t know.  I love being in the Employment Centre, I don’t want to be back on a caseload.  I have made a couple of really good friends here who I would be devastated to lose touch with and the SDP’s are great!  So as much as I HATE the drive in the winter, I have to suck it up buttercup and keep going because I have made the choice to stay here for at least a year.  I’m just glad my ladies from the other office love me enough to see me outside of work!

And that’s it folks.  These are the things I thought about while sitting in snow, rain, ice, wind and traffic.  I hope you have all had a great day *said quite sarcastically*

XOXO Nikilee