Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my grandmothers passing. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of her for some reason or another. Whether I walk by someone who looks like her or I see a grandmother at the mall with her grand-daughter, or I just think of how so much has changed since her passing. She was my hero and I miss her – fiercely.
Her passing has brought some goodness, which I am grateful for because I never thought it would. I had called and told GBF that she passed and we started talking that very day and have continued to talk almost every day since. We are friends, I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same, and I doubt we will ever try a relationship again, but having my friend back releases a sort of anxiety only he could. My grandmother adored him, she didn’t know we had broken up, I couldn’t bare tell her it would have broken her heart. She died believing I had a man to take care of me – she didn’t know, I can take pretty good care of myself – and everyone else. But she didn’t need to know that. I am at peace knowing she believed I was in a happy relationship.
Since me and GBF became friends I was able to truly fall in love with someone else. I don’t know if that would have happened otherwise – I always felt it wasn’t fair to someone that I couldn’t tell my Nana about someone else and I always held back a bit – but with MiMo I was willing to go all out.
Now that my Nana’s suffering has ended, I know she is happy – I believe she is chilling out in Heaven with my grandpa looking down and shaking their heads at my family’s foolishness and THAT makes me smile. I got a tattoo to commemorate her. Our last name initial, her birthdate and a heart with her birthstone. She would have hated it I am sure, but I love it and it makes me smile every time I look down.