Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my grandmothers passing.  Not one day goes by that I don’t think of her for some reason or another.  Whether I walk by someone who looks like her or I see a grandmother at the mall with her grand-daughter, or I just think of how so much has changed since her passing.  She was my hero and I miss her – fiercely. 

Her passing has brought some goodness, which I am grateful for because I never thought it would.  I had called and told GBF that she passed and we started talking that very day and have continued to talk almost every day since.  We are friends, I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same, and I doubt we will ever try a relationship again, but having my friend back releases a sort of anxiety only he could.  My grandmother adored him, she didn’t know we had broken up, I couldn’t bare tell her it would have broken her heart. She died believing I had a man to take care of me – she didn’t know, I can take pretty good care of myself – and everyone else.  But she didn’t need to know that.  I am at peace knowing she believed I was in a happy relationship.

Since me and GBF became friends I was able to truly fall in love with someone else.  I don’t know if that would have happened otherwise – I always felt it wasn’t fair to someone that I couldn’t tell my Nana about someone else and I always held back a bit – but with MiMo I was willing to go all out. 

Now that my Nana’s suffering has ended, I know she is happy – I believe she is chilling out in Heaven with my grandpa looking down and shaking their heads at my family’s foolishness and THAT makes me smile.  I got a tattoo to commemorate her.  Our last name initial, her birthdate and a heart with her birthstone.  She would have hated it I am sure, but I love it and it makes me smile every time I look down.

Love you Nana always

XOXO Nikilee


Hump day – a long freaking day

So yesterday morning started off stressful as usual.  I needed to decide which way to vote in the CUPE v. City ratification deal.  I knew how I wanted to vote – but  would I have the guts to do so??  Not necessarily.  Sometimes what is right for one isn’t right for the collective, but I did vote (its private people, I will not tell you how I voted).  I took some ladies at lunch and we drove over to the Delta and I slipped my ballot in the box knowing that no matter what happens – we as a local, lose and it’s a shame that the city and the union couldn’t/wouldn’t be more co-operative. 

Yesterday also started with a text from newbie about some trouble I have caused by blogging.  Newbie is amazing and I don’t want to cause him any stress or trouble – so I had to deal with the issue ASAP.  I hope it is dealt with and there will be no more issues. 

I had a workshop to complete on Second Career Strategies (not my favourite workshop, but I had two clients show up that were pretty awesome) and then a whole lot of notes to write, paper work to continue etc etc.  All the while hearing tid bits and snippets of people talking strike.  Nothing like the fear of having no money for a very long time causing your shoulders to rise and your eyes to burn with tears.  I know it sounds bad and possibly selfish and snobby, but I have worked for 16 years – I have never not had money.  Even though I have debt – I still have money to do what I want when I want to.  I was so GLAD at 4:30 I was getting to go pick up my favourite three-year-old lady at daycare for some Ms. J and Nikilee time!  Ms. J and I coloured, ate cookies, watched Treehouse and sang along to Bob and Lolo (YouTube Raindrop pop and Cindy Seahorse my favourites).  Spending time with Ms. J always makes me smile – you should see my smile when Ms. J and newbie are in the same room, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much!

After that, I had to meet my sushi boyfriend and the realtor at my nanas house so they could walk around and talk business.  I sat on the chair miserable because my heart misses my Nana so much.  I know we have to sell the house, and honestly I want it sold because I feel like I can’t say goodbye to her until it’s really gone, but being there, seeing it torn apart from my family being there on the weekend was gut wrenching.  I can’t do it.  I can’t go through her things.  I can’t say goodbye like that.  I took a few things I wanted, left the rest because it was just to hard.  I did get my chair though.  Sushi boyfriend and newbie brought it into my house and all I wanted was to sit in it and rock for a bit – but there will be a time and a place for that. 

After driving newbie back to his place, I curled up and bed, called him to say goodnight and passed out cold.  I was so tired, I didn’t even stay up to hear about the vote.  I knew my co-workers would Facebook and bbm me to let me know.

After snoozing three times this morning and realizing I still had to shower, I grabbed my phone – no strike.  Full time bargaining Unit voted yes for the ratification!  I am not on strike.  One stress down!  YAY…today will be a better day! I hope! 

Power of positive thinking…

XOXO Nikilee