2012 in review

Today is my last day of work for 2012 – it is also the last day I will probably blog for 2012 because I start Christmas Vacation and my calendar is filled with family, friends and laser eye surgery.  I mean I could try blogging blind for the day I have my surgery – but that could be incriminating!

As I’m reflecting over this year and as much as the last few months have been emotionally trying both professionally and personally, I am glad this year happened.  I started this year thinking I would never be able to move past my relationship from GBF.  One wedding in the DR a month later and I was quickly falling head over heels with someone else and feeling completely released from my relationships from years past. 

Falling in love is such an amazing feeling and I have to admit I am in love with falling in love, but none of the guys I had dated in between GBF and MiMo could get me to feel anything further than friendship and admiration.  MiMo changed that and as much as it hurts that we didn’t work out, he did change my life – and my year!  So 2012 is over and I am hopeful that with the new year comes new opportunities to meet people.

I have spent some time with amazing friends and family!  Between the DR trip with K and family, Zumba with my sister-in-law and my NK nights, I couldn’t have asked for a more fulfilled year in the friendship department.  I have also become extremely close to my gf at work A and have spent plenty of hours crying on her shoulder and laughing along with her at numerous activities throughout the year.

Work has been – well work.  I truly am blessed because I LOVE my job, I love working for the City I love, serving clients who need my help and seeing them reach goals set.  There have been times where I wanted to pull my hair out and kick and scream, but that had nothing to do with my job or the clients – that was an internal struggle and I have adjusted to that and moved on fairly unscathed.   I look forward to meeting new clients in 2013 and being given new opportunities to prove my worth in this field!

Finally, on a family note – my dad went through the whole year with no major catastrophes.  His heart behaved, the diabetes didn’t give him any more trouble then usual and I was able to get through all of 2012 without constant worry for him.  My father is my world (as I think most people know) and having him in it is my number 1 priority.  

I also have been able to work – lightly – on a new relationship with my mother.  There were a lot of years of hurt there to make up for, but since her husband passed away in March 2012 (may he R.I.P) I feel like I have my mom back.  We may have lost years as mother/daughter, but maybe we gain years as friends – as equals.  As partners in crime.  I look forward to our Vegas trip with my aunt G in April 2013.  Life with my parents is looking up.  I have not said that in YEARS!

My wish for my readers, friends and family for 2013 is for you all to have your greatest wish come true.  I hope you are able to find (or stay in) love, health and happiness.

XOXO Nikilee

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Friday Favourites and Happy Birthday Newbie!

So first things first – because love and friendship and family are the most important things to me…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (TOMORROW) NEWBIE!  XOXOXOX  I am so grateful that you have come into my life and thrown my world upside down.  Whether we are together forever or for just a short while, I am so in love with you and appreciate every day we get to spend together!  I can’t wait to spend all day tomorrow with you and the family celebrating you (privately of course because Newbie hates celebrating birthdays…good grief )

😉

Friday Favourite:

Todays favourite is also one that is bad for me and I am well aware of it.  I am addicted to having a tea (medium with three milk three sugar) and bagel (blueberry lightly toasted and buttered) for breakfast from Tim Hortons.   I have it 3-5 days a week (I know SOOOO bad) while I’m at work and it really is the greatest comfort food because I can eat it and it fills me up for the morning + makes me smile – so this is my Friday Favourite!

XOXO Nikilee

Sometimes I am amazed at how much can be done in a weekend

It’s only two days and one evening.  I mean I don’t get home till after 5 on Friday, yet every weekend, this one being no exception, I complete so much and tend to enjoy myself no matter what I am doing!!!

Friday started a new ritual which will continue throughout summer. I picked up Newbie, took him home to get his clothes and baseball stuff and then we went straight to baseball.  Newbie plays with the Wolfpack which is a rec league team but they are good – really good.  They won both games Friday night and getting to know this new team was great!  Newbies Sister-in-law was there as her hubby also plays for Wolfpack.  It’s always a good time catching up with the girlfriends and seeing old friends again. 

After baseball. Newbie, his dad and step-mom and me all went to Markham Station for dinner!  Of course we all ate breakfast because that is what you do at Markham Station!!  Home fries – I love you! 

Saturday was Biker Dude’s wake.  Newbie and I drove up to Bobcaygeon, spent some time with my mom, Aunt and the rest of our family and her friends and said goodbye to her husband.  It was a nice day and everyone whom my mom wanted there was there.  It is so gut-wrenching to see someone say goodbye to the person whom they love.  Spreading his ashes was a peaceful moment and I could tell that even though me and him were never close – his friends, family and wife will miss and love him dearly. 

Me, Mom, Brother, Sister-in-law and Aunt G

 We had to leave Bobcaygeon early because Chase (Newbies nephew) was celebrating his 2nd birthday!!!  Birthdays are so exciting!!  Especially when they are so young and they don’t fully comprehend whats going on, but are just so excited to have cake and get presents.  Of course since his mother insisted he needed socks – I bought him 39 pairs!  His favourite toy by far was the Little People’s School Bus – care of Newbie!  He loved it!  Getting to spend time with Chases mom and dad was great and seeing Newbies family is always a great thing.    For what started out a sad day – saying goodbye to family, turned into a lovely event – spending the evening with my chosen family – my friends! 

Chase playing with his new bus!!

Sunday I got busy!  I did laundry, groceries, cleaned my room, cleaned the bathroom, did dishes, took out the recycling, got gas for the car and a car wash since the Bobcaygeon bug population was decimated by my windshield and went to the dollar store for my mentee mothers day craft!  Oh ya and cause I wasn’t busy enough, I stopped by the bank and deposited a few cheques!  By the time Newbie came home from work, I was ready to sleep.  However we needed to eat, so after making dinner and lunch for today for us (and my dad), we played Cribbage with my new Cribbage board. 

Now, I played Crib years ago with my nana.  But that was YEARS ago.  Newbie re-taught me with my iPhone.  He is an awesome teacher, because our first game played together and I beat him!!  He wasn’t happy.  Men are such sore losers!  LOL…but I know he will win the next time we play cause he is actually MUCH more strategic than I am.  It just worked in my favour this game and I had a blast teasing him! 

Falling asleep last night was a peaceful experience, knowing I would wake up and only have two days of work this week – surgery is Wednesday – pray for me people please!!

I hope you are all having a lovely Monday!

XOXO Nikilee

The three types of men – from my limited, female perspective

I have heard it said that women are complicated, men – simple.  This may or may not be true.  I personally find men to be incredibly complicated to figure out at times because they are SO secretive, but I have determined that men fall into one of three categories: the financial/work man, the loving sports/women man and the gaming/computer man.  Now I believe all men, like all people, are plaid.  They enter in and out of all three categories depending on who they are with, whom they are talking to and what kind of day they have had.  However I generally feel – looking at the men in my life that they fall into one category that really defines them. 

The financial/work type:     I think everyone know this man.  He talks about how much money he has, how hard he works, he is constantly replying to emails on his smart phone and he is – in a sense – over worked.  Sushi boyfriend kinda falls into this category – only in the sense that he works – all the time.  He works all day and then he works evenings doing another job.  He talks about his projects he’s working on and he is constantly looking for new projects to hang on to.  I have to tell him over and over again – slow down, relax, enjoy your life.  But what I didn’t know was – the financial/worker type are enjoying their lives – they enjoy work *ewwww*.  I know quite a few men who fall into this category – because I just work to make money and while yes I do enjoy my job, I don’t want to work more than I already do – I doubt I could stand being with this type of man for long.  I have dated a man like this in the past and all we fought about – his working so many hours, not relaxing, not spending time together.  Nope – while this man has many amazing qualities to be admired, he can only be truly successful if he has a great work/life balance.  Sushi boyfriend has found a woman whom enjoys his extra curricular activities and she is AMAZING so it all works out!  He has created his own blance that works for him!

The loving sports/women man:  This man loves sports – like really loves sports – to play to watch and especially to talk about!  He is probably playing some kind of sport all year-long and he also probably watches a sport every night and on Friday night pub crawls with the guys (cause this guy also loves going to the bar with his boys) they watch a sport and then analyze it for the rest of the night.  They know stats, players, positions and numbers.  I kinda love this type.  He’s a mans man.  Athletes are hot in my opinion.  However, this type of man is also surrounded by beautiful women.  The waitresses at the bar, the women who love to watch games and when these types of men get together – they all of a sudden turn into a different person.  They talk about women like objects, they bash and ogle different types of women and bitch about the current woman/women in their lives.  Now, I don’t want to be burned on my blog, but really – this happens.  As a “guys girl” I have been to the pub where this happens and guys are not afraid of talking trash in front of a woman they don’t think of in a sexual nature.  I was just the friend for these men, so the bashing went on no matter how much mouth dropping I did and no matter how much swatting I threw at them.  This is when my love for an athlete turns sour.  Unfortunately, they tend to come hand in hand.  I have LOTS of guy friends that fall into this category.  And almost every man I know slips into this category on a regular basis *even when it’s not their main choice*. 

The gaming/computer man: AKA the nerd:  This man I have met before with old roommates, however because they were roommates and not men I wanted to date, I never analysed them before.  These men play games, video games, computer games, card games all the time.  They love computers and systems and probably own most if not all of the systems to have come out in the past 10-15 years.  They have an amazing computer with an upgraded hard drive and processor and can talk World of Warcraft and Super Mario Brothers all in one breath.  They like comics and comedy shows like Big Bang Theory and are very laid back and easy-going.  When a group of them converge together they talk games.  They throw out names and numbers that no other person who is not a gamer would EVER understand and they don’t understand why people – especially other men – wouldn’t want to be just like them.  Now my old roommates were this type of men.  They probably still are.  I haven’t met one since. 

 Until I met Newbie.  Newbie is a gamer.  At first I was worried – I mean I am NOT a gamer at all.  I own a Gamecube for my nieces and nephew to play when they visit – hence a bribe – but overall I could care less about games and the differences between Play Station and X-Box.  However, it has become quite amazing to see this handsome, intelligent man talk with his friends about all the HoN characters and strategies and when I thought about it – I realized, he is talking with men about games, he is not flirting with women at the bar, he is not drunk somewhere acting like a fool and because he still dips into the sports category often I think I have the best of both worlds!  Now I doubt I will EVER want to play X-Box or Play Station on my own, but maybe I will let him teach me a thing or two… 😉  I mean the couple that plays together stays together right?!

I know men and women alike are going to bash this blog – I am stereotyping and I hate stereotyping, but hence the title of this blog ” from my limited, female perspective”.  It’s okay if I am wrong, I am sure I am, but this is my blog and my perspective!  🙂  If I wrote from your perspective then it wouldn’t really by my blog would it?! 

XOXO Nikilee

I think I need a mental vacation

I know I cannot afford an actual one (and neither can anyone else who I’d wanna take with me), but a mental vacation is  high on the top of my list of needs right now.  Just a couple of days where I can lie in bed, sleep, read, answer to no one – of course I’d want newbie there, but if he was getting bored or loud, well he’d have to go play outside because this is my mental vacation and on this vacation there is no loudness, no room for boredom!  Now all I need is my bsmt apartment and a new bed (since my is broken, thank you K and GBF for not putting it together properly!) and my mental vacation can begin!

Biker dude passed away Friday March 30th at 4:10 pm.  I spent the next week back and forth between home in Toronto and my mom’s home in Bobcaygeon, ON.  An almost two-hour drive.  Taking care of two parents who both need you and who live far apart is BRUTAL.  I needed to support my mother, she has lost her true love, a love that did everything for her.  While I may not have gotten along with Biker dude, she loved him and relied on him for everything.  Thankfully she has an amazing sister who also split her time between Toronto and Bobcaygeon to offer support and a shoulder to cry on.  In time I know my mom will be okay, and I will be grateful if/when she moves back to the city so I can be there for her and my father in a much more comforting environment. 

Without airing too much family laundry I have been fighting with my brother a lot lately – and T has gotten involved at times as well.  I know, I know, I ALWAYS fight with my brother – we are two peas from the same pod, but you would never know it!  We are the exact opposite in every way possible.  But we have both crossed lines now and who knows if or when those lines will be erased.  Fighting with T is exhausting though because she is also my bff.  You can’t fight with your bff without wanting to punch a wall just so you cause yourself some physical pain to take away the emotional pain.  Things between us are okay now, not the same, but we love each other and they will be fine, but I’ll be grateful when it’s all over with.  All this fighting isn’t good for any of us – at least some of us have healthy ways of dealing with it – you know communication…

My grandmother’s house is in the process of being cleaned out and fixed up to sell!  Hence the reason for the fighting between me and my brother.  It’s a huge task as my grandmother was something of a hoarder.  No matter how many hoarding shows I watch, or how many Pawn Star shows I see regularly, I have no idea whats’ worth any money or value and whats not.  I literally picked up her entire jewelry box and brought it home hoping I can find someone who can appraise it. I mean my grandma owned a lot of junk jewels – I can tell some of it is dollar store quality because I probably bought it for her when I was young.  However some of it looks nice, or old, or expensive…so who knows?!  We will see.  I miss my grandma, but holding onto that house is not allowing me to let go…and I need to.  I feel like to much of a disappointment to her in so many ways and I need to accept what is, what was and go on with my life being the best me I can be.  I went to visit her grave last weekend over Easter.  I dropped off newbie at home and went across the street to the cemetery to say hello.  I was at first grateful I found it because I have never gone alone.  Secondly I was grateful I went because I let out a few tears, said hello, apologized for the two years of lies about me and GBF being together and told her about Newbie.  I believe she is watching over me, protecting me, loving me still.  I want her to know who newbie is and how important he is to me, I am sure she would like him, approve of him because of how happy I have been since dating him (once she got over me not being with GBF, who in her eyes could do no wrong).   

Work has been busy – I mean it usually is, but with PAYE and the workshops and the critiques and the community outreach, I am tired.  It doesn’t help I was off for 11 days for my mom and the pile of email notifications built up to well over 100.  I need to re-organize myself.  Get my thoughts straight, figure out who is on first and who the heck is on second!!  Don’t understand?  That’s okay, I do.  I will figure it out probably just in time for my two weeks of being ill and off for the surgery!

I finally have had some resolution for my uhhh…”lower back problems”…I am having surgery again.  It will be on May 9th.  Newbie has taken a couple of days off to be with me during surgery and to stay with me afterwards.  Honestly, if it wasn’t for newbie, I have no idea where I would be right now – going mental probably.  he has held my hand through everything.  He is my light, my happiness and the fact that he has been so supportive during all this craziness just shows his character – he is a man with so much love to give and I am grateful he has chosen to give it to me! 

XOXO Nikilee

 

Nothing like a phone call to make you stop and think

Lately, I have been stressed and even a tad bit depressed (thanks to crazy cat lady that is under control), what with the impending strike, arguing and fighting with family, being annoyed by people who have no business annoying me and stuffing my face with any food that’s not glued down…its been a rough week. 

But last night as I was driving home from dropping off Ms. J I got a phone call from my mom.  Biker dude – A.K.A Gary, her husband has taken a turn for the worse.  He is dying – he has cancer of the throat.  Chemo didn’t work and it is spreading rapidly.  He is mostly unresponsive and has suffered from a few seizures.  She was a mess.  This man she has loved for over half of my life and realistically, most of hers as well, will be dead in a very short time. 

Now I am not even going to try to pretend like his passing will really have a huge effect on me personally because in reality we aren’t close.  I never really enjoyed his company and we are complete opposite people in every way possible.  However, I love my mother and she loves him, so for her – my heart is breaking.  I wish I could make him better so she did not have to suffer. 

There is nothing worse as a child then hearing or seeing your parents crying.  The first time I saw this I was 6.  I came home from shopping with my mom – back in the day when my parents were still together – and I walked into our living room to my dad standing by the big picture window, and my brother sitting on our couch, crying.  This is one of my earliest memories – a clear memory, as clear as my memory of my prom or University graduation.  But instead of a happy one, it is one that made me realize my father was vulnerable.  He was crying because his father, my poppy, had lost his battle with diabetes (back in the 80’s the diagnosis wasn’t as good as it is now).  He’d been in the hospital for weeks and my grandmother was now a widow.  I don’t know where she was or what happened next, but I started crying before I even knew what happened.  My father was in tears.  Whatever the news, it couldn’t be good. 

The last time I saw my father cry was at my grandma’s funeral a few months ago, I was 30  – and even then, it was a just a few tears.  He had prepared himself for her death – she was ill for many years and we were all just grateful she was in no more pain and believed fully that she was with my poppy – where she wanted to be. 

But hearing my mom cry last night, stirred something different in me.  I felt sad.  But I felt useless.  I felt like there was nothing I could do.  I offered to pull onto the highway and drive to Bobcaygeon right then and there, but she didn’t need that.  She is resound to living out his last few days (hours?) with him alone.  I understand that and I respect it too.  But as an adult woman who has experienced true love I hate the idea of someone losing someone they adore.  I know that when he passes she will call and I will hop on the highway and play the role of dutiful daughter, doing everything she wants and needs and comforting her the way she will need me to – but until then, I will sit here, waiting for my phone to ring and reminding myself to be grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life and all the greatness I have to celebrate!

It’s Friday, I love Fridays.  I get a weekend with newbie!  I’m going to enjoy every moment of it!  It’s true that life is short and we never know how long we have with people, so I will smile when newbie gets in my car, I will kiss him and say hello and wash this whole week off of the both of us – so we can have a great time and enjoy each other the way we should!

XOXO Nikilee

Hump day – a long freaking day

So yesterday morning started off stressful as usual.  I needed to decide which way to vote in the CUPE v. City ratification deal.  I knew how I wanted to vote – but  would I have the guts to do so??  Not necessarily.  Sometimes what is right for one isn’t right for the collective, but I did vote (its private people, I will not tell you how I voted).  I took some ladies at lunch and we drove over to the Delta and I slipped my ballot in the box knowing that no matter what happens – we as a local, lose and it’s a shame that the city and the union couldn’t/wouldn’t be more co-operative. 

Yesterday also started with a text from newbie about some trouble I have caused by blogging.  Newbie is amazing and I don’t want to cause him any stress or trouble – so I had to deal with the issue ASAP.  I hope it is dealt with and there will be no more issues. 

I had a workshop to complete on Second Career Strategies (not my favourite workshop, but I had two clients show up that were pretty awesome) and then a whole lot of notes to write, paper work to continue etc etc.  All the while hearing tid bits and snippets of people talking strike.  Nothing like the fear of having no money for a very long time causing your shoulders to rise and your eyes to burn with tears.  I know it sounds bad and possibly selfish and snobby, but I have worked for 16 years – I have never not had money.  Even though I have debt – I still have money to do what I want when I want to.  I was so GLAD at 4:30 I was getting to go pick up my favourite three-year-old lady at daycare for some Ms. J and Nikilee time!  Ms. J and I coloured, ate cookies, watched Treehouse and sang along to Bob and Lolo (YouTube Raindrop pop and Cindy Seahorse my favourites).  Spending time with Ms. J always makes me smile – you should see my smile when Ms. J and newbie are in the same room, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much!

After that, I had to meet my sushi boyfriend and the realtor at my nanas house so they could walk around and talk business.  I sat on the chair miserable because my heart misses my Nana so much.  I know we have to sell the house, and honestly I want it sold because I feel like I can’t say goodbye to her until it’s really gone, but being there, seeing it torn apart from my family being there on the weekend was gut wrenching.  I can’t do it.  I can’t go through her things.  I can’t say goodbye like that.  I took a few things I wanted, left the rest because it was just to hard.  I did get my chair though.  Sushi boyfriend and newbie brought it into my house and all I wanted was to sit in it and rock for a bit – but there will be a time and a place for that. 

After driving newbie back to his place, I curled up and bed, called him to say goodnight and passed out cold.  I was so tired, I didn’t even stay up to hear about the vote.  I knew my co-workers would Facebook and bbm me to let me know.

After snoozing three times this morning and realizing I still had to shower, I grabbed my phone – no strike.  Full time bargaining Unit voted yes for the ratification!  I am not on strike.  One stress down!  YAY…today will be a better day! I hope! 

Power of positive thinking…

XOXO Nikilee