Good Question

On the radio this morning (CHUM FM 104.5) it was asked: Would you rather watch a long video of all the great moments of your life thus far or a short video of pivotal moments from your future?

It got me thinking as I made the trek into work…and to be honest I don’t know. 

If I go with the long video I will see the day I started school – maybe even before that – my birth!  That would be cool!!!  I would see playing Barbies with my neighbour bff and gymnastics class, jazz class, swim class (well maybe not I hated swimming), I would see going shopping with my Nana at Thorncliffe mall, and Christmas as a child.  I would see the day I got my hamster Lucky, entering Grade 7 and meeting new friends – friends I still miss and adore to this day.  I would see Grade 8 graduation and entering high school where I really came into my own.  My first real boyfriend and then my first real love.  Prom.  Graduation.  First day of University where I felt so small and insignificant, yet smart and special!  Dating GBF, teachers college, my first trip to the Caribbean and all the trips I’ve taken there since. Meeting MiMo and our spring together and of course the birth of each of my neices and nephew. 

Yes looking at my past – good moments only would be great.  But some of those good moments would remind me that bad moments followed too.  Divorce, harassment, bullying, fighting, fear, break-ups, anorexia, failure, death.  Would it really be worth it?? 

Maybe looking at the future would be best.  Maybe I am married, maybe I have a child or children, maybe I travel to many more places and experience many more cultures, maybe I succeed at work and am promoted?  I might even find a job I love more than this one??  Moving somewhere else, outside of TO with friends or a lover?  There could be some really great key moments I’d love a glimpse of.

But with the future comes sadness too.  More death of loved ones for sure, maybe I don’t have children, maybe no one loves me, maybe I lose my job, maybe my family or my friendships fall apart.  I don’t think I want to see any of that even if it means I can make changes.  Life is what you make of it – and I want to work hard to make it a great one.

So if I had a choice to watch the long or short video – I choose neither.  I want to keep living day by day.  I have enough memories in my head that I don’t need to relive it on tv and I am hopeful enough for the future that seeing it would spoil all the surprises good and bad!

XOXO Nikilee


Happiness project calendar

Today’s quote (November 2nd) has me convinced a man had to be behind this whole thing:

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or worried, sweep the porch, fold some laundry or wash some dishes.  Repetitive activities trigger the body’s relaxation response and so help to reduce stress.

Uh huh – I am telling you RIGHT now, none of that will relieve stress for me – it will just make me tired and annoyed and therefore get more stressed until bed time. 

No thank you I will stick to shopping, chocolate and wine to reduce my stress!

I could make a much better calendar!  Maybe I should!

XOXO Nikilee

Last weekend of summer? Or September at least

It’s Friday, I cannot even begin to explain how long this week has felt or how grateful I am that it is almost over.  This weekend I am driving up to Hamilton to watch my boy’s the Phillies play the Worlds championship and I am pretty excited because A) I love watching baseball and this is probably the last week I will get to do so and B) I don’t feel like staying home and relaxing because life is too short.

And I think I have a slight addiction to Words With Friends…seriously I get upset when my friends take to long to play.  booo!

XOXO Nikilee

Zumba, BP3 and all the things that make me feel yucky.

Two years ago, I moved home and instantly started working on losing weight.  I lost 25 pounds before stagnating and slowly (over a year and a few months) have gained most of it all back. 

When I moved home, I was single, didn’t have much responsibility because people just let me mourn the loss of my relationship, and spent as little time associating with the outside world as possible.  It was extremely easy to lose weight.  I hate when people say the weight just came off, but for me it did.  I rarely felt like I was dieting.  But as soon as my depression seized and I started joining friends in their adventures, I started eating like I had prior to my break up.

Now, having gained back most of the weight I lost, I have thought about going back to WW, but my heart is not in it, and I am not going to spend money on weight loss efforts if I am not motivated to do so.  So what am I doing instead – I signed up for Zumba classes with my sister-in-law.  We start next Wednesday at 8:30-9:30.  I am kind of excited, I mean I have seen Zumba featured on Biggest Loser and it’s the newest craze so hopefully I will love it and get motivated to be me again. 

It’s been a long summer…going from super high high’s to super low low’s, the medication I take has helped control the mood swings, but it hasn’t (and doesn’t) control the crap eating.  I don’t eat a lot, but what I do eat is garbage – sugar, sugar and more sugar – I swear one day I will shower and just melt into a pile of warm sugar.  I have faith that things will get better…I keep that faith thanks to friends and Kansas City who is the most faithful person I know. 

I know this blog is kind of all over the place, but so is my head…LOL…

Now on to Bachelor Pad 3.  If you don’t want spoilers – STOP READING NOW!





Nick and Rachel won over Chris and Sarah (booo, love Chris) and Nick chose to keep the money over Rachel (booo Rachel deserved the money over Nick).  The show was full of drama – so much drama.  It seemed silly for everyone to be hating so hard on certain people (Jaime and Chris) but that’s what BP is all about – drama, sex, money, love, craziness.

I’ll miss the show till summer, but at least Bachelor Canada starts in October.  I doubt it will be as good, but time will tell.  I don’t want to judge it yet – though without Chris Harrison, I will be sad.

It’s cold in the mornings.  My alarm went off at 6 and when I stuck my nose out of my blanket it froze!  I hid back under the covers for 20 minutes until I had to get up and shower – brrrrr.  BOOOOO.  I took a hot shower and tried to steam my bathroom up enough so it would keep me warm till I was dry and dressed!  It didn’t quite work.  I hate winter 😦

XOXO Nikilee

A new idea

I have been thinking a lot of random thoughts lately – whether it be the hot weather, my boredom, my annoying health issues or whatnot – I have been thinking, I need to start a new column for my blog.  Not one I do every week cause I could easily become a huge failure, but when the impulse strikes…I am going to do it!  This is going to be a short blog when I do.  Just my thought.  You’ll all think I am crazy or psychotic I am sure when you read my thoughts, but it’s a chance I am willing to take.

So yesterday I was driving home from an evening with two of my favourite people (Ms. J and her dad).  I saw this guy driving in the far right hand lane, he was driving slowly.  I was getting close to the street I needed to turn left on so I threw my signal on.  All of a sudden slow civic driver whipped across all three lanes of traffic to get into my left hand turn lane – with NO SIGNAL!  I slammed on my breaks and came about a foot from hitting him.  Immediately I thought


“If I could get away with it, I would ram his car from behind into the light post and he would learn his lesson and if he got hurt and broke some bones – or his face – all the better!” 


I envisioned me doing this and it made me smile – at least long enough till I got home and was able to calm my racing heart.

XOXO Nikilee