My top 5 dating rules

As a single girl in a coupled world I have become very confused and turned off by all the rules of dating.  I am not dating anyone and if all this confusion keeps up, I don’t know if I ever will!  Everyone has a tonne of advice (especially married men and women) and most of the advice is contradictory to other advice given (make the man pay, go dutch, whoever asks pays) AHHHHH!  I have decided to come up with own rules for dating and these are mainly because I believe in them firmly and if a man is not cool with these rules, then he is not the right man for me!

1. The man will take me out to  a meal for our first date OR plan a fun activity.  A coffee date will not do.  If you do not think I am worth a meal or an activity that takes longer then 20 minutes, then you are not worth my time and we should get to know each other over phone, email, text before we decide to hang out.  This is not because I am a gold digger or want a free meal, I can afford my own food I just truly believe that I am worth it, I am a nice person, a fun girl and have a lot to offer so really…I am worth a dinner!  I had a guy take me to coffee on a first date three times last year, after I finished my coffee (and I drink fast) I figured it was time to go because that was the only plan.  Coffee just doesn’t work as a real first date.  No time to get to know someone.

2. No games, if you say you are going to call/text/email do it.  Don’t make me chase you because I wont.  If you are going to be late please call and tell me this, because there is nothing worse in my eyes then lateness!  I dated a guy who was late for my fathers birthday dinner!!!  You all know how much I love my father – guess how happy I was that night?!  And if you have to cancel a date, then a phone call – not a text – is needed.  If it has to be a text then a follow-up phone call is appreciated.

3. I will not be giving up the cookie easily – you are going to have to earn it.  My goal is not to sleep with as many men as possible, but to find the right man, “the man”.  One of those famous coffee dates I had, the guy kissed me (which I was cool with) and tried to feel me up (which I was SO NOT COOL WITH).  Really you buy me a coffee, have a 20 minute conversation with me and you think you can touch me where ever you feel…LOL…no.   I will not fall for any come on lines or sweetness…if you want the cookie, then be my friend, date me, care for me, take care of me, show me you are honest and loyal and then…

4. Introduce me to your family and your friends after we have decided we are in a relationship. A guy I dated in the fall wanted me to meet his mom a week after our first date.  no.  I am a family oriented person and my girlfriends mean the world to me, but they are not going to meet you until we have decided this is going to be something.  I would hope your family and friends are just as important to you!

5.  I am not the easiest person to deal with all the time. I have a lot of responsibility and I can get grouchy and whiny just like any other person does.  But I am also kind, caring, hard-working, loyal, honest and the best friend/partner you could find.  I know this about myself and if  a real man arrives who also meets the above adjectives then maybe magic could happen!  LOL…okay I get it – that sounds totally corny!  I am corny though so it’s all good!

XOXO Nikilee

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Lets look back at 2011

When I started this blog, I talked about goals I wanted to work on for the coming year.  Here is a reminder list:

1. I joined Weight Watchers in October 2010 and I would like to lose minimum 25 pds this year!

2. My credit card is maxed with school fees, shoes and clothes and my car etc etc.  If I stick to the budget I have created for myself then I will have no credit card debt by January 2012!

3. I have not travelled very much in my life and I would like to travel more.  I don’t care where really.  I would just like to travel to 2 or more places this year. 

4. My hope is that I won’t turn down ANY invitations this year.  If someone wants to go out – I am going out (unless it doesn’t work with the budget I talked about in number 2).

5. Last one…I lost the love of my life this year and my goal is to enjoy being single, enjoy being me and maybe even figure out who I am.  I am not saying I won’t date this year (or maybe even get back with said ex?!) but I need some time for self discovery, self-love and a whole lot of fun!

So: how well did I do?  Pretty well actually looking back over my list.  As far as losing 25 pds, I did!  However I’ve since gained three pds so I am down 22 pds in total – which for me is a success!

The debt – yes the ever-lasting, never leaving debt that is my credit card…it’s still there.  I kind of lived on the retail therapy side of things when my emotions ran high – plus my car, my trips etc!  New plan for 2012 – use my inheritance to pay if off – not how I wanted it to go, but debt free is debt free!

Travel~I went to the Bahamas in February and have already booked a trip to the Dominican in January.  Me and the ex have talked about possibly doing a couple small trips in the summer just to see baseball games in different cities – remember my bucket list?  To see every major league baseball diamond!  So I have done some travelling – my dads and Nana’s health kind of limited my vacation time.

I accepted a lot of invites this year – I went out with friends a lot, I went dancing, to dinners, to homes to relax, I even drove my two bff’s to Niagara Falls for an evening just to go to the Coach store.  I am a good friend!  LOL

I have dated a few different guys this year, two who were actual boyfriends, and they were both nice guys (okay one was way nicer then the other – R this means you), but overall I was happier being single.  Why would any rational 30-year-old woman prefer being single to “in a relationship” as my Facebook friends will understand?  Because, if you are not over the ex, what is the point of hurting good people who are falling in love with you – when you know you can’t love someone else back – not fully at least.  I would rather be single until someone comes along who makes me forget my ex and want to move on OR if God willing, get back together with my ex and work on our relationship.  I know what one my family is hoping for – I am just not 100% which one I am hoping for yet?!

It’s been an interesting 2011, a sad year, a great year, a hard year, an educational year….but overall, I have come out on top.  Today is my last day of work for this year.  I am so glad because my cold is still threatening me everyday and I need time to get ready for Christmas.  I hope to message you all over the holidays, but if not, please have a wonderful Christmas season and BE SAFE!

XOXO Nikilee