Diamonds are a girls best friend…

…maybe not, I have lots of friends and I would never give up one of them for a diamond (however if one wanted to GIVE me a diamond, I wouldn’t say no)  It must be almost Valentines Day because People’s and Mappins are sending out their special flyer…so pretty!  Even if I get no jewelry I still love looking at these flyers…

I am home ill again today because I have no voice – literally…I can’t speak, it’s all squeaky and scratchy and SO not attractive!  Thank God for text messaging and blogging and Facebook.  I haven’t been this quiet for this long in years!!!  Being quiet makes me think and thinking is not always a good thing!!

With Valentines coming up I have to accept the fact that I am alone on this day of love and romance and blah blah blah all over again.  Last year was my first Valentines  Day that I had ever been alone, and now here I am again – round 2!  This year though is okay.  Last year I felt like the only single girl in the world, and while not much has really changed in that sense – seriously how do all my friends have boyfriends/husbands – I am much happier being single this year then I was last year.

Last year I never could have imagined myself loving anyone other than GBF, but I now know that to be untrue.  I have felt something real with someone who was worth the heartache and even though it was bad timing and I wasn’t whom he wanted in the end, what I felt proved to me that I can love someone else again, I can give myself to someone and trust someone, it will just take the right someone else.

So maybe I won’t get flowers or chocolate or wine on February 14th, but I have a smile on my face and warm memories in my heart.  Because I have loved, in the past and I have cared about people since and I have people who care about me now.  And who knows, maybe this time next year, I’ll be with the man of MY dreams which is something I can smile about.

I hope all of you couples have a wonderful pre-Valentines day weekend and are with the one you love.  Those of you are single…enjoy it regardless, call a friend, a parent or another relative and tell them how much you care…cause really shouldn’t Valentines Day be about showing love to everyone?  Why just your partner?? 

Ciao people

XOXO Nikilee


Pain in the (my) neck

Yesterday equalled me getting back to my real life, the trip is over, no more days off, back to REALITY.  I woke up to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” which made me smile and laugh because it was one of the numerous songs in my head while I was in the DR.  Then I realized it was 6:00 am and I smashed the snooze button, the last thing I want at 6 am is DR memories on a day when I need to go work. 

After throwing the covers off at 6:30 I dressed up (had to go to Metro Hall for  a meeting, might as well look super cute) and ran out the door trying to get my GPS to grab a signal to show me how the hell to drive to metro hall.  You would think that having been there for meetings a couple of times a year I would know how to get there – and vaguely I do, however when I got to John St, my parking lot was gone and a construction crane was in its place.  DAMN IT.  Had to figure out a new place to park…after circling random streets I finally found a place and was still 45 minutes early. 

After the very, very “interesting” (gag, cough) meeting I had to get back to my actual job where everyone was waiting to hear all the details from my trip.  While leaving some good stuff out, I pleased everyone enough to open my emails and start seeing what I missed all week while I was sunning and swimming.  Nothing, I missed nothing.  I am not on strike, the renovations at work haven’t started, nothing good, cool or exciting happened while I was away.  To bad for them…lol

Last night I had one of my new therapy sessions.  It’s CBT therapy.  I figured I might as well go get a talking to.  I told the Dr. everything that’s been going on for the past couple of weeks and other than quitting smoking (and starting again and quitting again) he didn’t seem overjoyed (join the club Doc.).  But he did make me feel pretty good about some of my not so great choices so that was nice of him (can I get an AMEN)  LOL…

By the time I got home, my throat was so sore and raw from the strep (and talking all damn day) that I really couldn’t imagine talking anymore.  Thankfully Tuesday nights are Biggest Loser nights with daddy so I didn’t have to talk much.  Until my phone rang.  My best buddy at work has been a successful applicant for a new job and he is leaving Social Services 😦

All good things must come to an end…haven’t I said this before???  It really sucks.  I now am seriously considering my work options, job location options and future choices and how they will affect me and my life.  The only thing I have any control over right now is my work.  I am a single girl who lives at home, work is kinda all I got right now where I get to make all the decisions.  Of course once I heard what my buddy had to say, I only had one person I could call who would know how I feel.  I called the ex.  Instead of calling him the ex, because it’s really not how I feel about him now, I am going to call him GBF (I know some of you reading will get it and those of you who don’t – don’t worry it’s an inside joke). 

GBF and I have really worked at being friends again.  No relationship, no intense moments, just a genuine friendship.  We have both made huge mistakes in the past but we have found forgiveness in each other and the one thing me and GBF always had was a solid, understanding, loving friendship.  So I knew calling him last night would be the one thing that would make me feel better.  And he did.  He allowed me to see different options at work, different view points of different situations, and while I would have loved to have gotten his advice on other stuff…we aren’t quite there yet.  But he did calm me down enough to fall asleep, which I needed – desperately. 

How can a person like me who craves 9+ hours of sleep get NO sleep in the DR and function perfectly fine, but come back to TO and get 8 hours sleep and wanna die the next day…maybe my therapist can answer that…stay tuned. 

We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not…

XOXO Nikilee