A day is just a day…really it is.

So yesterday (Valentines Day) was a normal, yet happy day for me.  Work was good, no major troubles, lots of texting, which I know is so wrong, but I CAN NOT HELP IT.  I just can’t stop yet so I hope none of my co-workers hate me for it!?

After work I had therapy, which was intense and made me do a lot of thinking.  I need to start taking control of my life and my future, but really, I am in limbo right now and I plan on going nowhere soon so I will just have to deal with my rollercoaster of emotions until a move is made!  My Valentines date was with one of my absolute favourite people in the world – crazy cat lady!  LOL…she will kill me is she reads this and finds out I call her that…shhh don’t tell.  I spent part of my evening with her and her dad just relaxing, teasing each other (if we were American he would be VERY republican and I would be VERY democratic so I try not to debate him…it could get ugly).  Watching crazy cat lady with her dad reminds me of the relationship I have with my dad.  He raised her, mine raised me.  Though in reality – we took/take care of them! 

After leaving her house, I headed to the finale of my Valentines date night with my dad.  We watched part of Biggest Loser, but I knew I had one more thing I had to do.  I called my mom.  My mom is going through a really rough time right now.  Her boyfriend has throat cancer and so far – it does not look good.  I am debating about going up to Bobcaygeon to help out for a couple of days.  Even just to be there to keep them company.  Now my relationship with both of them has been strained, never a solid, great relationship by any means, but I do love my mother and I don’t like people I care about hurting.  I also tend to not be the most compassionate person with her, as I am more concerned that when he does pass away that she is taken care of…that things are in order.  She assures me they are.  I hope so.  We had a really nice talk though.  Probably the longest one we have had in months, if not years. 

After showering and talking to GBF (totally teased him for not buying me flowers this year – I mean last year he did…remember my blog on it!!  We were in a crap place last year, I hated so much of him and he bought me flowers!  This year we are friends, we are in a much better place, and I get nothing!  LOL…next year if I am single I will pick a fight with him to ensure I get something!)  I passed out cold…only to be woken up by a crazy nightmare where I was in some foreign country and working in a brothel – not as the woman who sleeps with people, but as security (ya who the hell am I supposed to secure???)…and people were getting killed and raped and I have no idea what brought on such foolishness, but it kept me awake wishing I could call…nah I won’t say…but I did wanna call someone and calm myself down.  Why do my dreams have to be so freaking real???  Ridiculous! 

All in all, today should hopefully be a wonderful day.  See if my plans stick, see if work goes well – see what client’s bring me today…have a wonderful hump day everyone

XOXO Nikilee

Aww I am loved! (well at least liked)

Happy Valentines Day blogging friends and family!  The day where I want so badly to roll over in bed and throw the pillows over my head and groan about how much I like this boy or that boy (okay well maybe that’s going to far) is instead a day where I need to wake up at 6:00 am and get my ass ready for a day of work.  Because I don’t look good in red (I am way to pink to wear red) I threw on my favourite pink sweater and black khaki’s and headed out the door with minimal make up and my hair in a ponytail.  I mean – who am I impressing today??  The client’s who want me to create award-winning resumes for them??  The co-workers who are 90% female, 10% married or gay men??  I don’t think so. 

But then my bbm went off (I love you bbm) and a sweet friend of mine asked if I had plans tonight.  He figured as I am single, I would be available and  he wanted to take me out tonight.  As sweet as the thought was, I do have plans tonight.  I am going to see my bff for a few minutes and then go spend the rest of it with my dad who really, since I don’t actually have a Valentine – at least not one I will get to spend time with – is the next best choice. 

Then GBF wished me a happy Valentines day which also makes me feel great because he is slowly becoming that amazing friend I had so many years ago.  Of course driving into work, I heard songs I’d rather not hear and lots of announcements for lovey dovey stuff, but I managed to get into work fairly unscathed.  Really, I am not that much of a cynic regardless of how I sound now.

Once here I received two special Valentines Day treats from co-workers (a thing our Social Committee puts on every year).  See I am loved!!!  Actually it was from two of my favourite co-workers who make coming into work a pleasure not a pain.  Now I have chocolate to munch on throughout the day and I am going to spoil myself with sushi for lunch, because I have not had it since being back from DR and I need it. 

I hope you all have a special Valentines Day, I had hoped mine would be special, but since it won’t be special in the way I’d hoped, I’ll take what I can get…amazing day at work with chocolate and sushi and an evening with the bff and my dad!

XOXO Nikilee

Diamonds are a girls best friend…

…maybe not, I have lots of friends and I would never give up one of them for a diamond (however if one wanted to GIVE me a diamond, I wouldn’t say no)  It must be almost Valentines Day because People’s and Mappins are sending out their special flyer…so pretty!  Even if I get no jewelry I still love looking at these flyers…

I am home ill again today because I have no voice – literally…I can’t speak, it’s all squeaky and scratchy and SO not attractive!  Thank God for text messaging and blogging and Facebook.  I haven’t been this quiet for this long in years!!!  Being quiet makes me think and thinking is not always a good thing!!

With Valentines coming up I have to accept the fact that I am alone on this day of love and romance and blah blah blah all over again.  Last year was my first Valentines  Day that I had ever been alone, and now here I am again – round 2!  This year though is okay.  Last year I felt like the only single girl in the world, and while not much has really changed in that sense – seriously how do all my friends have boyfriends/husbands – I am much happier being single this year then I was last year.

Last year I never could have imagined myself loving anyone other than GBF, but I now know that to be untrue.  I have felt something real with someone who was worth the heartache and even though it was bad timing and I wasn’t whom he wanted in the end, what I felt proved to me that I can love someone else again, I can give myself to someone and trust someone, it will just take the right someone else.

So maybe I won’t get flowers or chocolate or wine on February 14th, but I have a smile on my face and warm memories in my heart.  Because I have loved, in the past and I have cared about people since and I have people who care about me now.  And who knows, maybe this time next year, I’ll be with the man of MY dreams which is something I can smile about.

I hope all of you couples have a wonderful pre-Valentines day weekend and are with the one you love.  Those of you are single…enjoy it regardless, call a friend, a parent or another relative and tell them how much you care…cause really shouldn’t Valentines Day be about showing love to everyone?  Why just your partner?? 

Ciao people

XOXO Nikilee

I’m gonna party like it’s my birthday…

So this season the Bachelor is Ben F. from Ashley’s Bachelorette season.  I didn’t like him then, and watching most of last nights episode, I still don’t like him.  Looks alone, I’m not impressed, but honestly, this season has some of the least desirable women on it that I have ever seen. 

Yet I kept watching, I watched until 9:30 when I finally pulled myself away (hit record) and turned the t.v off.  I’m pathetic.  Shows like this that exploit and destroy men and women and love and romance only exist because people like me watch it. 

Enough about such ridiculousness!  I am finally 31!  Honestly it seems like just yesterday that I turned 30 and was starting up this blog!  It makes me happy to know I survived 30 with only one or two more battle scars.  I think battle scars make you stronger no?  I mean the hardest battle scars were my dads heart attack – thank you God he is okay now – and the passing of my grandmother.  But my dad IS okay and my Nana IS where she has always wanted to be, with my poppy, so really, can I complain?  Nope. 

Last night my nieces and my sister-in-law took me to my favourite restaurant – Makimono.  I ate like a spoiled brat and enjoyed every bite, lick and taste (BLT).  But then I thought about my weight loss efforts and had remorse.  I know it’s my b-day I should celebrate properly, but really, there is always a day or a holiday (it’s Christmas, it’s Valentines Day, it’s that time of the month, your sick etc, etc!).  I need to learn to celebrate and deal with issues without food – though let me tell you, with all you can eat sushi, that is easier said then done!

How do you celebrate your birthday???

Well I am off to go get wished Happy Birthday by all my co-workers, I hope you have a great Tuesday!!

XOXO Nikilee